And yet, as I lay in bed under my eaves, I couldn’t help but wonder how much of that conversation came from Luke the man, and how much came from Luke the entertainer. Was there at least a tiny bit of jealousy in there?
*
The next day I pulled on my jacket and sneakers and trudged up the hill to Jack’s, a bit of trepidation rising up inside me. How do you break the ice after weeks of not seeing each other after being practically joined at the hip for years?
His SUV was not in the garage, but I had a look around anyway, just in case. When he wasn’t in the barn, I swung back to the farmhouse and peered through the windows. Nothing. I remembered the days when the three of us always knew where the other two were. He had always been there, whether to give Lottie – or me – a boost, or for me to spoil him and Emma with a nice meal.
But since Luke’s arrival, I only saw them rarely, and I began to understand how Ben and Chloe must have felt torn, going back and forth between their parents. The idea of being estranged from Jack was scary. I never wanted to be without his friendship.
It suddenly struck me that I had been horrid to him by not inviting him because of Luke. Jack, who had saved my life more than a thousand times in a gazillion ways, was slowly drifting away. I had to stop it before it was irreversible and we were only nodding at each other frostily in the village, if that at all.
I pulled out my mobile from my back pocket and dialled his number, waiting, anticipating what I’d say.
Hi, Jack, how’s it hanging?
All right?
Want to come around mine for dinner? I’ve missed you. We all miss you.
But when he didn’t pick up and my call went to voicemail, I couldn’t leave a message. My throat hurt too much to speak. Maybe he’d only think I needed something. It would have served me right if he’d picked up and given me a piece of his mind. He’d have been right. I did need something. I needed to hear a friendly voice. His voice.
So I called again, and this time he finally answered.
‘Jack!’ I cried, almost weeping with relief.
‘Nina, what’s wrong?’ His voice was alarmed, and still charged with all the affection between us.
‘Oh,’ I croaked, drying my eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? Couldn’t I cope with change? ‘I’m so glad you’re there. I came looking for you a few days ago, and then yesterday and today, but you were nowhere to be found.’
‘Me? Oh, I went to, uhm, Truro…’
‘Oh? Did you call on Emma?’
‘No, I had no time,’ he said with a cough. He always coughed when he was uncomfortable, and even over the phone I could tell something was off.
‘Jack? Are you all right?’
Why was he lying about something so normal? Unless… of course. My birthday was coming up soon and they were probably organising something for me, the two sneaks.
‘I’m fine, thank you, Nina. How are the Ben and Chloe?’
I baulked at his formal tone. And then I understood I should have of course invited him over for dinner to give him the good news of my budding romance, and probably get him and Luke to make an effort and forget their pissing contest. But Luke and I weren’t yet ready to tell the whole world. Luke had warned me that the minute the press found out, they’d be on our house like bees on honey, and I didn’t want that for my children.
‘I’m fine, we’re fine. Chloe and Chanel are still a bit iffy over Jessica’s presence here. Chanel feels threatened. But she should know that they will always be best friends, no matter what.’
Callie, who had been studying me with her intelligent eyes, abandoned her nook behind the AGA and settled herself on my feet, whining. She, too, knew the state I was in.
Silence at the other end, and then: ‘Sometimes things change, Nina.’
‘Only apparently,’ I said in earnest. ‘And only temporarily. Then things go back to normal, once the storm has passed.’
‘Has the storm passed yet?’ he wanted to know.
‘It doesn’t have to go away completely, does it? We can still continue in the rain, through thick and thin. Isn’t that what good friends do, Jack? Thick and thin? Jack, are you there?’
‘Yep,’ he said, sounding distracted.
‘When will you be home? Can I come over then? I’ve made you your favourite, peach cobbler.’
‘So your actor is still there, then.’ It was a logical deduction, not a question.
‘Luke? Of course. We’re still writing the script.’
‘Then you finish writing your script, Nina.’
Ouch. ‘Okay, I understand. But can’t I just bring you the cobbler? If you’re busy I’ll just leave it and—’
‘I’m not home,’ he said with finality.
‘Oh.’
I would have, a thousand years ago, let myself in and surprised him with a dinner as I used to, back in the day. But he was right: so many things had changed in the space of a summer.
‘Okay, Jack,’ I croaked. ‘Goodbye.’
At that, he groaned, albeit under his breath. When had he ever, ever groaned at me? Not even when I called on him several times a day for trivial things. He had always been happy to see me, but now I realised I had offended him by cutting him out from my happiness. As if I had been too high and mighty to spend some time with old friends. It served me right. I had absolutely no excuse for neglecting my friendships, especially the people who had always cared for me.
What could I say? It was as if I’d been momentarily swallowed up by a parallel world where only good things happened to me, and where I managed to obtain everything I’d always aspired to in order to better my kids’ lives. And was it now too late?
‘Jack?’
‘Goodbye, Nina.’
‘Goodbye, Jack…’
Swiping at tears
