But those hadn’t come from a beating. They’d come from something worse. So much worse. “How did it come to this?”
The surrounding silence closed in on me, crushing me a little more with each second that ticked by.
Fighting for air, I worked to push down the grief that radiated through my chest, breaking me, piece by piece.
My effort was in vain.
The hopelessness, hurt, and torment…
All three were unending cycles.
And I couldn’t take it any longer.
Ignoring the pain crackling in each of my limbs, I crawled across the room and snatched a baggie of white pills—most of them oxy—from a broken nightstand, along with an unopened fifth of Jack.
Mind racing with both images and memories that I wanted to erase, my fingers moved on auto-pilot as I ripped open the bag and twisted the cap off the whiskey.
Without hesitating, I tossed a handful of pills into my mouth. After so many years of hell, I just wanted the pain to stop.
I then lifted the Jack to my lips.
The glass rim bit into my busted flesh as the fiery liquid, followed by the pills, slid down my throat. They hit my empty stomach, and I gagged, nearly losing everything I’d swallowed.
Burning anger singed my insides.
This wasn’t how my life was supposed to be.
Wasn’t how death was supposed to come.
The unfairness of it all…
It made me shake with rage.
Sixteen years had passed since Mamá’s life had been stolen, and my little brother was taken from me. In that time, I’d gone from being an imprisoned Colombian cartel mistress to a drug-addicted American street whore, and I couldn’t handle it any longer.
My misery had become too great.
I missed my parents, but I missed mi hermanito even more. So much time had passed since I’d last seen him that I could hardly recall the sound of his voice nor the melodic echo of his laughter, neither of which I could bear to forget.
After so long, I doubted he was still alive.
Regardless, what remained of my soul cried out for him every day, even when it knew I’d never hold him in my arms again.
That truth became clear the day Carlos Melendez handed me off to Dominic West, or El Diablo as we called him, an American pimp that had been intent on bringing me to the United States.
It was a thought that broke me a little more each time it took root in my head, killing any seed of hope that had begun to flourish.
I’d promised an eighteen-year-old me that I’d find a way to free Alejandro and me from the hell that had become our lives the moment we fell into the cartel’s grasp, but like the childhood vows I’d made my mother, I’d broken my word.
Knowing that made everything hurt worse and unable to handle it any longer, I needed the agony to stop.
Immediately.
More than ready for it to all be over, I tossed more pills into my mouth. Another swig of Jack followed, increasing the searing pain in my stomach tenfold as I muttered a single prayer, the last I would ever speak.
“Please forgive me.”
I lifted the whiskey bottle once more but quickly dropped it when the bedroom door swung open and slammed against the graffiti-covered wall behind it, sending broken pieces of moldy plaster and other debris floating through the humid air.
I jumped, completely dazed, as the dozen pills that remained were smacked out of my hand. Wide-eyed, I watched as they, along with the torn baggie, fell to the floor, scattering in every direction.
“Don’t you frickin’ dare!” A fiery voice screamed, jerking my attention from my failed attempt at escape to Jade Allen, the teenage girl standing before me, her sparkling green eyes full of confusion and betrayal.
A teenage girl who, in my darkest moments, had become one-half of my light. “What in the world do you think you’re doing?”
Mouth unmoving, I said nothing.
Terror morphed Jade’s already panic-stricken features as she looked from me to the pills, then back to me again. “Nope,” she mumbled, shaking her head. “This is not happening.”
Lunging forward, she wrapped her trembling hand around my slim bicep and spun me to face an empty box next to the wall.
Kneeling beside me, she forcibly plunged her index finger deep into my throat, taking me by surprise and making me gag on the first try.
“Come on,” she urged, grasping the back of my neck with her free hand. “Get them all up!”
My shoulders shook as my stomach convulsed, emptying itself, and ridding my body of every undigested pill I’d taken.
Any chance I had at escaping was ruined.
Sanity slipping, I screamed in frustration and jerked to the side, fighting to free myself.
Jade wasn’t having it.
Holding me tight with a strength I hadn’t known she possessed, she refused to let me go.
“Ashley, help me hold her still!” she yelled, looking over her shoulder at Ashley Ward, the other half of my light. “Now!”
Nodding once, Ashley, or Chiquita as I called her, scrambled away from the doorway where she’d stood and wrenched my hands back, securing them in place.
Determined to save me, Jade shoved her finger down my throat once more, making my belly lurch until there was nothing left for me to vomit.
My gut was empty, the pills gone.
Removing her shaking finger, she stood, hands going to her wild red hair. “You have three gosh dang seconds to tell me why you would do something so stupid!”
When Ashley released my hands, I turned and fell into her waiting arms. Resting against her, I accepted every bit of comfort she offered as I went numb.
“Oh heck no!” Jade continued, her freckle-covered cheeks flaming red, matching her hair. “You will not ignore me—”
“Because I’m tired, Little One!” I yelled, allowing my loca to rise to the surface. “I’m tired of hurting, and I’m tired of being hurt! I know you think I’m selfish, but I can’t do this anymore!”
I had lost my pride.
My dignity.
My family.
I was done.
Holding my track mark-covered arm out for her to see, I continued to scream, “Jade, look
