Tick, tick, tick...
All I could hear was the second hand of the huge grandfather clock killing time. Murdering it one second at a time. I wanted to murder someone right now..... I felt very murderous.
I was still seething. Only this time it was a silent, internal seethe. It was actually the more dangerous kind, because this time it was calculating. I was thinking about everything. Every last thing that McKenzie had ever done to me. I was racking my brain for her Achilles heel, where could I hurt her that would have the most effect?
Throwing myself into a physical fight with her was child's play; I was in it for so much more than getting a few slaps in now. I was in it for proper revenge. I wanted to make her feel like I did right now.
I heard the fabric of the couch ripple a little and out of the corner of my eye I saw her cross her legs. She was wearing a short pastel pink skirt, she had the smoothest longest legs I'd ever seen. They were always tanned, even in winter. They were always shiny, like she rubbed glitter on them every morning. The skirt was attached to some tight shirt- obvs (as she would say) Long blonde hair, so shiny it was like a mirror. She basically shined! Lips and lashes like a Kardashian- which may or may not be fake.
Her hands clenched in her lap and she began wringing her hands together. Anxiety? So unlike her. She was probably just warming them up for another bitch slap session. Her muscles tensed and I looked back up to her face, a small tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek.
"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" I screamed, jumping out of the seat. "You're crying. YOU! What the hell do you have to cry about?"
I kicked a cushion across the floor, just because I felt like doing it. It was also probably the only thing stopping me from kicking her shin with my 'muscular manly thighs.'
"I didn't want things to land up like this." McKenzie wailed and then burst into tears. Sobbing tears. I backed away, almost frightened by this very uncharacteristic show of emotion. I didn't know whether to believe it, or whether this was another one of her manipulative Oscar worthy performances. She continued to sob. Quite frankly, I felt disturbed. I didn't trust this. She continued to sob, her shoulders shook.
"I mean it!" She cried out again. I was stunned. She was either a great actress, or those snot bubbles coming out of her nose as she sobbed hysterically were real! "I really, really didn't want this to happen!"
"Well what the fuck did you think was going to happen when you did it?" I wasn't ready for communal twin sobbing, I still wanted my explanation.
"You're as blind as him, you know that." She looked up at me. Her face was ugly and smeared with black mascara. She looked horrendous, like a Halloween version of herself.
I shook my head. "Blind? Can you be a little more cryptic please!"
"BLIND!" She screamed the word at me. "You were my best friend! You were my everything. I looked up to you so much... my big sister, even if it is only by two minutes. Didn't you see that? And then one day some asshole guy moves in across the road and you dump me. Just like that!" She started to sob again and my mouth fell open. "For ten years I've been trying to get your attention. It's totally pathetic I know. I've done anything to get you to talk to me, look at me even. Even if we're fighting it's better than nothing, at least you can see I exist!"
I took a step back, as if her words had knocked me off my feet. Her sobbing tapered off and she hung her head.
"You've been as blind as Mike this whole time."
Stunned. Floored. Like a rock to my stomach. I didn't know what to say and just froze in total stupor.
"But I didn't mean it to go this far... I swear." She whimpered softly and an unfamiliar part of me wanted to reach out and comfort her. That shocked me. Had I really done what she'd said?
I remember when we were younger, she was always trying to play with Mike and I. Mike and I would tease her because she couldn't climb the tree, or run as fast as us. She was so girly. We were climbing trees and making secret forts, while she was wearing frilly pink dresses.
It felt like someone snapped an elastic band insider my brain. She was right. I'd done that. I'd dumped my best friend, my twin sister for him. For Mike. All her bitchiness, it was all to get my attention.
I looked down at McKenzie, she was nervously fingering the hem of her skirt like a small child that couldn't sit still might do. She looked so vulnerable. All her walls were down. The cold façade that she worn like a badge. She looked like that little girl that I played with all those years ago.
My heart broke.
I had abandoned her. For Mike.
Was he really worth all that?
Maria
I had this strange desire to sit next to her. I don't think the two of us had sat like that in years. Maybe when watching TV together on the couch, but then we would mainly spend the time fighting over which channel to watch. She wanted MTV or TLC or something like that, I wanted the History Channel or
