The only thing that had stopped me from actually booking the trip had been Mike, but after tonight, after all that has happened this week, I think it's time. Maybe I needed some time away from him. Instead of living with the daily torture of having my heart broken over and over again- and he doesn't even know that he's doing it. Not to mention that fact that I'm basically closing myself off to any other relationship that might come my way. What was I going to be? Thirty and without a partner because I've been hopelessly waiting for Mike my entire life?
I opened my travel folder and added Bermuda to the list of countries I now want to visit. The proposed trip started in South America and then I wanted to go Europe, but with the addition of Bermuda, I needed to sit down and replan my route. And then I needed to book it, it was going to take a lot of planning to book all the flights, the train trips around Europe and make a list of all the things I wanted to see.
My heart simultaneously soared and snapped at the thought. I'd always wanted to leave this sterile place behind and travel the world, but it snapped at the thought of...
A year. It's a long time. A lot can happen. By then Mike might have found some amazing, beautiful girl. But maybe, and this is what I was hoping for, maybe after a year of absence I could finally cure myself of this Mike obsession. Maybe in a year's time he would just be a distant memory, the guy I once hung out with and loved.
I spent a few hours planning my new route, doing some more research on South America and listing the places I wanted to see. I wanted to do the Inca trail, I wanted to explore the Amazon, I wanted to see the salt flats in Bolivia and I wanted to see the carnival in Brazil. And as for Europe, I wanted to see it all. I wanted to stand and look at the Aegean sea, walk the cobbled streets of Italy, ride a gondola in Venice, walk through the lavender fields of Tuscany and go on the famous Dracula tour through Romania.
I closed my computer and felt tired and I think the second my head hit the pillow I passed out.
**
I woke up the next morning to at least five messages from Mike and one from Jarrod. I looked at the message from Jarrod and opened it tentatively hoping it wasn't whats I suspected it might be.
Hope you feeling better. Last night was fun. X
Fuck, I was clearly giving him the wrong idea? I'd said friends. I'd said it, but I know what it's like, you always hear what you want to hear, and discard the rest.
Shit! I looked at Mikes five messages but decided not to read them. This morning I felt pissed off with him. Genuinely pissed off, which was a very unfamiliar feeling. Besides, I couldn't risk one of the messages telling me how he had met the girl of his dreams last night and wanted to marry her and have thousands of babies and sex all day long. I managed to make my way down to breakfast, where as usual, I was greeted by some sloppy crap that looked and smelt like wet soil. My dad wondered down and took one look at it and turned to me.
"Maria. Come, we're going out for breakfast," My mother and sister, who were both guzzling the slush, shot us some rather disapproving looks, as my father and I exited. We did this from time to time, drove out to the pancake and waffle place and shoveled sugar into our faces until we felt sick.
My dad threw me the car keys and asked me if I want to drive? I had never drive his car before, it was just way too intimidating. A large, flashy, sporty Porsche that I was scared would fly the second I touched the accelerator. I looked at him tentatively.
"Come on. We'll put the top down and get the wind through our hair." I climbed in, made sure to strap on my seat belt and started the creature. It roared to life with the kind of sound that seemed to make the molecules in the air vibrate. As soon as I'd put my foot on the accelerator the car jumped forward at an unbelievable speed. It did feel rather exhilarating though.
"Wow"" I turned to my dad with a smile
"Yup. Tell me about it," He said.
I finally got the hang of driving it. It was a matter of having a soft delicate ballet foot that was as light as a feather on the pedal. My father and I laughed as we drove. I've always been close to him, and my sister has always been closer to my mother.
We arrived at our usual pig-out spot and both knew exactly what we were going to order. And very soon we were snorting back sugar and fat and it felt so, so good. We ordered extra bacon with our pancakes and laughed about what mom would say if she saw us eating it. And laugh even more when we drowned the things in syrup until it looked like our pancakes were basically floating in a river of golden sticky stuff.
"So have you booked your trip yet?" My dad asked me.
"I was looking at all the places I want to go last night and I have a bit
