Phil made to lift my chin to look into my eyes, but I stepped back. His was the gaze I didn’t wish to hold. There were too many memories in there, and the past was somewhere I couldn’t afford to go anymore. It had taken me too long to recuperate from the uphill journey, and now there was no way I was ever looking back upon all the hardship and pain.
‘Seriously, Nina. You will always be the lovely girl I married thirteen years ago.’
‘Seriously, Phil. You will always be the bloke who left me three years ago,’ I said and closed the door on his face.
‘What was that all about?’ came Luke’s voice from behind me.
I whirled around. ‘Oh, nothing. Just Phil acting up again.’
‘He still loves you. Jesus, Nina, what was the point of even writing this book if you can’t put the past behind you?’ he asked, coming to stand in front of me.
‘Oh, I have, trust me.’
‘You mean you’re not still in love with him?’
What the hell was he talking about? ‘Of course I’m not.’
‘You wouldn’t be the first. Women are so fickle.’
‘Maybe your women are. I’m sure as hell not.’
He snorted. ‘Your book was full of all sorts of stories about how your husband was a waste of space, and how you dreamed of ditching him. But not once did you ever mention still having feelings for him.’
‘Because I don’t. My book is fiction. A story.’
‘There’s always a piece of truth in fiction.’
‘Like in all your spy movies and thrillers? Look,’ I reasoned. ‘Why would I lie about this?’
‘Then what’s stopping you from moving on? I feel like you’re trying to not let go and ride the wave with me. Where are you?’
‘I’m here, Luke.’
‘Are you?’
‘Yes. But I do have some reservations about us, now that you mention it.’
‘I knew it. Like what?’
‘Come on, Luke. Seriously? You’re from bloody Hollywood and I’m from… Realville. How could it ever work?’
He huffed. ‘When are you gonna understand that I want this? I want a normal life… with you.’
‘Ah, you may want that now. But what happens when you wake up one day and look around yourself and see nothing but… un-Hollywood stuff?’
‘Nina, will you cut it out with the Hollywood stuff? It’s not who I am, it’s what I do. And if you want to know the truth, I’m getting tired of it.’
I stopped. So my suspicions had been right. ‘Tired? What do you mean?’
‘I mean I want this to be my last movie. At least for now. I need a break, I want to raise my daughter and be free to love. I want you to be able to love me without having a lens shoved in your face every time we step out for dinner or go for a walk.’
Whoa, whoa, whoa – his last movie? Hadn’t he said he wanted to do all three books if the first one went well? Not to be greedy, but this was a total U-turn I was not expecting.
He took my arms. ‘Why the face? You think my feelings for you won’t last? What are you so worried about? That I’ll be dying to run back to Tinseltown?’
I shrugged. ‘I don’t know, Luke. I just don’t want all of us to get used to having you around and then… you know.’
‘Listen to me, Nina. I have a daughter too. You think that if I had one tiny doubt I’d tell her about us and let her become attached to you only to never see you again? I haven’t brought a girl home in years. What does that tell you?’
‘I… I don’t know.’
‘I think we know what the real issue is here, Nina. It’s not bloody stardom, is it? It’s Phil.’
I felt my jaw drop. ‘Again with Phil?’
He crossed his arms in front of his chest. ‘Yes, Phil, and the fact that you never got over him.’
‘Oh, come on, Luke, I thought you understood…’
‘I know what it’s like – you think you’re over someone. You start dating someone else who seems to be perfect for you. You’re actually doing fine. But then, all it takes is one tiny memory and whoosh, it all comes back to you. With a vengeance.’
I stared at him. ‘Is that what you think is happening?’
He nodded and looked at me with something between pain and anger. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I think it is, actually…’
‘You’re wrong. So wrong.’
‘Am I?’
‘Luke, please don’t be like this…’
‘I’m not being like anything, Nina. Can’t you see? The guy’s pulling out all the stops to win you back.’
I took his hands. ‘Luke, listen to me. Even if you weren’t in my life, I still wouldn’t get back with Phil. Not even if he was the last man on earth. And furthermore—’ I stopped in mid-sentence as I recognised the dialogue I had written more than three years ago and it dawned on me that we were having that very same conversation. He had steered me straight into Stella’s words and I’d walked right into it.
‘You sneaky bastard. I can’t believe you’d do this to me!’
‘Ah, I was waiting for you to recognise your own words…’ he half-accused.
‘Luke, my life is serious, and so is my work. But one has nothing to do with the other.’
He shrugged. ‘I just wanted to see how far I could take you, that’s all. It will make for great dialogue.’
‘Luke – seriously? You are actually playing with my feelings? Yes, of course I made a huge mistake in marrying Phil. But you can’t turn my life into a Hollywood drama.’
‘Why not? You turned it into a romcom.’
‘Well, at least I was optimistic for a happy ending.’
‘Did you get one?’ he wanted to know.
I huffed. ‘I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.’ I’d had enough wittiness out of
