“I’m not homophobic,” I state defiantly.
“You’re afraid of being gay. What else would you call it?”
“I’m not afraid…”
“You just think it’s wrong.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, my jaw tight with frustration. “You’re putting words in my mouth. It’s not a simple as you think.”
“But it is simple.” He reaches out and clasps my hand, his thumb running back and forth over my skin in a gentle rhythm. “It’s not wrong to want someone. It’s not wrong to feel.”
I shake my head. “I’m the king. I need to be stronger than that.”
He lets out a heavy sigh. “Strength doesn’t come from denying yourself something that would make you happy.” He lifts a hand to my face, rubbing his thumb across my cheek. “Forget about your father. Forget about me. Forget about the crown. There’s only one thing you should be considering here. What do you want?”
I shake my head sharply, prompting his hand to fall away. “This is what you don’t understand. What I want doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does,” Jai says, his voice a mere whisper. “Lukas, your father is dead. He’s not here to judge you or control you or punish you. You’re king now. And that doesn’t have to be a burden—not unless you let it be.”
I slump onto the edge of the bed, my head weighted down with a million scrambled thoughts. I barely even notice Jai approaching me, not until he kneels in front of me and takes my hands in his.
“Okay, I’m just going to put this out there,” he says. “I like you. Like really, really like you. I know I shouldn’t because you’re a grumpy asshole who likes to pretend I don’t exist. But I see how sweet you are with the kids, and how much you care about your brother, and, yes, I’ve noticed the way you relax when you’re working on a car…and I just can’t help it. I get all the feels. And you’re also ridiculously sexy and give incredibly amazing blowjobs so there’s that.
“But here’s the thing. I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not comfortable with. Even though I know you want me just as much as I want you. Even though I know you haven’t been able to stop thinking about me since I first got here. I’m not going to push it. I’m not going to keep chasing you. I want you to want to want me. Make sense?”
I blink at him a few times. “I…suppose?”
He gets off his knees and sits beside me on the bed. “I think we could be friends.”
My brows shoot up. “Friends?”
“Sure. I mean, we’re not going to be having sex. At least not until you realize it’s perfectly fine to want me—once that happens we’ll be doing it, like, twenty-four seven so clear your schedule. But until then we should be friends. The whole you ignoring me thing just isn’t going to fly anymore.”
I’d be lying if I said the thought of a twenty-four-hour sex marathon with this man didn’t send a little thrill of desire running through me. But it’s matched by feelings of panic and anxiety and I know there’s no way it’ll come to that. “You’re very confident I’m going to change my mind.”
He shakes his head slowly, the corner of his mouth tilting up in a sad smile. “I don’t need to change your mind. I need to open your mind.”
I feel as though I’m standing on the precipice of something, and accepting Jai’s offer of friendship will be the thing to push me right over. I should say no. I should simply return to ignoring him. He’s my children’s tutor, there’s no reason for us to socialize or become confidants of any sort. But there’s also no reason for us not to. This could be a kind of middle ground, a way to spend time with the intriguing American without actually giving in to those urges.
“Very well. Friends,” I say, holding my hand out for him to shake.
He takes it, lingering far longer than is generally acceptable as he shakes his agreement. “Friends.” He lets go of my hand and offers a dry smirk. “Now, as a friend, I kindly ask you to get the fuck out of my room. I need my beauty sleep.”
11
JAI
I’m not going to lie, my heart broke a little when I heard all the crap Lukas was saying in my room the other night. Not for me, though. For him. It’s beyond obvious he’s fighting a major struggle within himself, and that he has been for a long time, and it killed me to see him so torn up with misplaced shame and fear.
But I’m determined to prove to him what he feels for me isn’t wrong, and I don’t care how long it takes. Because he does feel something for me. It’s not just in my head, and it’s not just wishful thinking. I’m sure of it now.
“Jai! Jai! Jai! Look at me! Jai! You’re not looking!”
With a chuckle, I put down my laptop and glance over at the princess, who’s just come bounding down from her room dressed in her Halloween costume.
“Oh, my god!” I gasp. “Queen Elsa! I can’t believe you’re here, all the way from Arendelle! Did you come for a meeting with the king?”
Katya lets out a wild giggle and rushes over to me. “Jai, it’s not really Queen Elsa. It’s me, Katya.”
“Really?” I ask in mock surprise. “Your costume’s so convincing!”
She sits herself on the sofa next to me, her
