I took a deep, deep breath. ‘I understand why you did it, girls. Truly I do. But you can’t just do something so monumental behind our backs.’
They nodded, crying twin tears.
‘It’s just that Jess has been saying how lucky Ben and I were to have a mother. Jess never told her dad, but she was dying to meet her mum. And it turned out she was holidaying in Paris. Wouldn’t you have asked to see her?’
Would I? Absolutely. But. ‘You understand that you’ve both put him in a very difficult position. He’s been protecting you for years.’
Jess dried her eyes. ‘But, Nina – she seemed really nice. And sorry for what she did. She was only nineteen.’
So was I, when I had Chloe, but I didn’t run at the first difficulty.
‘And then? Go on,’ I said.
‘Well, we didn’t even know if it was the same Lauren O’Hara – we thought she might have changed her surname, but she never did.’
‘And we never really expected her to answer anyway.’
‘But then she did.’
‘And then she kept messaging. She wanted to come and meet me and talk to Dad.’
I ran a hand through my hair. My head was killing me.
‘Will you talk to Dad, Nina?’ Jess pleaded. ‘Will you make sure he doesn’t stay angry with us – or my mother? Please?’
I sighed. This was not good. They had opened a can of worms that would not go away all that easily. I wondered what was happening downstairs. From what I knew about Luke, he was never going to let Lauren anywhere near Jess.
I nodded. ‘I’ll see what I can do. I suggest you two stay out of the way for the rest of the day.’
Chloe nodded, tears filling her eyes as Jess wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek. ‘Thank you, Nina,’ she whispered into my ear.
I held her, trying to still the tremors in her little body. But I knew that there was nothing that Luke wouldn’t forgive his daughter. ‘It’ll be okay, Jess. Just give your dad some time, okay?’
Still clinging to me, she nodded fiercely.
I eyed Chloe, who was perched on the edge of the bed, and held out my other arm for her. She gingerly neared me, her eyes studying my face, her own a mask of shame.
‘You don’t hate me, Mum?’ she asked.
‘Chloe, sweetheart – I made you. How could I ever hate you?’ I said as I kissed the side of her face.
‘Then it’s true that my own mum still loves me even if I disappointed her by being blind?’ Jess asked.
I squeezed Jess. ‘Honey – your mother didn’t leave because she was disappointed. She left because she was too young and confused. She just need to do some growing up, is all.’
Chloe wiped her eyes. ‘Well, it took her long enough.’
‘Better late than never, girls. Isn’t that what I always say, Chloe?’
‘Actually, Mum, you always say, “If anything’s worth doing, it has to be done properly.”’
‘Hm – happy you listen from time to time.’
Chloe rolled her eyes, much happier now that she had proof that she was loved unconditionally.
‘So now what happens?’ Jess asked.
‘You wait until your dad’s ready to make a decision. I suggest a couple of long movies,’ I said, giving them a light pat and getting to my feet to make my own self scarce. Luke would want to speak to Lauren alone, if I knew him at all. ‘I’ll call you when it’s time.’
*
When the front door closed much later, followed by the sharp pinging of the pebbles of gravel hitting the front door, I poked my head into the living room where Luke was standing facing the fireplace.
‘Hey…’ I whispered, and he whirled around.
‘Do you want to be alone?’ I said, stuffing my hands into my jean pockets.
He sighed. ‘Of course not – come here, you…’
He wrapped me up in his embrace, but I could tell that his muscles were still very tense.
‘Do you want to talk…?’ I said.
‘In a minute,’ he said. ‘Just let me hold you for a while.’
‘Okay.’ I drew him closer and kissed his shoulder. ‘People make mistakes—’ I began, but he shook his head.
‘Mistakes that can’t be forgiven, Nina. I will never forgive her for what she did to my baby – not a day didn’t go by that Jessica didn’t wonder why her mother didn’t love her enough to stay.’
‘So don’t you think that maybe now she might honestly have wanted to meet her? To make amends?’
‘I just don’t get it,’ he said, following his own train of thought. ‘Jessica has never said she wanted to meet her mother. Never.’
‘Maybe she never said anything because she didn’t want to upset you. You know she lives for you, Luke.’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘But it doesn’t make it any easier.’
‘So what are you going to do?’ I asked.
‘If Lauren had shown up without Jess knowing, I’d have told her to get lost. But Jess wants to get to know her and I—’ He growled raking a hand through his hair, his eyes meeting mine. ‘I can’t bring myself to accept it, Nina.’
‘But you have to. Because when Jess grows up and is free to contact her for herself, she’ll be all the more angry with you for all the time she could have spent with her.’
He raised his head angrily. ‘It wasn’t my choice to separate my daughter from her mother, Nina.’
‘But it is now. How do you think Jess will feel when you, her entire world, deny her the one thing she really wants?’
‘And what’s that? A flake of a mother?’
I shook my head. ‘No, Luke. The knowledge of a mother. However imperfect, it’s always better than not knowing anything at all.’
He ran his hands over his face and grabbed his jacket from the coat stand.
‘Where – uhm…?’
‘Out for a walk,’ he answered. ‘I need to think.’
*
‘What’s this I hear about Luke’s wife? Is it true she’s in Cornwall?’ Emma asked me over the phone the next day. It was
