But watching him try to control his emotions in order to reason through this situation—I loved him. I loved every single part of him, and if Helena was part of him, I knew I’d love her too.
“Jace, babe. We should do whatever we need to do to find out if Helena is your baby.” I sounded almost enthusiastic, I hoped he could tell that my intentions were good.
“Well, sure. You want to make sure this baby isn’t mine,” Jace said sharply, cutting me off.
“No. Yes. I mean—” I stammered before recovering. “What I meant was that either way we need to know.”
“Alex. Please. Can you try to keep your thoughts to yourself right now? Is that too much to ask? It’s a lot to take in, and I just want a few minutes to sit here and think.” Jace brought his fists back up to his eyes.
“Okay.” I felt hurt but supportive of his own process.
So we sat in silence again for easily half an hour.
“I’m scared out of my mind right now,” Jace finally said so quietly I could barely hear him.
“I know. What can I do?”
“Make all of this go away?” he said sadly.
“I wish I could.” I tried to empathize with him.
“Yeah, I know you probably do,” he muttered and brought a shaky hand to his brow.
In all the years I’d known him, I’d never seen Jace break down. My earlier assessment of his calm demeanor was wrong. He was freaking the fuck out. I held out my hand to him and he clasped it to his chest and pulled me over. Wrapping my arms around him, I hugged him as tight as I could.
“I’m not going to leave, Jace,” I tried to assure him. “No matter what.”
“Don’t make that promise, Alex.” Jace stroked my hair. “I might have a baby to take care of soon. Jesus.”
“We will cross that bridge when we come to it.” I looked up at him, but he was staring off into the distance.
“I should just go and see her,” he said, almost to himself. “If I see her maybe I’ll know whether I need to lawyer up.”
“I disagree, before you see her you need to get a lawyer, Jace.” I stroked his chin. “You have deep pockets. You need to protect yourself, or at least have some help with this process.”
“Christ, Alex. Stop telling me what to do. You need to let me figure this out,” Jace growled, breaking free from my embrace to stand.
“Oh, Gawd. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be bossy. Come to bed.” I tried to make amends. “Things won’t seem as bad tomorrow.”
“Go ahead.” Jace moved toward the kitchen. “There is zero chance I’m sleeping tonight.”
“I get it. Okay, then we’ll stay up.”
“This isn’t your problem to solve, Alex.” Jace was exasperated and strode toward the bedroom. “I’m trying to be nice, but when I say I need some time alone, I need some time alone.”
“Wait, you said you wanted space to think. Now you want some time alone? Are we not in this together?” I followed him. “I mean, if this is our first crisis, then we should be working on it together.”
“Are you serious right now?”
“U-Um—” I stuttered, completely unsure of what to do or say. I just wanted him to know that I was all-in no matter what. But he was so upset my words kept getting jumbled.
“You know what? I’m going to catch a ferry back to my place.” Jace stormed through the house on the way to our bedroom. “I need time to process this without distractions.”
“We leave for New York on Friday.” I kept pace with him, feeling panicked. “Why can’t you just stay here and cool down? I can sleep in the barn or on the couch if you need to be away from me.”
“You’re not fucking sleeping in the barn, this is your house, Alex.” Jace went to the closet, grabbed his backpack, and threw it on the bed.
“I have no idea what to say to you right now.” I sat on the bed. “I don’t think anything I say or do will be the right thing.”
“Probably not,” Jace muttered as he put some toiletries into his backpack.
I couldn’t help it, my eyes sprung leaks. It was hard to comprehend how we had gone from blissfully happy to rock bottom in an instant. Wiping the tears from my eyes as they fell, I sat silently while he packed.
“I can’t deal with you being upset on top of all of this shit, Alex.” Jace looked at me coldly with his backpack hanging off one shoulder.
His words hurt. All I could see was my world exploding. At that moment, my feelings were shredded. I figured that he couldn’t leave me if I left him first.
“Fine. Take all the time you need. No need for me to burden you with my presence in New York.” I hiccupped through tears, not really meaning it, but unable to stop my lips from flapping.
“Are you serious? Fuck, Alex. That’s not what I meant, but fine. Best I know where you stand now,” Jace roared.
I stared at him through my tears.
“That took a lot less time than I expected.”
“What do you mean?”
“You bailing on me.” He stalked out the door so fast my reaction time was delayed. Wait? Wasn’t he bailing on me? Arguments sucked so bad. I had thought we were on such solid ground, but with our track record, it began to feel more like quicksand.
When I finally came to my senses enough to run after him, he had already shut the door to his truck and started the engine. Stopping in front of the driver’s side, I gestured for him to roll down
