Looking in, everybody seems to be having the time of their lives, without me. That’s how my entire life has been. I’ve always been on the outside looking in, and I never would have thought I’d be on the outside of my own family.
“How’s it going?”
Wild scares me as he walks up behind me, as stealthy as Tyler.
“All right, now that you’ve given me a fucking heart attack.”
A grin appears for a few seconds at the corner of his mouth. “Didn’t mean to.”
“What are you doing out here?”
He raises an eyebrow. “I could ask you the same thing.”
The two of us stare at each other for so long I have to blink. When he doesn’t make a move to go back inside, I finally give in. “Felt like I was on the outside looking in, so I thought maybe it’d be better if I did. ‘Sides, I can smoke and drink out here without Walker seeing me,” I take another drink from the bottle. “Your turn.”
If anyone doesn’t want to talk to me, it’s Wild. He hates talking to anyone, but now that I’ve shared, he’ll definitely feel the need to share back.
“It’s still overwhelming,” he shrugs. “Being with everyone. No matter how many times I try to convince myself I’m used to it, I’m not. Sometimes when everyone’s together, I have to take a few moments to myself.”
“You were a bartender, you’re used to a crowd of people.”
“Yeah, but there was a bar in between me and them. Those people in there,” he points to them with the lit end of his cigarette. “They’re huggers and they don’t pay attention to the don’t hug me vibe I like to put off. It’s hard to deal with.”
I throw my head back laughing. He’s described them perfectly. They may get your vibe, but that doesn’t mean they’re gonna pay attention to it. “You’ll get used to it one day. I did, even though I said I never would. There might even come a time when you miss it.”
The way he avoids my eyes tells me everything I need to know. He realizes I’m talking about the situation I’m in right now.
“You and Mandy are solid,” he speaks before bringing the cigarette between his lips and inhaling. The bright orange ring glows brighter, before he pulls it from his lips and exhales. “You’ll figure it out.”
Maybe it’s the beer I’ve had, or maybe I’m just fucking tired. “If we’re so solid, why am I stuck spending the night here, every night? Why aren’t I at home with my wife and kid? Why did we lose what we were building?”
“If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand since patching in, it’s that things happen for a reason, Dalton.”
“Now you sound like Tyler, and what I don’t need is any of his ya ya speeches about how life will be better because of this experience.”
“Look, all I’m saying is a lot of shit has lead me here. It could have lead me right past here, but my bike broke down at a place where y’all would come into my life. I didn’t know where I was going, but for some reason I was put here, just like you were. So you’re not home right now, so some shit’s gone bad, it’ll change. If there’s one thing for sure about life, it’s that it won’t be the same way long.”
I listen to him, chewing on the inside of my jaw, wanting to tell him to fuck off, but I can’t, because he’s halfway right.
“What have you done to change the circumstances, Dalton?”
“I did what the fuck she asked me to do. I packed my shit and left. I love her enough to let her go.”
He makes a face at me. “C’mon man, is that what you really think she wants?”
“It’s what she wanted,” I argue.
Wild stands up and walks over to place his palm on my shoulder. “Open your eyes my man, because you doing what she wants is pushing you and her further apart. You want your life back? You gotta take it back, or it might not be there waiting for you when you figure it out.”
Chapter Three
Dalton
“What would you do if Charity told you to pack your shit and leave? If she gave you an indefinite amount of time she’d need to take care of her issues? What would you do?”
I’m playing with fire asking Drew this question and I know it. He can see right through me; best friends can spot bullshit from a mile away.
“If my wife asked me to leave her, I’d tell her fuck no.”
“Not leave her,” I correct him. “Leave the house.”
“Either way, it’s leaving her,” he stares me down, but I don’t shirk under the gaze. I’ve known him long enough to know I can handle whatever it is he has to say to me. “Look I ain’t said shit about what’s going on between you and Mandy. That’s y’all’s life and you’re the ones living it, but I see both of you. She’s depressed and struggling, you’re unhappy and all you want to do is be with your family. What the fuck is any of this accomplishing?”
Immediately I feel a rush of irritation, wanting to stand up for my wife, but these are the same questions I’ve been asking myself all along. “I don’t know,” I shrug. “Walker said things aren’t good at home.”
“Yeah, he’s said some stuff to Dad, and to me, but none of us know how to help her.”
And therein lies the issue we’re all facing. None of us know how to help Mandy. Short of tying her down and dragging her to Doc Jones’, I’m at the end of my rope too. Reaching into my jeans pocket, I pull out my hard pack of Marlboros, trying not to notice my shaking hands as I go about lighting one up. The calming effect the nicotine used to give
