I couldn’t do it again.
Even in my fuck-upped state of mind, one where the sorrow gripping me made it hard to think, that much was clear.
Still, there had to be other options.
There had to be!
Evil couldn’t always goddamned win.
Could it?
“What about the police?”
Like Carmen had done when I’d brought the same option up to her, Faye scoffed. “What’s that gonna do when the bossman owns the police force, along with half the politicians in this godforsaken state? I’ll tell ya what it’ll do—it’ll bring heat you ain’t never seen the likes of before. Dirty cops around here find out you’re stickin’ your nose in their puppeteer’s business, and they’ll bury you just to keep themselves clean.”
There had to be something we could do, but what that something was, I didn’t know. “So we just let the fucker get away with it?”
It tore me up to speak those words. He’d killed, stolen lives. And Christ only knew where the girls’ bodies were. I wouldn’t even be able to bury them. That was something I could not fucking handle. They deserved to rest in a casket, not rot in a ditch.
Something—anything—had to be done.
Chin wobbling, Faye exhaled sharply. “We ain’t got no choice but to let him get away with it.” Standing tall and pulling free of Tuck’s iron-clad hold, she looked from me to Hendrix. “Not if you want your young’un and his unborn grandbaby that Robina Hood told me all about to remain safe.”
The blood drained from my face.
“That can’t fuckin’ happen. Not again.” My boy’s voice was lined with insurmountable hurt as memories, all of them horrible, flooded back, hitting him in the gut with the force of a two-by-four. If everything inside me hadn’t already been broken, I would’ve cracked at the sound.
“So what now?” I asked.
“Now,” Faye answered, fight vanishing. “We pick up whatever pieces we can and move on.”
My jaw clenched.
How could she say that? Move on? No way in hell was that possible. Not when huge chunks of both my heart and soul were carved out and now dead and gone.
Faye was damned well delusional.
I would never move on!
“‘Cause it’s what she would have wanted,” she stated, matter-of-factly. “What they would’ve wanted.” Stepping forward, Faye extended her hand, beckoning for me to take it in mine. “And if you don’t mind, me and my young’un could use a ride to the bus depot since I’ll be dumping my ol’ beater of a car in the nearest river to avoid being tracked.”
My brow furrowed.
“I’ve got a sister that lives up in Virginia,” she continued, reading my confusion. “The bossman doesn’t know about her, so we’ll be safe in Alexandria where she lives. The only reason I didn’t make the trip years ago was because of Robina Hood. I couldn’t leave her, and fleeing with her would’ve been too risky. Unlike me, the bossman still valued her.”
I just bet he did.
Carmen was beautiful, addiction be damned.
“It’s why she wasn’t allowed to live at the complex with me. She and the rest of the pretty girls—the bossman kept them under lock and key, made em’ check in every night. Robina Hood liked to think he didn’t care what she did, but he did. Oh, he did. Me, though? He wouldn’t have cared a lick if I’d dropped dead on the spot.”
Her words only further enraged me.
My woman had never been his to keep.
“Which is why I’ve gotta get out. With my girls gone, the bossman will be comin’ for me. He knows how close we were and...” Faye’s voice trailed off when her daughter pressed her face into her arm and whimpered.
Jerking from hair to toes, Faye kissed the top of Amelia’s head. “I’ve got a contact at the bus depot who’s got a good heart,” she continued, eyes meeting mine once more. “She won’t use me and Amelia’s real names when she prints out our tickets.”
Reacting before I had a chance to speak, Tuck sprang into action. “Let’s go,” he said, cheek ticking with anger that was close to detonating. “I’ll drive you, buy the tickets, and give you some cash to get back on your feet.”
Faye nodded, gaze filled with heartbreak.
“James,” she whispered as she cupped my cheeks with gentle hands. “That girl loved you. With her entire heart. She’d lived in pain so long she wasn’t always good about showin’ her emotions, but I hope you know just how much she cared.”
Numbness vanishing, the pain returned.
Tenfold.
“And I loved her too. Always will.”
Even in death, my heart remained hers.
“I know that, Handsome,” she replied, nodding once more. “She knew it too.” Pushing to her tiptoes, she pressed a soft kiss to my stubble and tear-covered cheek. “It ain’t gonna be easy, but just remember to keep on breathin’. Even when it feels like you can’t, you take another breath, ya hear?’ Cause it’s what she would’ve wanted.”
The simple act was one I wasn’t sure I could manage. But for Carmen, I would try. Because as Faye said, it’s what she would’ve wanted. And her happiness was all that had ever mattered.
Wrapping my arms around Faye, I pulled her into me and hugged her tight, temporarily holding all her broken pieces together, even when mine were tumbling to the floor.
Chin resting on top of her head, I closed my eyes. “I’ll keep breathing,” I whispered, even though I knew I would never forgive myself. Once again, I’d fucked up and led to a beautiful woman’s destruction. For the hurt I’d caused, I deserved to die. “I swear it.”
Though I spoke the words reluctantly, it was a vow that, in the years to come, when the darkness grew so black that I didn’t know how I’d continue to wade through it, I kept, because like Faye said, it’s what my pretty little pixie would’ve wanted.
And for her, I’d do anything.
No matter how much it hurt.
Thirty-Seven
Carmen
In death, I found the ocean.
Shrouded in warmth, the melodic sound of gentle waves filled my ears as the current where
