She heard Viola’s giggle, and her heart felt lighter. Partly for Viola, since it seemed her friend may be testing that stage of acceptance already. The other part was probably because of her brother and his willingness to help with Mason. Axle hadn’t said he’d do it, but she knew her brother.
Soft voices filtered into the kitchen, so Shelby got up, put her glass in the sink, and headed to the living room to see who was here.
She didn’t make it past the doorway.
“Mason,” she breathed. His gaze left Viola’s to find hers.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “Hi, Shelby.”
“I…” What was he doing here?
“I was just telling Viola to stop trying to find excuses as to why she should pay me back.” He looked at Viola again. “It’s not happening.”
“Oh. You came to talk to her.” Shelby’s already pounding heart seized.
He cocked his head to the side. “No, I came to talk to you. This one here is just using the opportunity to convince me again.”
“It’s not right,” Viola said, fisting her hands.
“No, it’s not,” Mason agreed. “It’s not right what Dave put you through, and I have no intention of making you pay for his mistakes.” He licked his lips and looked at Shelby again. “Can we talk?”
Viola sighed. “I was just going to the grocery store.” She grabbed her purse and car keys and reached for the door.
Shelby couldn’t resist one more barb. “Stay away from the cat food.”
Viola laughed as she left.
“Do I want to know what that’s about?” Mason asked with a crooked smile.
“Just doing my part to keep her from turning into the stereotypical spinster cat lady.
“Ahh.” He nodded.
They stood there, looking at each other, the silence thickening.
Shelby cleared her throat. “Sorry. Would you like something to drink?” She motioned for the couch, feeling like a completely inept hostess, and an emotional hot mess.
“No, but thank you,” he said, sitting on the couch. She still stood in the doorway of the kitchen, knees locked, unsure of what to do. He patted on the spot beside him, making the decision for her. “Come here, Shelby.” The authority in his voice had her moving before he delivered the command to go to him.
Now seated beside him, she couldn’t stop herself from mentally cataloging all his features again, the flecks of gold in his brown eyes, the sexy wave of his hair at his forehead, the intoxicating cologne he sometimes wore. She should ask him the brand, so she could buy a case of the stuff. It would help her remember him when he was gone.
He took her sweaty hand into his, his thumb caressing her skin. “How are you healing?”
She swallowed and wondered how to best answer that.
The truth. She doubted she’d see him very often, if at all, but she’d decided he’d always get the truth from her now.
“According to the doctors, I’m healing at the normal rate. I can take deep breaths without sharp pains now, but I still ache. They won’t release me back to work until I’ve completely healed.” She shrugged and looked away, emotions coming to the surface, feelings she’d kept from everybody since the shooting. “If I decide to go back,” she whispered. She hadn’t even told Viola her thoughts about quitting.
Mason touched her chin and guided her gaze back to his. “What do you mean?” he asked softly.
“I—” She blew out a calming breath to get a stranglehold on her emotions. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of him. “I’m not sure I want to be an agent anymore.” It had been on the tip of her tongue to tell Viola that earlier when she’d asked about Mayflower.
“Why?”
Even though she was facing him, she couldn’t look into his eyes. She focused on the ceiling instead. “I don’t know about anything anymore. I trusted Darrell with my life and he—” She blinked several times, forcing the tears back. When she felt somewhat in control, she looked at Mason again. “I feel lost. I don’t know any other way to explain it.”
It wasn’t just what Darrell had done to her. It was how the bureau used her—putting her into an impossible situation on one hand, and lying to her on the other. She also felt lost when it came to Mason, though she didn’t want to go into those details.
“That’s understandable. I think that’s a normal reaction when someone you care about breaks your trust.”
Her eyes shut, blocking out his pain, but a single tear escaped anyway. He swiped it away.
“I’m so sorry,” she breathed. “I didn’t…I mean…”
“Look at me.” When she did, he put his hand back on her cheek and caressed her face. “I’m sorry, too. I confronted you out of anger, used the trust you had in me to exact punishment. That was uncalled for.”
“Please don’t take any blame for that. You were angry.”
“I was fucking furious.” He narrowed his eyes.
“As you should be,” she whispered. He had every right to feel the way he did. She did not begrudge him that.
“I was, but I’m not now.” She gaped at him. How could that be? Maybe he was at his own stage of acceptance like Viola was discovering. Shelby wasn’t there yet. Her life was a mess, and she didn’t have anyone to blame but herself…and depending on who she asked, she had no blame to harbor. She had a job to do, like her brother had just told her and like Rick had said several times, reminding her of the professional she was. “I’ve been thinking about a lot of things the last month, and what I keep coming back to is the fact I don’t want to be angry anymore. I’ve taken the time I needed to accept what has happened.”
She stared at him, dumbfounded.
“There are still some things I need to work out, but I’d like your help answering the questions that have been plaguing me.”
“You can
