“Anna, where are you? Are you okay?”
I slipped into an empty conference room. “I’m okay,” I said quietly, muffling my voice with my hand. “What’s up?”
“You know that Ian’s been looking for you, right?”
“Yeah. But I can’t...I don’t think we can be together. We’re just totally different people.”
“You know, it was just a fight. Couples do that. You might not agree on some things, but you’re supposed to talk about it and figure it out. Michael and I used to fight all the time. We still do sometimes.”
“Cassie, we can’t agree on this, okay? He is literally just living the life that his parents want him to. I cut my family off because I didn’t want to have anything to do with stuff like that. He stands for everything I reject.” I paused to wipe my tears away. “Besides, I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t want to be with someone as broken as I am. He deserves a happy, healthy, normal person.”
“Anna! How can you say that! He obviously loves you.”
I cry-snorted. “We’ve been together for three weeks, and all we’ve done is fuck and fight. How can that be love?” I tried to stifle my sobs and turned away from the glass door so that my coworkers couldn’t see.
“Anna. Listen to me. You are a happy, healthy, normal person. You’re not broken. You’re strong and beautiful and—”
“Cassie, stop. Just stop. I know you mean well, but you know what I’ve been through and what I’m like. I don’t want to hear it right now.”
Her tone hardened. “So what, you just want to wallow in self-pity and let Ian be miserable? He was frantically trying to get in touch with you last night. He’s probably sitting at his desk, try—”
“He’s not here.” I sniffed. “He didn’t come in today.”
“Oh,” Cassie said. “That’s...odd. I hope nothing happened.”
“What do you mean?
“Ian’s never missed work except because of his mom.”
Shit. Fuck. I was always thinking about me me me, never about the bigger picture. Guilt set in, and I panicked. “I...do you...should I—”
“Just call him, Anna. I know he’ll want to talk to you. Good luck.” Cassie hung up.
I tried calling him right after, but the call went straight to voicemail. I hung up and tried calling again. I left a voicemail that time, telling him that I was staying with Asher for the time being and that he should call me back when he could.
He never called me back.
◆◆◆
When I came home from work that day, Asher was there, getting ready for a show that night in Hell’s Kitchen.
“Hey.” He walked up to me and reached out as if to put his hand on my arm, but then thought better of it and dropped his arm to his side. “Can we talk? I just want to make sure that we get off on the right foot this time.”
I nodded and glanced at the fist-shaped hole in the wall. He hadn’t patched it yet, just like he hadn’t fixed anything else in the apartment. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”
He walked over to the couch and I followed. He turned to me and said, “While you were gone, I did a lot of thinking. I shouldn’t have assumed that we’d just get back together. I know you were trying to work through some stuff, and I shouldn’t have pressured you or held our friendship over your head.” He paused. “I should’ve been more understanding.”
I smiled. Asher was a good guy. Quick to anger, quick to forgive. But my smile faltered as I forced myself to say, “It’s not your fault. I should’ve been honest with you. About everything. And I will be, from now on.” I meant it.
“Me too.” He took my hand in both of his. “Anna, I don’t want to pressure you or anything, but I’d like you to know that I would love to get back together with you. I know it might not happen right away, or maybe at all...but you’re welcome to stay here and we can figure it out.”
I wanted to want to kiss him. I really did. But all I could think about was Ian.
“Thanks, Asher.” I patted his hand. “I’m really lucky to have you.”
He pulled me in for a hug, and we held each other for a long time.
◆◆◆
Ian didn’t show up the next day, either, and he still hadn’t called me back. I began to assume the worst and started to panic, so I texted Cassie to let her know that he hadn’t come in. She tried calling him, too. He didn’t pick up her calls, either.
I saw his manager, Isaiah, later that day, so I stopped him in the hallway. “Hi, Isaiah. Has Ian mentioned anything to you? About...why he’s out?”
Isaiah gave me a pitying look and patted my arm. “Anna. He didn’t tell you? His father passed away.”
My ears began to ring, and my vision tunneled into the office carpet. Had I just heard him right?
Ian’s dad had...died?
Shocked, I thought back to the argument that we’d had, where I’d told him that he didn’t have a real life, just lived for the sake of his parents. That he didn’t have any passion.
I thought about his pained look when he mentioned that his parents were getting old.
We’d fought because I hadn’t wanted to deal with meeting them. Because I’d been so wrapped up in how judgmental they’d be, so offended that Ian couldn’t understand my point of view, and cared more about their comfort than my own.
And then...his dadhad died?
All at once, my hearing returned to Isaiah calling my name, his hand on my shoulder, asking if I was okay. The tension in my chest burst, morphing into full-blown heartache, and I crouched down and hugged myself as hot tears spilled over. Our coworkers came over to see what was the matter, and soon they were all patting
