“You think becoming a vampire revealed who you really are?”
Brigid took a long breath. “I think becoming a vampire forced me to deal with the things I’d been avoiding in my human life. Because when you only have seventy or eighty years to live, you can put off looking at a lot of things too closely. You can fill your life with this and that, stay nice and busy, and if you really try, you can pretend you’re happy with that.”
Ben stopped pacing.
“But when you have hundreds of years stretching in front of you—possibly more,” Brigid continued in a softer voice, “you can’t push all those things away. You have to look at yourself for who you are. You have to learn to live with yourself. And sometimes that’s shit, Ben. It’s shit, but it’s the only way to move forward.”
Ben sat and stared at the blacked-out windows covered in works of art that literally hid him from the world outside. “I was telling Chloe last night that I was glad I was alive. Not just that I was okay with it, but that I was actually happy.”
“Do you still feel that way? Think past your emotions right now and the fight with Tenzin.”
“I think I do.” He closed his eyes and tried to think clearly. “I’m all over the place, Brigid.”
“That’s normal. You’re going through vampire puberty right now with the mood swings, and it’s crap. You’re processing everything faster, but your senses are stronger, which means there is literally more data coming in for you to process. To put it in technological terms, your system is overloaded. Your software hasn’t quite updated yet, but it will. Eventually it will all even out.” She muttered something under her breath.
“What?”
She cleared her throat and spoke so rapidly her words nearly ran together. “Getting a leg over helps, but I imagine that’s a bit complicated for you right now, and a therapist definitely wouldn’t suggest that, so probably ignore me, but it does help.”
“Getting a leg over?”
“Sex, Ben! Sex helps. Jaysus, I’m Catholic—don’t make me say it again.”
Ben felt the urge to laugh for the first time in days. “I got it.”
“Are you fecking happy to be alive or not?”
He thought past his anger. “Yes. I am glad to be alive.”
“Then move on,” Brigid said. “Face your anger and accept that it’ll be a part of you for a while until you work through the shite you need to, and move on. Don’t let it keep holding you back from having the life you want.”
“How do I forgive her,” Ben asked, “when she refuses to apologize?”
“She’s not going to. Ever. From Tenzin’s perspective, she was doing exactly the right thing.”
He swallowed hard. “I can kind of see that.”
“Then you just forgive her. Not for her but for you.”
Ben couldn’t speak. He was remembering a moment years before, a quiet confession in the sacred space between waking and sleep.
I have been a hero and a villain in the same moment. If you live long enough, you’ll understand what that means.
“Just forgive her,” he murmured.
“Tenzin’s not perfect,” Brigid continued. “Or perfectly wise. Feck, my husband is a thousand years old, and he’s still clueless at times. He makes mistakes because he’s learning to love me. And there’s never been a me before, so it’s a new situation for him. It’s the same with you two. There’s never been another Ben and Tenzin. The relationships you’ve had, the relationships she’s had… They teach you, but only so much. Every person is a new world.”
“So I just forgive her.” Something about saying the words took a weight off his heart.
“Aye, you do. And the anger might come back, so you might have to repeat it to yourself every day for a year. Or a decade.”
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat.
“But you—of all the people in her life—know who Tenzin is. You know her better than anyone else does. This was not malice. She did the only thing she could.”
He closed his eyes and nodded. “I have to let it go.”
“Like a fucking party balloon.” She whistled. “Whoosh. Float away.”
Ben could feel the dawn coming. “I better go; I’m going to fall asleep soon.”
“Call me after you’ve settled some things.”
He rubbed his eyes. “You tired of being my guidance counselor yet?”
Brigid laughed. “You’re like my little brother, Benny. I’m sure when you figure this all out, I’ll think of a way you can repay me.”
“I’m not going to give you any of my guns.”
“Fuck yer guns, lad. I want one of Tenzin’s swords.”
* * *
Vano opened the door to Tenzin’s trailer and tossed her inside with her feet and hands still bound, the metal net wrapped tightly around her body. She smelled the visitor in the trailer, but she didn’t say a word to the vampire currently gloating from the open doorway.
“What do you think you’re doing?” She asked from the floor. “I will be able to escape from this.”
“Not before you fall asleep at dawn.” Vano glanced at the horizon. “Which should be coming shortly.”
Tenzin had no desire to share her secrets with Vano. If he thought she slept, she wouldn’t spoil the notion. “Do you think Ben won’t come looking for me if I’m not around tomorrow night?”
“By tomorrow night, it won’t matter.” Vano watched Tenzin’s face. “You’re going to disappear. But don’t worry; I have no plans to kill your little pet. Doing that would attract the wrath of Penglai Island by mistreating a favored son. I have my businesses to think about.”
Tenzin, on the other hand, could probably go missing and possibly no one would realize she was gone for a century or two. If they got rid of her things, even Ben might assume she’d just taken off.
“You’re wrong,” she bluffed. “My absence will be noted.”
“If it comforts you to think so.”
