She gives me a look that will probably make her future children stop whatever they’re doing and start listening up.
“What do you want to talk about?” I ask, giving in.
“Do you know how much Sage cares for you? He’s such a good guy. He really is.”
“Do you know we fought? Sage and I? Damon and I? And now there’s this lockdown, and yeah, I could call them, but it’s all just a… Fire and brimstone, it’s a mess. I don’t think a phone call will do any good, and it could do harm.”
“I’m sure he would like to hear from you,” she says softly.
“Why would you think that? I hurt him. We both said things that we regret, or at least I regret some of what I said.”
“So apologize to him. Talk to him. You truly liked him for so long and—”
“That doesn’t mean we’re meant to be together.”
“Why not?” she asks.
“That’s not how it always goes,” I say sadly.
“So, you want to be with Damon instead?” she asks. “Why? Sage is hotter—”
“They’re both hot,” I counter.
“Sage has those amazing green eyes.”
“Yes, but—”
"And he's strong, and you said you enjoyed your first time with him. The credit for that lies with him. It's not always enjoyable the first time."
“Orchid, please, can we change the subject?”
“But Sage is the fairy for you. Why do you keep fighting that?”
I bite my tongue, hesitating. When I do talk, it’s to change the topic. “I really need to decide what I want to do with my life after I graduate.”
“Well, you clearly love to solve crimes,” Orchid starts.
“I don’t love it. It just kind of happens.”
“You love it.”
I scowl, waiting for her to say something about my courting danger, but she doesn’t.
"Why don't you become an investigator?" Orchid asks. "I think you would be really good at that."
“Don’t forget that I didn’t solve either of those cases I was involved with. Spring outed herself, and Thistle did the same. I never would’ve suspected him.”
“The end result is all that matters,” Orchid says.
“No. How you reach those end results matter. We can’t just do anything and everything that may or may not help us to solve a crime. There needs to be logic and plans and hypotheses.”
Orchid laughs. “Is that even a word? Hypotheses?”
“Yes, it’s real,” I grumble.
She just laughs even harder.
“What about the fae and humans investigating together?” I ask, blurting out the words and probably talking quicker than she can hear and understand my words.
Her eyes grow wide. “Rosemary, that’s not what I meant,” she protests.
“Why not? Humans are at such a disadvantage, and they face violence too.”
“Yes, human-on-human violence. They can take care of their own.”
“But—”
“Why do you care about the humans so much?”
I flinch. “Why don’t you?”
“I just think we need to worry about our kind.”
“Our kind,” I repeat slowly. “I’ve been fighting with just about everyone lately, so please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not trying to start an argument with you. I’m really not.”
“But…” she prompts.
“Is that why you think I should be with Sage and not Damon? Because Damon’s part demon?”
Orchid bites her lower lip and turns thoughtful. “I guess? Maybe? But it’s because of worrying that Damon will lead you toward darkness.”
“But what if I can guide him to the light?”
“You want to fix him,” she says. “You want to change him, and that’s not how a relationship should be.”
“No, that’s just it. Maybe I do want to guide him toward the light, but I wouldn’t say that I specifically want to change him. I like Damon for who he is.”
“But Sage is smart, good, kind, hot—”
“The same can be said about Damon,” I point out.
“Damon is kind?” she asks doubtfully.
“He is. He was very sweet when I let him know I needed space after everything with Thistle. And some of the calls we had over break were sweet too.”
“And Sage? How was he?”
“He flirted harder than Damon did.” I rub the back of my neck. “I got in a fight with both of them.”
“And Bay too,” she says softly.
I flinch and lower my head. “She told you?”
“She came here and broke a few things in her room. I asked her if she was all right, if something happened with her boyfriend, and we had the longest conversation that we’ve ever had. She’s really hurting, Rosemary.”
“I…”
"You're me," she murmurs. "Can't you see that? You're me, and Zoth is Damon. You know that Zoth isn't good for Bay, but you won't see that Damon isn't good for you either."
“Have you ever talked to Damon? Have you seen anything that I should know about?”
She says nothing.
“You haven’t, have you? You’re just going off on him because of his background. He can’t help who his parents are.”
Orchid sighs. “Sage is so fiercely protective of you.
“Maybe too protective,” I grumble.
“Is that even possible?”
“Yes, it’s a thing.” I heave a sigh. “I don’t even know why either of them like me, and honestly, just talking about them, wondering about who I should be with… It feels wrong right now, given everything with Professor Luna.”
Orchid wraps her arm around me. "You don't have to feel ashamed for taking the time to work out your own issues. That's the point of Illumination. She would want you to be able to open your mind."
“It’s my heart that needs to be open,” I mumble.
“Maybe it’s too open, and that’s why you can’t pick.”
“But still, why do they want to be with me? I’ve done nothing but hurt them.”
Orchid shrugs. “Maybe you should call them, talk to them. Make amends. All friendships can go through ups and downs. Ours did at first.”
I grimace. “Again, because of me. I’m… I am a selfish person, aren’t I?”
“You tend to be very focused on things to the point of neglecting others, yes, but that’s some of what makes you a good friend too. You tend to be fiercely loyal.”
“Yeah, loyal to me.”
“Not just you.” She nudges her shoulder into mine. “Stop being so hard on yourself.”
“I
