And because they haunted me, I’d found my way to the paper mill more than once in the previous weeks. But I had yet to find her there, much to my disappointment.
I have to see her again…
Have to find out how I can help.
“That I can do.” A grin spread across Shelby’s face at my request, pulling me from my thoughts of Carmen. Almost bouncing with excitement, she nodded. “Picking on Kyle is always fun.”
Only she would say such a thing.
Hotheaded and with a mouth to rival my son’s, most didn’t mess with Tuck. But my daughter didn’t care. Like a honey badger, Shelby didn’t give a shit who she riled up.
Placing her hands on her knees, my girl met Lucca’s gaze. “Be good for Pop, okay?”
“K.”
After offering me a brief wave, she turned and headed into the station. “Oh, Kyle,” she called out in a sing-song voice. “Where are you, Mr. Attitude? Me and you need to talk.”
Lucca shook his head. “Tile in tub-tub.”
I chuckled, understanding his toddler talk with ease. “Kyle is in trouble.” Shifting him from one arm to the next, I turned, facing the ladder truck. “Ready to get inside?” An eardrum-bursting squeal was his response. “I’ll take that as a yes then.”
A second later, another squeal, which was louder than the first believe it or not, echoed through the bay as I opened the truck’s driver’s side door and climbed in. Seating Lucca on my lap, I placed his hands on the wheel. “Hold on tight,” I said, starting the large diesel.
The engine roared to life, and my grandson looked back at me, his eyes wide with excitement. “Pop-Pop, dive!”
“Buddy, your Mama will kick my—”
“Dive!”
How was I supposed to say no?
I couldn’t. Simple as that.
“To hell with it,” I mumbled, smiling. “I may be forty-three, but I can still run.” I paused. “Especially if a hot-tempered blonde intent on whooping my a-double-s is chasing me.”
Shifting the truck into drive, I stepped on the gas and steered it out of the bay. “Want to turn on the siren?”
“Iren, Pop-Pop!”
Happier than I had been in a long time, I took his hand in mine, placing his index finger under a silver switch. “Ready?”
“Eddy!”
My vision blurred as I activated one of the sirens. A lone tear fell from my eye, sliding down my cheek as I held my grandson with one hand and the steering wheel with the other.
“U-ka doin’ it!”
“You’re doing it, Buddy,” I said, turning the truck toward the large-sized back lot where we could drive in an endless loop. “Now steer.”
Gripping the wheel tight, he nodded and laughed, his short black curls bouncing in time with his kicking legs. “Ook! It’s Mama!”
Shit…
Holding him a little tighter, I spotted Shelby, Hendrix, and Tuck, all standing by the back door. I expected my girl to be pissed that I’d taken the truck out with Lucca inside, even if all we were doing was driving in circles, but she wasn’t.
Not even close.
Smiling from ear-to-ear, she waved as we passed her. “Go, Little Man!” she screamed, eyes filled with undeniable pride. “You’re doing so good!”
“Pop-Pop stop! Ick up Mama!”
“You want to pick up your mama?”
He nodded, throwing his arms up in the air just as he’d done earlier. “Yes!”
Pressing on the brake, I brought the truck to a stop. “Shelby!” I hollered out the open window. “Let’s go!”
She didn’t hesitate.
Neither did Hendrix nor Tuck.
Like kids, all three ran to the truck and jumped in.
“This is bullshit,” Hendrix fussed after losing the captain’s seat—my seat—to his sister. “That’s supposed to be my seat, but Blondie stole it.”
“Should’ve been faster,” Shelby fired back, rolling her eyes. “Might wanna work on your cardio, Behemoth.”
Without knowing they were related, they still bickered like siblings. It both amused and tore me up inside. They should’ve been together all their lives. If only my ex hadn’t been a sorry excuse for a mother and if I hadn’t been an abusive drunk, then maybe they would’ve been.
Thankfully, there was still time.
Soon…
I have to tell them soon.
“Dive road, Pop-Pop!”
I looked at Shelby, an unspoken question on my face.
Shrugging, she lifted her hands in the air, palms facing the roof. “It’s your truck.”
And you’re my little girl. The words fought to get free, but I bit them back.
“If you want to drive him around town, I’m alright with it.”
I squeezed Lucca’s hand. “Little Buddy, you want to climb in the back with Hendrix and Tuck? They can buckle you into the jump seat so you’re safe. Then we can hit the road. I may even let your mama play with the siren.”
Dropping her head back, Shelby laughed, warming something in me that had been frozen solid for more years than I could count.
“We got a helmet back here he can wear,” Tuck said, surprising me. “Even got a jacket. Both are Ty’s, I think. He’s the only one who leaves his shit lying around.”
Yeah, right.
Bouncing with excitement, Lucca twisted in my lap and reached for his uncle. “Henny! Elp!”
Taking Lucca from me without hesitation, my boy helped him into the jacket, which swallowed him whole and placed Ty’s helmet atop his head, before buckling him into the seat next to him.
Seeing him back there healed and hurt me.
It hurt because I’d wasted every moment I’d been gifted with my son thanks to my own selfishness and self-loathing.
As a kid, Hendrix should’ve been on my lap in that truck, playing with the sirens just as Lucca had moments before.
But I’d fucked up.
A whole hell of a lot.
Yet somehow, despite the damage I’d done to our relationship, and the years we’d spent apart after I nearly cost him everything, fate had steered him back to the place where he was always meant to be.
At the station, with a sober me.
And even though I’d done a lot wrong and broke many things that I’d never be able to fix, I had a clean slate with my grandson. That’s if Shelby allowed me to be a part of his life once she learned the
