Vaguely she heard cheering through the stone walls—the crowds outside were shouting his name over and over again. Not just his name. Her name too.
‘Alek and Hester!’
‘Alek and Hester!’
‘Alek and Hester!’
Now he was staring straight at her, willing her to move. She couldn’t ignore him, yet it hurt, this public display of unity that was so false. But his intense, unwavering gaze and the emotion emanating from him were all-encompassing. Surely it was something she had to reject?
But she couldn’t. Not because of the crowds watching, but because of him. He compelled her to move with just that promise in his eyes. And even though she couldn’t trust it, she couldn’t deny him. So she stepped forward and took her place on the dais beside him. He turned and placed the crown on her head—the fine-wrought gold the delicate mate of his.
To her amazement, he then bowed before her. Without prompting, without even thinking about it, she dropped into a curtsey before him. They rose together and he reached out to take her hand. This was good because the air was rushing around her and she felt faint. To the beat of those chanting voices, they walked the length of the grand hall and out to the balcony. Time sped crazily as they stood in front of the gathered crowds and the clicking cameras and listened to the hum of reporters broadcasting their commentaries.
Eventually he turned and guided her back into the palace and into the nearest escape room.
‘We need a few minutes.’ He shut the door in the face of the palace official seeking to follow them.
Keeping her back to him, Hester stepped further into the room to gather herself.
‘You…’ She trailed off, realising she couldn’t speak about anything too personal without losing it. ‘That was an amazing spectacle,’ she said harshly, indescribably angry all of a sudden. ‘You really nailed it.’
His muttered oath sounded suspiciously close.
‘Hester, look at me.’ His hands were on her shoulders and he spun her to face him.
His eyes blazed with an emotion she couldn’t hope to analyse and couldn’t bear to face.
‘It’s wasn’t a spectacle,’ he said furiously. ‘It wasn’t some show for public consumption. I meant it. Every word. Not for them. For you.’
She stared up at him, stunned into rigidity.
‘I don’t want to do any of this without you. I was a jerk. I’m sorry. I was never more serious in my life than when I said you are my Queen. You’re who I want by my side, always.’
She got that he thought they were a good fit. That she could complement him. But it wasn’t enough. She shook her head. ‘I can’t—’
‘I know what I offered wasn’t enough for you, Hester. I thought I understood, but I didn’t. It wasn’t until we were apart these last few days that I realised just how hollow my words were. How stupid.’
Her mouth dried.
‘I had my walls too, Hester, I just didn’t realise. All those women? It was avoidance. I didn’t want to get close to anyone and never stopped to think why. You helped me—you opened me up and I realise I never dealt with any of it: the ache of losing Mother of watching Dad retreat into isolation and control. And that I’d done the exact same thing in my own way. I thought I was so clever when, actually, I’m a coward.’ He huffed out a powerful sigh. ‘I thought you were the one who was shut off—and you were. But you’re braver than I’ve ever been. You realised what more you really need and you decided to fight for it.’
‘That was only because you got through to me. You made me realise how much I was worth. And how much I really want.’
‘How much you deserve.’ His chest rose and fell. ‘I know it’s all been too fast but give me a chance, Hester. Give us time. We’re amazing together.’
Amazing together? She blinked.
‘Hester, I’ve fallen in love with you.’
She stared at him fixedly. ‘That’s not possible.’
‘Why?’ That old smile twitched. ‘Haven’t you fallen for me?’
She swallowed. ‘Yes, but—’
‘The only problem was I couldn’t admit it to myself. I couldn’t admit how much you mattered. I was able to keep anyone from mattering much for a very long time. But you slid into my life and suddenly everything was upside down and inside out. Me, I’m inside out—I’m unable to exist the way I used to. Because it isn’t enough for me any more either. I want you right with me. I can’t stand the thought of losing you. I hate this distance we’ve had.’ He was shaking. ‘I know it’s a lot to ask. I know my life comes with a whole lot of pressure and complication. But you belong here—this could be your home. Stay with me, Hester. Please.’
‘You didn’t really want me to before. Not like this.’
‘Because I was an idiot. Because I didn’t know how to handle my own feelings. Because I was afraid. Losing someone you love hurts, Hester. I didn’t realise how much I was avoiding letting myself love someone. But the fact is, I can’t stop myself and I don’t want to any more. I love you. And I want you to let me love you.’
She shrivelled inside. Not believing him while at the same time wanting to.
‘Is it so hard to believe that I could love you?’ he asked.
‘It’s been a long time…’
‘I know.’ He brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers in the way that made her feel precious. ‘But I think a lot of
