Years of rage spewed from me. Unable to stop the verbal diarrhea, I said, “Thank God your mom passed. At least she’s not here to witness this. You getting arrested, the company crumbling . . . all she ever wanted for you. Not a life, a family, a good marriage.”
“Nothing’s crumbling. I’m innocent, Bexley. I don’t lie; I’ve never lied to you. At least I have that to hold on to. These charges won’t stick . . . you’ll see. I was wrong, okay? I didn’t realize it until my mom died. She died happy to be a grandma and see me all grown up, but I wasn’t happy. She didn’t know that, though. Or maybe she did—I don’t know. Point is, I have to tell myself the job could have been with anyone, any damn job, anything would have made her happy because I was her son. Otherwise, I can’t breathe. What kind of woman sets her kid up for failure and heartache? By the time she was sick, she didn’t care about the company anymore. She was consumed with her own destiny and my dad not by her side while she was dying. But by then, I’d already fucked up my life for it. Fuck,” he yelled into the phone.
The sound echoed in the background, and I assumed he was in a garage talking with me, away from his kids. The ones he’d always known about.
My mom had warned me I was playing a dangerous game when I met Aston and brought him home way back then. Unfortunately, she’d passed away in a bad car wreck while I was pregnant with Piper. I missed her terribly, but honestly, I was relieved she never had the chance to see me for the liar I was. She would have known what I did, how I’d lied, and called me out on it.
“Fuck, Bex, I’m sorry. I don’t want to talk about this over the phone. I want to hold you and cherish you and tell you I messed up. I ruined so many years of our lives, and I need to get that time back. At the very least, your heart. I need you.”
Aston shook me out of my memories with his soothing words. No matter what he said, it was a salve for all that ailed me.
“We can’t get the years back. That’s not how it works, Aston. We can only move forward. I get that you want to know Piper, and I’m sorry I kept her from you. I need to talk with Seth, and then we can move ahead with it. I owe him that much. So do you.”
“I don’t owe him shit. He should’ve manned up and told you to tell me. That’s my daughter.”
I wasn’t going to argue with Aston. I knew better than to think I could win.
Bexley
“Everything okay?” Seth said after he picked up on the second ring. “I’m real busy.”
I’d called him at work. Admittedly, it was a chicken move, but first, I knew he’d pick up, and second, he couldn’t yell at me.
Seth was a senior account executive in an advertising agency where they worked in one of those open floor plans. With no doors or walls, creative juices supposedly flowed free amongst the air particles. Seth had worked his way up through the ranks, reminding me every few days of our married life that nothing had been handed to him.
“Everything’s fine. Kids said they had a good weekend. Thanks.” I didn’t owe him my gratitude, but as always felt compelled to give it.
“Well, they’re my kids.”
He had a comeback for everything these days. Although he was once a nice guy, Seth’s contempt for me poured out of him lately. Not wanting to make it worse, I didn’t bring up how often he’d tried to get out of having the kids with him. I assumed they cramped his dating life.
“Well, you know what I mean,” he said, this time a tad more quietly.
He wouldn’t yell at the office, but that didn’t stop him from lobbing jabs at me. Over the years, he’d had plenty of opportunities to call me out, to force my hand when it came to Piper, but he’d cared for her from the moment she was born. He often rocked her to sleep when she was little, and on the first day of preschool, he’d held her hand.
Even if he’d done those things because it was what he’d thought he should do or had to do, he didn’t have the right to be resentful about it now. I’d given him some of my best years . . . and a son. Plus, he’d been able to save face among his coworkers at his beloved advertising agency by me not exposing the truth.
“Funny you mention the kids . . . being yours. I was hoping to meet you for a coffee. Maybe sometime tomorrow? I have to discuss something about Piper with you.” I was trying to be vague. Seth could pull a tooth from me if I wasn’t careful. He had this way about him, his I’m such a nice guy, poor me, I need to know right now routine.
It had been three days since Aston threatened me with blowing the cover off my full-of-shit life. I’d dragged my feet for two days and spent most of today spoon-feeding myself courage. I’d held Aston off, but he was coming over tomorrow, “with pizza and all the kids,” he’d told me.
Seth sighed. “I’m in the middle of putting together a big presentation. Can it wait? I lost a lot of time last weekend with taking the kids around,
