Simply put, it was Heaven.
And in it, I found an angel.
“Carmen…”
Eyes fluttering open for the first time since I’d taken what I thought was my last breath, I looked up at the inky sky, where the twinkling stars hugged a soft form that I’d recognize anywhere. How could I not when I was one of two who knew what her beating heart sounded like from the inside?
Mamá…
Wearing a sparkling white dress that fell to the tops of her bare feet, she knelt beside me atop the water, the most beautiful smile I’d ever glimpsed playing on her lips. “Mi preciosa niña,” she whispered, fingertips tracing the length of my jaw. “I’ve missed you so very much.”
I turned my face into her touch, wanting—needing—to be closer to her. So much time had passed since she’d last touched me, and I was starving for her caress.
“I’ve missed you too,” I whispered back, overcome with disbelief that she was beside me and that my pain had ceased. “Where’s Papá?” Refusing to pull my gaze from mi madre for fear of her disappearing, I not-so-patiently awaited her reply. “Is he here too?”
I sounded like such a child, but it mattered little, because to the angel beside me, that’s precisely what I was—her child.
“No, bebé,” she answered, smile faltering for the briefest second. “But you will see him again one day, when your time to come home is truly upon us.”
I didn’t understand. “Mamá…”
Fingers raking through my hair just as she’d done each night of my childhood to lull me to sleep, she leaned down and pressed a simple kiss to my cheek before rising once more.
“It isn’t your time to come home to us.” My lips parted, but she gave me no chance to reply. “You must go back.”
Something akin to panic, but not as strong, assailed me. I didn’t want to go back, not to the place where she no longer existed.
But all it took was one look at her gorgeous face for me to realize that I had little choice.
Out of Heaven, I would be pushed.
And to a man-made hell, I would return.
“No,” I cried, fighting to shake my head despite the invisible restraints impeding me from doing so. “Please don’t make me go back. Not to that place—”
A firm hand cupped my jaw. “You must go,” she said, lips set in a soft but firm line. “Because without you, mi preciosa, those you’ve chosen to love won’t find peace.”
In an instant, everything came rushing back.
Little One. Chiquita.
Faye. Amelia.
Guapo…
Upon having James’s face flash in the forefront of my mind, the first flicker of pain reignited in my chest, reminding me of the very things I’d lost when the devil stole my life, ripping me away from the future we’d planned as a couple, along with the salvation that had almost been in reach.
“Mi chicas,” I whispered brokenly, feeling something other than the night’s kiss wet my cheek. “Are they…?” I couldn’t speak the words. If she told me of their deaths, I would plummet into the pitch-black abyss. “And mi Guapo—he’ll never forgive himself for my death.”
Not when he has yet to move past his mother’s…
She smiled sadly. “That is why you must go back, even though my heart pleads with me to keep you here forever.” Leaning down one more time, she nuzzled my face before finding my forehead with her soft lips. “You will either become his damnation or his salvation, bebé. It’s up to you to choose which.”
Pulling her eyes from mine, she looked at something behind me, something I could not see. “The time has come.”
Standing, she peered down at me as a single tear rolled down her glowing cheek. “Te quiero, mi preciosa hija,” she said, dress fluttering in the slight breeze. “Do not forget that, si?”
My heart cried out for her just as another voice, one much younger and more panicked than Mamá’s had been called out to me, drawing my bleeding soul’s attention.
“Carmen!” Little One yelled, drowning out the gentle lapping of the water where I floated, swimming in the hallucination holding me captive. “Hang on for me!” Mi madre vanished further, almost disappearing. “Don’t you dare frickin’ die on me!”
“Mamá…”
Her form flickered, then began to fade.
“Go to her, Carmen,” she demanded. “Now.”
Knowing it was the right thing to do, I prepared to do as she said and thus say goodbye. “I love you.”
They were the final words I uttered before closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, one which brought insurmountable pain and unending agony as I spiraled back to the dark reality from which I’d come.
“Mama C!” Cold, shaky hands clutched the front of my ruined clothing as the stink of rotten eggs tickled my nose, and water clung to my torn skin. “Dang it, you hold on for me!”
Little One…
“Jade,” I croaked out just as my back sunk into mud that reeked worse than anything I’d ever smelled. “H-help… m-me.”
On her knees beside me, Little One ripped off the blood-soaked t-shirt she wore and pressed it to my belly, covering the many wounds El Diablo had inflicted.
“Help is coming,” she said, crimson fluid weeping from her left shoulder, where a small bullet hole disfigured her flesh. “I found the road and flagged down a trucker. He’s calling for an ambulance now.”
“You’re s-shot.” Like my failing body, my words were weak, barely audible. I was surprised she heard me speak them at all.
“I’m okay,” she assured me, dipping her chin once. “But you’re not.” Throat bobbing, her entire body trembled, lower lip included. “And neither is A-Ashley.”
Upon saying Chiquita’s name, her voice cracked.
Before I could attempt to ask her what she meant, not that I could have since I was slipping away once more, one of my biggest fears escaped her lips, striking me straight in the pulsating remnants of my heart.
“El Diablo k-killed her,” she stammered, blood continuing to trickle from her wound. “She fought to keep him
