My gaze fell to Will briefly, and I suddenly realized with jarring pain why it felt different.
If they wanted my soul in this song…
I would have to bare it.
All the scars.
All the pain.
All of the shame.
I would have to bare it in front of the guy who used to be closer than a brother, a friend I’d betrayed and then used every justification in the book to tell myself it was okay because I was hurting — because Angelica was hurting — because life hadn’t made sense without both of them in it. When I started to lose parts of him, I’d clung to parts of her, and then when that hadn’t been enough, I’d clung to the high that drugs gave me, the freedom from just a little bit of the pain; but mostly, the freedom from fear that one day both of them would leave me. The sad part was I hadn’t really known myself outside of the three of us.
Just like I had a hard time knowing myself now.
I was terrified that Bronte would see I was still badly broken and in need of about a billion years of therapy.
But it didn’t stop me from wanting her.
Pursuing her.
And praying to God, I didn’t somehow break her too.
I squeezed my eyes shut as the notes to the second verse led me in.
“Like jagged edges and empty pieces, I just want to lay here
And list all the reasons I can’t keep your heart, make you safe
Our love isn’t a risk I think two broken people can take.
The cut it hurts. I watch me bleed,
Watch you try to stop it when you can’t take it
I can’t feel it. God, I can’t feel it.
So I numb it, I need it, numb it,
And feed it, again and again…”
My voice cracked as visions of all my mistakes seemed to play on repeat. Zane hadn’t stopped the track, so I continued to the chorus.
“One last hit, one last kiss,
One last jump, one last miss,
I just want to stay in your arms,
But they’re full of someone else,
And I’m the one who pushed; I’m the one who left,
The one who’s cursed while, baby, you’re blessed.
And when you lay in his arms at night
When he’s holding you tight,
Shed a tear for me.
The way I ache for you — the burn is finally back,
The numbness gone, but it’s too late,
You’re gone, so far gone, in his arms you’ve flown,
Leaving cold emptiness to my bones.
One last hit, one last kiss,
One last jump, one last miss,
Stay in his arms, with someone else,
Because I pushed, and I’m suffering in Hell.”
I ended the chorus and opened my eyes.
Bronte was wiping her cheeks with the back of her hands, and Will was giving me such a hurt expression I wasn’t sure if I’d done more damage or fixed what was already there.
Zane came in over the com. “You changed some of the lyrics.”
I didn’t even realize I had. “Oh, want me to go back and re-record—”
“No!” All the guys yelled at once.
Will bent over the board and clicked the com. “Outside. Now.”
“Shit,” Ty mouthed, while Trevor looked ready to go into full dad-mode, where one kid gets put in a corner and the other outside.
I tossed the headphones onto the chair next to me and slowly exited the building.
The breeze from the ocean smelled salty and fresh, sending a chill down my spine as I waited for Will.
The door to the studio opened then shut behind me.
Streetlights illuminated the boardwalk as we both stared straight ahead, and wave after wave crashed against the white sand.
“I always forget how beautiful it is here,” he rasped.
“I don’t,” I said honestly. “Even though I hate the rain, there’s still something refreshing about this place.”
“I owe you an apology.” His voice cracked. “Several actually.”
“No, you really don’t.”
“You’re right.”
Well, that went well.
“Maybe all I need to do is this.”
Before I could say anything, Will reached out and pulled me against him in a tight hug, and the breath I’d been holding for what seemed like half my life, slowly exhaled past my lips as I hugged him back and felt my eyes well with tears.
It was never supposed to be like this.
The two leaders of Adrenaline, divided.
We were always stronger together.
Powerful.
“I’m sorry.” Voice thick, he continued to hug me.
And then, I felt another set of arms and another.
Followed by Ty’s stupid voice. “We felt left out.”
Will and I both shook with laughter while Trevor added in, “So, are we good now? No more Drew-versus-Will temper tantrums?”
We all broke apart.
I shrugged. “He lives for my temper tantrums.”
Will rolled his eyes. “He wouldn’t be Drew Amhurst without all the attitude, so we kind of have to take him as is.” He made a face as he looked me up and down. “Homeless and stupid.”
“Hey! I’m not homeless,” I pointed out. “I have a home in LA, and I’m choosing to live in the guesthouse for easy access to Bronte’s—”
A voice cleared.
“She’s behind me, isn’t she?” I guessed.
Will grinned. “Do continue.”
“In my defense, I was going to say kitchen.” I finished before I slowly turned and saw Bronte’s expressionless face. “Shit, I messed this up, didn’t I? What I meant—”
She didn’t let me finish; instead, she jerked my face down with both hands and planted one of the hottest kisses I’d ever received right on my mouth.
In front of the entire band.
And amidst all their whistling, I managed to flip them off with one hand while crushing her mouth against mine by holding her head in place with my other.
Our tongues moved together and apart while our lips slid in sync, as though we were made for each other.
Breathless, we broke apart.
Her green eyes lit up with wonder. “I cried.”
“I saw.” My voice cracked.
“You win.” She held out her hand.
“Wait, what does he win?” Ty chimed in. “Ouch! Hit me
