I nod my head and think about everything while I get undressed and check my phone, seeing Noah texted me.
Sorry I missed today! Two words, my mother and Kaleigh.
Oh Jesus! Is everyone okay?
Let’s just say no more naked yoga in the living room.
I don’t even know what to say to that.
There’s nothing to say.
We get dressed, each of us grabbing our bags to head out. “Okay, buddy, let’s go,” I tell Gabe as he walks out in front of me.
“Shit,” Matthew says. “They took the car.”
“It’s okay. I have Lauren’s, and I can drive you guys back to the hotel.” I open the trunk. “It really is a bus.” I wink at Gabe, and he just smiles and drinks the chocolate milk he got from Craig.
The minute I turn on the ignition, the sounds of “Let it Go” fill the car, and Cooper and Matthew both groan. “I take it you guys know this song?”
“Why is it playing?” Matthew yells from the back, putting his hands over his ears.
“Because it’s jammed inside the player and Mom didn’t have it checked out yet,” Gabe explains, his head moving to the beat of the music. “Dad used to do all that.”
I look at Cooper, who raises his eyebrows at me. My eyes go from him to the road, letting everything sink in.
We drop Matthew and Cooper off at their hotel, and a couple of fans notice them and come up to ask them to take pictures. We say good-bye with promise to see each other soon.
Once I turn onto the street and pull into the driveway, I jump out, grabbing my bag, while Gabe grabs his. I dump my bag into my truck, then inside the house.
Music and the smells of something delicious cooking flow through the house, greeting us as we walk in. Pink’s song “So What” is playing, and whatever is cooking smells amazing. I walk into the kitchen and see that Rachel is at the table doing some sort of homework, while Lauren is at the stove cooking.
“Hey,” I greet, coming up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist.
“Hey, there. How was hockey?” She asks, stirring the tomato sauce she is making.
“Good. Great, actually. Craig wants to coach him,” I tell her while she tastes it and lowers the temperature to let it simmer.
“Really?” She turns to drape her arms around my neck. “That’s exciting,” she says as she kisses my chin.
“Mooommm, I need help with math,” Rachel groans.
“Coming,” she answers. “I have to do homework. Are you going to stay for dinner?” She smiles. I think back to the bag I packed this morning and left on my bed.
“No.” I smile. “I’m pretty beat.”
Her smile slowly falls, but she replaces it right away with a forced one. “Oh yeah, of course.”
She lets go of me and moves to the table, my body missing her touch instantly. I watch her at the table, sitting down, explaining the math to Rachel. I watch her and think to myself, Can I do this?
“Okay, I’m going to head out,” I say to her. She nods her head, getting up to walk me to the door.
“Are you okay?” I sense that her demeanor has changed.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just busy. It’s Sunday, so we have to finish the homework and stuff. Nothing you would know.” Her last comment hits me straight in the gut. I lean down, kissing her on the lips, a soft kiss, a fast one. Totally different than I wanted.
“Mom, I got it!” Rachel yells again.
“I have to get back to her.” She opens the door, and I walk out. I get in the car and pull out, looking back at the door, hoping to see her there, but instead finding it closed. I don’t know why that pisses me off so much.
I take the long way home, trying to clear my mind.
I see that Noah’s car isn’t there, so I go straight to my door, opening it and letting myself in. There is nothing there to greet me. No noise, no music, nothing but silence.
It was something I used to crave. Now, I don’t know what the fuck it is.
I throw my keys on the table by the door, taking off my shoes and walking to the fridge. It’s empty. I slam it shut and grab the take-out menus from the drawer. I go through them, wondering what I want to eat. I know what I want to eat. I want to eat pasta at the table with Lauren and her kids.
Throwing the menus back into the drawer, I open the freezer and take out a frozen pizza, throwing it into the oven.
I walk over to the couch, grabbing the remote and turning the television on for some background noise. This is my life, the empty, the quiet. This is what I wanted, right? I never had ties, because I didn’t want them. But two days with her and her kids, and it’s something I’m rethinking.
The oven beeps, letting me know my pizza is ready. Getting up, I walk into the kitchen, my breathing and the low noise of the television the only sounds in the house. I eat the pizza alone, in the kitchen, leaning against the counter by myself.
I throw half the pizza away, thoughts of Lauren and how her dinner was so totally different than mine crowding my mind.
Turning off all the lights downstairs, I walk upstairs straight for my bedroom, where the unmade bed greets me. The pillow she slept on still has her indent. I throw my shirt in the basket next to the bathroom door and head to the shower.
By the time I’ve showered and shaved, it’s almost eight thirty. Grabbing my phone, I send her a text.
Hey
I sit in bed waiting for her to answer. Laying my head on the pillow next to hers, I hold it close to me. Her smell surrounds me, the memories of last night playing in my head.
After ten minutes of waiting, I
