“Mary,” he warned. “I’m not sure I can give you what you deserve. My heart is half gone already.” And if she were to become pregnant…he’d perish with worry.
She raised her brows. “As is mine.”
His shoulders slumped. That was a good point. “I won’t be able to love you.”
She shook her head. “I’m not asking for your love. I just want a future of my own. In the process, I will aid you with yours.”
“A marriage of convenience?” He leaned down again, stealing another kiss and then another. “The idea has merit.”
He slid his hand down her arm, then laced her fingers through his. “I could be here for you and for Anne,” she said.
His eyebrows rose. “And I could make you a countess. A far better life than that of a tutor.”
She stepped back then, adding space between them. “Eight tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow,” he answered. But he didn’t want to wait. He wanted to touch her right now. Which might really be an issue with a marriage of convenience.
Chapter Eight
Mary ended up sleeping in Anne’s bed. The child was so afraid and they both got far more sleep that way. Still as she made her way down the stairs the next morning, she wondered if her exhaustion was going to impact her ability to reason with Sin.
Pausing just outside his office, Mary pinched her cheeks. If she were honest, even when Anne was sleeping, she’d been awake thinking about the lord across the hall. Her Chase heritage had reared its head again as she’d actually managed to propose to an earl.
She pushed her fingertips into the sockets of her eyes. Ridiculous. At least he seemed to be considering the proposal.
Which was what had caused the sleeplessness. Every time she thought about actually being married to the man… visions of his kisses, the way he touched her danced through her thoughts.
Then there were the other possibilities. Like bearing a baby of her own. She’d thought those possibilities had died with Harold and it had taken her a long time to open herself to them again. Which was why she needed to be gentle with Sin now.
Dropping her hands, she pinched her cheeks again. Mentally, she worked through her list of rational reasons why this marriage was a smart decision on his part.
“Mary,” he called from in the office. “Are you going to come in?”
Everything inside her went rigid, making it difficult to move. “Perhaps. I just need a few more minutes in the hall.”
He chuckled and she relaxed at the sound. “Why don’t you come in here and think your thoughts. I’ve got a pot of tea waiting for you.”
Her shoulders slumped as a small smile graced her lips. “You understand me already.”
“Perhaps a little,” he answered.
She entered the room to find him standing by the window, his gaze focused on the ground below. She glanced out to see the garden and the spot in which they’d picnicked the day before. “Did you sleep at all last night?”
“Not much,” he answered. “I’ll try to rest this afternoon. Tonight, I am off to the club.”
She supposed she’d sleep better knowing he wasn’t in the house but a part of her was disappointed too. Mary liked being near him. “What are those clubs like?”
He looked up at her then. “They are dark and rather…” He paused. “A lot of men doing a lot of drinking and a fair bit of fighting because money and liquor are involved.”
“Sounds lovely.” She stepped up to the tray of tea. “Would you like a cup?”
He turned to her then, his eyes drinking her in. “It is a necessity to make sure that Anne is provided for.” Then he hesitated. “And my future heir, of course. He must inherit a sustainable earldom.” Why did he grimace when he mentioned another child?
She held her breath. “You’ve considered my offer.”
He took the cup of tea she offered, his fingers brushing hers. “I have.”
She picked up her own cup and brought it to her lips, trying to hide the tremble. As an earl he had lots of options as to who he took for a bride, but for her, this might be her last chance to marry. Taking a sip, she then clamped her teeth together to keep from commenting.
“I lost my first wife during the birthing of my second child.” He turned to the window again. “He was a boy, but he didn’t survive either.”
So he’d suffered two losses, not one. And a life so small and fragile. No wonder he was so hesitant. “I’m sorry.”
He looked back at her. “My hesitation is not that you’re unsuitable in any way but you’re so small.” His gaze raked up and down her. “I worry that I’ll lose you too.”
The cup nearly slipped from her fingers as tears filled her eyes. “I won’t make you a false promise. Life is so uncertain, I can attest to that more than anyone. But even strong, healthy people die. It is part of life, I’m afraid.” But honestly, she wasn’t that worried. She didn’t wish to belittle his fears but she’d always been healthy, strong. And the women in her family birthed children exceptionally well. “But of the things that I worry about, childbirth isn’t one of them. A life without meaning, however, scares me to no end.”
He nodded, relaxing a bit. “I appreciate your perspective and I’m glad you’re not afraid. I’m a large man though, and I seem to create large babies and—” He scrubbed his hands over his face.
She set down the cup and placed a hand on his shoulder, her own heart aching. “I understand. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if I thought you were going off to war.”
He looked up at her then. “You do understand. Which is why I’ve decided to marry if you you’ll accept my terms.”
She dropped her hand as her stomach started to churn with dread. “Terms?”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
