"Um...I..." I started the sentence with no real intention, or plan as to where it was going. What the hell was I supposed to say to all this anyway? But McKenzie looked up expectantly, clearly she was waiting for me to make a statement. Say something.
"You what?" She said, whipping a tear from her face.
I what exactly! Exactly what? "I guess I also never meant for it to go so far."
"And...?" McKenzie prompted me more.
"Shit! I don't know." I sounded frustrated, and I was aware that this was probably not the reaction she wanted. "I mean... I knew from the moment I did the whole "mystery mint kisser" thing I was in shit. In fact, I knew from the moment I kissed him. It's all just such a mess and now Mike says... he says..."
"Says what?" She asked, looking concerned.
"Says he loves me! Okay. After all this time... he loves me." I bit my lip. Despite McKenzie's show of emotion, I did not feel comfortable enough right now to be vulnerable in front of her. Especially when it came to Mike.
"I think he's always loved you." She whispered. "I mean, who wouldn't?"
"Huh?" My sister's words confused me instantly.
"Maria, you've always been..." She paused and started wringing her hands together. "Always been the cool one. The smart one, and I've always wanted to..."
She paused again. What was this? What was going on?
"You don't give a shit what people think about you. What mom says and thinks. You say what's on your mind, you stand up for yourself, even when we were younger, the boys were scared of you because no one messed with Maria Glover. Everyone knew that. And I'm... whatever. Whatever Maria. I feel like I'm pouring my guts out to you and you're saying nothing, so whatever."
She crossed her arms defensively and her face puckered and pouted back to the usual McKenzie look she wore.
"OMG, I'm just so over this conversation right now I could die!" She straightened her skirt and wiped the mascara from her face, eliminating all traces of the McKenzie that had just fallen apart and suddenly I got it all. My light bulb moment.
This McKenzie that sat in front of me right now. The one that bitched and moaned and pouted was not the real McKenzie at all. This was all for show. All a defense. And my heart felt like it broke again. Just like our relationship had, or maybe I was the one who had broken in.
"McKenzie..." I inched towards her.
"What?" She snapped at me.
"I'm sorry. I mean it. I'm really sorry."
She eyed me suspiciously, as if she didn't believe a words coming out of my mouth, "For what?" She whispered, looking emotional again. She was like a roller coaster right now, and I had never seen her this "un-composed".
"For everything. For abandoning you like that to Mike. But I didn't think you even liked me. It was like one day you just stopped liking me, I never knew you-"
She cut me off with a scream. "I had to stop liking you! Don't you get it? Because if I let myself like you, love you like I used to, it would have just been too...."
She burst into tears again, and this time without questioning my instinct I rushed over and hugged her. She hugged me back so hard that it hurt.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry McKenzie." It was all I could say and all I kept repeating over and over again. It felt good to hug her and all those childhood emotions rushed back. Inseparable twins, joined at the hip, partners in crime- that's what everyone had said about us.
"I'm sorry too," she said into my neck, which felt distinctly wet now from all the tears. "I'm sorry I messed stuff up with Mike."
I shook my head. "It's okay." And in that moment I meant it, and I didn't know what the hell that meant.
We both pulled away from each other and our eyes locked. For the longest time we just started at each other. It happened slowly, McKenzie curled her nose up and wiggled it at me and I smiled. I remember this, she had this weird ability to wiggle her nose and it had always made me laugh as a child. Whenever I was sad, McKenzie was there wiggling her nose. I smiled back at her. Soon my smile grew and without thinking about it, I was chuckling.
"It looks even more ridiculous now!" I said in between a laugh.
"What does." She wiggled her nose again and we both burst out laughing. This moment was so nostalgic, it was filled with all the happy memories of our childhood and more.
"So what does this mean?" I asked her.
She shrugged. "I don't know. But maybe we could start over or something? Maybe?"
I nodded at her. "I think I'd like that."
"Me too." A tear rolled down her check again and this time I joined her.
"FUCK!" She shouted. "I wish I could stop this crying, it's so messy and my mascara is not waterproof!"
I laughed again. That was such a McKenzie thing to say. In a good way.
Mike
I'd been sitting in my bedroom staring out the window expecting to see Maria, but as the hours past, and Maria had not made an appearance, I started to wonder if her dad had locked her up in a room somewhere. Something like that.
It was official, Mr. Glover was just about the most intimidating person I'd ever met. Ever. Especially when he smiled and acted nice, that was when he was most intimidating. But although I had shook on it, I wasn't sure how I was meant to not see Maria for a whole week. I still wanted to talk to her. I wanted to figure this whole thing out.
