Great. Now she was pissed at me.
“What did I do?”
“You know what you done did,” she said, nose in the air as if I’d offended her. “And I ain’t gonna spell it out for you either.”
I was lost. As per usual where her tantrums were concerned. “I have no earthly idea—”
“You stood me up!” Spine snapping straight, I froze. “You were supposed to have a supper date with me on Saturday, remember? I even put on my purdiest dress and wore my fancy dancing shoes, but your sorry behind never showed up to take me out on the town!”
“Dammit,” I cursed, mostly to myself. In a haze and focused only on Carmen, I’d hadn’t given the Crazy Old Biddy a second thought. It made me feel lower than maggot manure. The woman was nuttier than a fruitcake, but she’d always been good to me—except that time she tried to shoot me—and I’d always loved her as if she were my own mother. “I’ll make it up to you. I swear it. Just—”
“Give my pop a break, ya old bird,” Hendrix said, cutting off the promise I was about to make. “Did you ever think that maybe he didn’t have time to go two-stepping with you because he was out on a date with the woman he’s planning to marry one day?”
Marry?
My head spun at his words.
Yet, surprisingly, my gut didn’t twist.
Shifting the basket from one arm to the next, Hendrix smiled. “’Cause he was. You should see her too.” My damned kid, shit-stirrer that he was, was gossiping right in front of me, knowing I’d be too shocked to stop it. “She’s beautiful with an attitude that rivals yours and Shelby’s.” He chuckled. “Maddie and me both like her. A whole hell of a lot.”
Chest warming, I rubbed my left pec.
It was impossible for someone not to love Carmen, but to hear my son say such things about the woman I’d unexpectedly fallen head over ass in love with? Explaining that feeling was impossible. And knowing he’d undoubtedly fall for her girls just as hard when he met them? That only intensified the heat spreading through my chest.
“I’ll be a good dadgummed,” Grandmama said, knowing exactly who my kid was referring to. “This changes everything.”
Nodding, she fell silent, mulling something over in her head. Then, “Well, I was planning on spraying your toilet paper down with pepper spray in retaliation, but I suppose I can forgive you this one time.”
Pepper spray on toilet paper?
That was a new one.
“Yeah, I reckon I can do that since you were busy wining and dining…” Rouge-painted lips sealing into thin strips, she glared at me over the top her fuchsia-rimmed glasses. “Actually, you better have skipped the wining part.”
I nodded. “Yes, ma’am, I did.”
“Good,” she replied, lifting her nose in the air. “Because I’d hate to shoot you in your rump. It’s just too darned pretty to maim.”
Hendrix gagged.
Lifting the basket, he nodded toward the other end of the hall. “I’m going to drop this off with Tuck and then I’m hitting the shower.” He aimed a piercing look the Crazy Old Biddy’s way. “Don’t go wandering around, Grandmama. The last thing we need is for you to hobble in the showers and grab something you don’t have any business touching.”
Grandmama shrugged nonchalantly. “I ain’t making no promises.”
Of course she wasn’t.
Shaking his head, my boy walked off, leaving me alone with the special brand of nutty standing two feet away.
“I’m late for Beach Bingo so I’ve gotta skedaddle,” she said, wasting no time. “But I expect your delectable tush to be at my supper table within the next day or two. We’ve got lots to talk about and brand new plans to make.”
I nodded. “I’ll be there.”
“You best be,” she said, once again shooting me a pointed look. “Else your ass is grass and I’m the doggone John Deere lawn mower.” Done threatening me, her face softened. Patting my cheek, she whispered, “I’m proud of you, Superman. You’ve come a long way, and it’s only up from here.”
I prayed she was right.
“Now,” she said, readjusting the turquoise, suitcase-sized purse that hung from her hunched shoulder. “I’m off like a herd of turtles.” Pulling a piece of lint from my shirt, she huffed out a breath. “Heavens to Betsy knows if I’m two seconds late that dagblasted Beatrice will steal my spot. Damned hussy. I swear one of these days I’m gonna whoop her no girdle-wearing self with my swatter.”
I chuckled as she hobbled away.
“Drive careful, Grandmama!”
Ignoring me, she hoofed it down the hall before stopping in front of the door at the very end. “I’ve gotta tinkle,” she mumbled to herself. “So I’m just gonna pop into the little girl’s room before I head on out and—”
Oh shit…
“Grandmama, wait! That’s not the—”
Before I could finish my sentence, she pushed the door open. Eyes flaring, the Crazy Old Biddy slapped her hand against her chest and stumbled back, engulfed by the cloud of steam rolling out of the communal shower.
“Lord have mercy!” she hollered, looking ready to faint as she clutched the pearl necklace dangling from her flushed neck. “Somebody page Jesus ’cause I’ve just found Heaven!”
“Cap, for fuck’s sake!” Nick, one of my EMT’s shouted in return. “Would you get the granny cougar away from the door! She’s looking at my bare ass like it’s a juicy Georgia peach she’s aching to sample!”
Knowing full-well she’d do just that if I didn’t step in, I moved my ass, more than ready to deal with another of Grandmama’s antics, and one I was thankful for, because for those few seconds, my heart didn’t hurt at Carmen’s absence.
But all too quickly, the pain returned.
Thirty
James
Hours after the Crazy Old Biddy rolled out of the station, leaving a trail of pinched, bruised asses in her wake, I found myself sitting behind my file-covered desk, my pounding head cradled in my hands.
A picture of misery, it
