I rolled my eyes.
“...and maybe you’ve only ever used it to text and watch porn, but there’s this really sweet feature…”
“Lina.”
“...called calling and you can literally talk to someone, whenever you want, in like two seconds. And planes—okay, I won’t belabor the point. Heh, get it? Belay-bore? But yeah, long-distance really isn’t that bad.”
I snorted. “Lina, you are...weirder than I thought. I’m gonna miss you.”
“I know. I’ll miss you, too. Let’s keep in touch, for real. It’s not hard these days. And hit me up if you’re ever back in the city.” She got back onto the route, gracefully flagging out and easily climbing through a section that I’d burled through (with poor form) only a few weeks ago.
“I will.” I meant it, too.
Chapter 21
-Anna-
I got into work 30 minutes early that day, and even then, he was already there, hard at work.
I dropped my stuff onto my seat and walked over to his desk. He briefly glanced up from his computer, then went back to typing. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I expected him to get up and hug me, but he didn’t. Just sat there and kept typing.
“Do you need something?” he asked without looking up, face expressionless.
“I…” I glanced around and noticed that a couple of other people were already in the office, including Tom, who was watching us keenly from the water cooler. “No. I’ll talk to you later.” I turned on my heel and walked back to my desk. I could see how our conversation today was going to go, and my breakfast threatened to resurface.
I sat down and compiled a mental breakup checklist.
Change desktop background image
Delete photos and text messages from phone
Never go climbing again
As lunch drew closer, my queasiness only grew, and my eyes periodically misted for no apparent reason.
He didn’t look up from his computer again, except when coworkers came up to him and gave their condolences, or asked him something about his projects. His responses to them were as terse and unfeeling as they had been to me, and I saw more than one frown or confused look thrown his way.
At exactly noon, he got up from his desk and came over to mine. “Ready to chat?” He sounded as if we were colleagues going on a walk to discuss a work dispute—tense, yet blandly cheerful.
“Yeah, can I use the restroom first?”
“Sure, I’ll wait.”
I walked to the ladies room and checked my makeup. My eyeliner was smudged in the corner, the usually-sharp wings smeared and sagging. I suspected that it was going to look far worse by the end of the day, but I cleaned it up anyway, washed my hands, squared my shoulders, and went out to meet him.
He was waiting for me out in the hallway, reading an article on his phone. He looked up as I approached and fell into step beside me as we walked towards the elevators. I let my hand hang by my side, close to his, hating myself for how hopeful and desperate I felt...but he didn’t take it, just kept holding his phone.
Instead of going out, we went to the dining hall on the second floor. I think it was a good call on his part, as we weren’t likely to kill or fuck each other with our coworkers looking on. We each grabbed a tray and waited in line for different things. I got the Cobb salad, he got the noodles. We met at a table in the middle, then picked at our food in silence.
Finally, he said, “Anna, I want to apologize for all of the things that I said the last time I saw you. I didn’t mean any of it. It was just my temper talking.”
He’d dropped the cool coworker act, and his voice was low and filled with regret. I knew that he hadn’t meant the things that he’d said, but it still cheered me up to hear him apologize. But the pressure in my chest was only marginally relieved. “It’s...okay. I said some terrible things, too. I didn’t mean it. Any of it.” I poked at my salad. No appetite.
“You were right about some of it, though. I won’t deny that...I’ve lived my life according to a plan, one that my parents were proud of. But that’s what I wanted. And honestly, it’s pretty clear to me that that’s not what you want, so...I think we should call it quits.”
I blinked, utterly dumbfounded. We weren’t going to talk things through? Not even a little? We were...over that quickly? How could he just end things between us so horribly, with so few words?
My brain latched onto the only rational explanation. “Yeah. I guess so. You can definitely do better than a wreck like me.”
He shook his head. “That’s not—”
“It’s fine. I think you deserve someone more…more...” I struggled to find the word. Gave up. “Like you.” I blinked even harder.
He hesitated, then reached across the table and took my hand. “I know you won’t believe it, but you’re not a wreck. I’m lucky to have had a chance with a wonderful, fierce woman like you. You’re gonna make someone really happy, someday.”
My heart clenched at the genuine look on his face, and my eyes watered once more.
He drew his hand back down to his lap. “Besides, I’m moving to San Francisco.”
“What?” I gawked at him. The shock of his news stemmed the tide of tears that were threatening.
“I’m transferring to the SF office and moving over there. I want to be closer to my family.”
“But...when?” My fingernails dug into my palms—this was really happening.
“As soon as the transfer goes through, and as soon as I can put the condo up for sale.”
“You owned the condo?” Fuck, how much did tech leads make?
He smiled grimly. “What did you expect? I’m the Chinese-American dream.”
“Ian.” I wanted to reach out to take his hand again, but it wasn’t on the table. “I’m so sorry about everything. Really.” I rubbed my
