All I wanted was his mouth on mine forever, and his arms around me. What was happening to us?
I hung on to him as the room spun like mad.
‘Nina,’ he whispered against my lips between our kisses. ‘Stay with me. I love you…’
I love you, too, Jack! I wanted to cry. I also wanted him to take me upstairs. But I fought against my instincts and wrestled myself back to sanity. Stay with him? He loved me? How could he even say such nonsense, and how could I even contemplate the idea when he was secretly involved with Emma? I couldn’t do that to her. It would break her heart all over again! What was the matter with me? And Jack? I knew he’d been a bit of a playboy in the past, but how could he think he could play with me and Emma like that? Where was the respect for her – and me? This was not the Jack I knew.
I sat up and pushed him away softly, and he instantly let go as if I’d slapped him. ‘Please don’t do that again, Jack, if you value our friendship.’
He sat back, lowering his eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered solemnly, like a little boy being reprimanded by his headmaster.
I would never want to ruin a friendship because of a kiss, so I cleared my throat and whispered back, ‘Then let’s just forget it ever happened, okay?’
He ran a hand through his dark curls that had grown back, nodding as he stood up – ‘Okay…’ he finally croaked, holding out his other hand to help me to my feet, which was fortunate as I was still shaking. The contact with his body sent my hormones – if not my dignity – in sudden overdrive, and I had to step back.
This was ridiculous. This was Jack in front of me, my best male friend, who had saved my life and whom I’d shared meals with more times than I could ever count. He was like a brother to me, having seen me in every guise, from my pyjamas to my work clothes, to my tear-smudged make-up on a bad day, and even in hair rollers once, and I had never thought about it twice. So now, how could this happen so suddenly, that I wanted him to continue? How could I ever justify it to myself, let alone Emma?
I needed to put some distance between us, because it had been all too sudden, as if I’d just noticed his physical and inner beauty entwined for the first time ever. Because of the man that he was on the inside. I would be attracted to him even if he wasn’t so beautiful. And now that I had made this new discovery, how to ignore it, for the sake of our friendship with Emma? She had finally found a dependable man who would be there for her every day of the week. I couldn’t interfere with that. Nor did I want to be his bit on the side. And he had even said he loved me. Could a man love two women? And, more to the point, could a woman love two men? Whichever way I looked at it, there was heart-break ahead.
‘I think I’d better go, now,’ I whispered.
He nodded.
I cleared my throat again. ‘Keep, uhm, an eye on the smaller pies and bring them out as soon as they turn golden.’
If I hadn’t stopped him… if I hadn’t stopped myself… just what would have happened between us? Had we both suddenly gone mad? What about Luke? Although I had lost any hope in that dog’s dinner of a relationship, had I actually given up on him?
37
Dazed And Confused
As I tried to go about my busy day the next morning, I was still in a zombie-like state after a night of tossing and turning, reliving that deliciously decadent kiss over and over again.
This was supposed to be the beginning of the rest of my independent life, and yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about his hot mouth on mine, and the way we instantly responded to each other. I had only seen that kind of stuff in the movies and certainly had never ever thought I would experience such an intense, real moment like that myself. How messed up was he, as well? I bet he was regretting that moment of madness now, too. But he didn’t have to worry – his secret was safe with me. Besides, who would ever believe me? I didn’t even believe it.
For a brief moment, we had been in a bubble of our own, where responsibility towards others and morality didn’t exist. It had just been Jack and myself, where he represented the centre and the borders of my consciousness, where nothing mattered but the scent of his skin and the banked strength vibrating in his body, the sparkle in his eyes and the warmth of his proximity.
Like most women, I had never been indifferent to Jack’s good looks and charm, but never had I thought it even remotely possible that he could be interested in me. Deep down, beyond the running Three’s Company joke, I always knew it would have eventually been Emma, and that it was only a question of time until they sorted themselves out. And nowhere did I see myself in that equation. Even now that his lips were still burning on mine, it made no sense. He and Emma were an item. The kiss, however naughty and arousing, had been just that – an instinct, felt by a lonely woman kneeling on a flagstone kitchen floor inches away from a sexy man. End of.
So I shook the thought out of my head and concentrated on reality as I parked my food truck on the Belvedere overlooking the sea.
I sighed deeply,
