My outfit echoed how I felt.
Blue. Pale blue. Neither bright nor vibrant. And bland with a gaping hole in the middle of my heart.
“I’m fine, baby. Just a lot on my mind. Don’t you worry.”
“Love you,” she said, her blue eyes blazing back at me, taking me in, deciding whether to believe me or not.
I brushed her dark blond hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. “Right back at ya, doll. Swear, I’m just tired.”
She seemed to buy it, because then she hollered from the kitchen down the hallway, “Let’s go, Tyler. I can’t be late.”
Poor Tyler, he was slower than a turtle in the morning. It took him longer to pee and brush his teeth than it took Piper to go through her whole teenage-girl beauty routine.
“Coming,” he called, clunking into the kitchen.
I walked the two of them to the bus, the sound of my flip-flops slapping against the concrete mixing with their sibling banter, distracting me from my yo-yoing thoughts.
After waving good-bye, I ran to pee again—it was a bad habit of mine when I was nervous, especially after having kids. Laughing at myself as I pulled up my jeans, I wondered what Aston would think of this. Surely, he’d be turned off.
I wouldn’t be so hot after all . . . ha.
I dreamed up a thousand excuses why I couldn’t meet him while washing my hands and grabbing my tote. Then I got in my car.
Wanting to arrive after him, I drove around the block at least ten times, killing time and making excuses not to go at all. Finally, I parked and went into the Beanery.
“Hey,” Aston said huskily, waiting inside the door wearing a navy suit and a light blue shirt.
He looked dapper, except when I took another look at his face. Up close, he appeared about as tired as I felt, maybe even more. For a moment, my heart shattered for him.
“Hi,” I said quietly.
He took my elbow and guided me to the counter. After I ordered a triple Americano and he got a black coffee, he asked, “Something to eat?”
I shook my head. It was awkward and stilted between us. How could I eat?
“Did you take your kids back home?” I asked while we waited for my beverage.
“You mean, to my ex’s place? That’s what became of my home.”
“I guess. I’m sorry that happened. I always think about my situation and the kids being with me mostly full time. I don’t think they feel their dad’s place is home, but I suspect your situation is different.”
“It doesn’t matter right now. They’re staying at my dad’s place with the nanny. Denise will drop them with Cass after school, if she’s sober enough to keep them. Another big secret in a long line of family secrets.”
“That’s a lot of shuffling back and forth for them.”
Aston nodded, looking defeated. When my drink was slid across the bar, he picked it up and carried it to a corner table with his.
“It’s not ideal, but Denise is about the only constant they have. She’s been watching them occasionally since they were born, when I traveled or worked late. Cass has made her way through a parade of daytime nannies, who all ended up hating her. When the police showed up at my door, Denise was right behind them to take the kids for me.”
“That’s odd.” I took a sip of my drink, the liquid burning my throat, a welcome discomfort compared to the pain in my heart.
“Maybe they alerted my dad to what was about to happen. I don’t know. It was such a blur. But thank God for Denise. The kids were set to spend the weekend in Carson City with me, which meant Cass was off the grid. Literally and figuratively.”
Silence filled the air around us, along with the whoosh of the espresso machine frothing milk and the scent of freshly ground beans.
“They’re fine for now. It’s not them I’m worried about. They’re both strong little creatures, and resilient. What I need is to talk with you, explain a few things, although my explanations will never be enough.”
“What do you want to say?”
“I assume Mike told you I had someone looking after you?” Aston cut to the chase, his hands settling on the table in front of him. He didn’t flinch or fidget, just asked with no remorse.
“You betcha. I wouldn’t exactly call it looking after. Maybe spying? Stalking?”
My body was burning hot, my heart beating through my bra and delicate tank, despite the chilly conversation. Sitting across from Aston brought my body to life, no matter what we discussed, but this was unacceptable. My cheeks blazing, I slid my cardigan off my shoulders and hung it on the back of my chair.
“You didn’t seem yourself at the wedding, and Mike told me how you slept in his hotel room, on the bathroom floor, sick as a dog. After that, he swore he’d never tell me anything else about you, so my hands were tied. I didn’t have a choice.”
“Um, you did have a choice. You chose to give me up, remember?” I said, not afraid of the man in front of me, despite his larger-than-life frame and squinting eyes. “It still seems a bit off to me. After all, you ended it. You never called me after Mike’s engagement party. It was all you, and pardon me for saying it for the millionth time, but you’re being accused of something criminal. So, why now? Don’t you have more important things to worry about?”
“Because I don’t really care what’s going on. I’ve wanted you back since that night, at Mike and Milly’s party. Look, I’m going to do right now by you and . . . for everything.”
“I’m sorry.” I closed my eyes as the apology floated in the air between us, and he took my hand.
“For what?”
“For not waiting,” I murmured, waving the white flag, admitting defeat way before I was
