Do the Tao Now
Do a meditation today in which you picture yourself as having the same qualities as water. Allow your soft, weak, yielding, fluid self to enter places where you previously were excluded because of your inclination to be solid and hard. Flow softly into the lives of those with whom you feel conflicted: Picture yourself entering their private inner selves, seeing perhaps for the first time what they’re experiencing. Keep this image of yourself as gently coursing water, and watch how your relationships change.
79th Verse
After a bitter quarrel, some resentment remains.
What can one do about it?
Being content with what you have
is always best in the end.
Someone must risk returning injury with kindness,
or hostility will never turn to goodwill.
So the wise always give without expecting gratitude.
One with true virtue
always seeks a way to give.
One who lacks true virtue
always seeks a way to get.
To the giver comes the fullness of life;
to the taker, just an empty hand.
Living Without
Resentments
In this verse, which has been so helpful to me personally, you’re asked to change the way you hold resentments following a difference of opinion or an outright quarrel. Now what causes annoyance and anger after a dispute? The generic response would be a laundry list that detailed why the other person was wrong and how illogically and unreasonably they behaved, concluding with something like, “I have a right to be upset when my [daughter, mother-in-law, ex-husband, boss, or whomever you’re thinking of] speaks to me that way!” But if you’re interested in living a Tao-filled life, it’s imperative that you reverse this kind of thinking.
Resentments don’t come from the conduct of the other party in an altercation—no, they survive and thrive because you’re unwilling to end that altercation with an offering of kindness, love, and authentic forgiveness. Lao-tzu says, “Someone must risk returning injury with kindness, or hostility will never turn to goodwill.” So when all of the yelling, screaming, and threatening words have been expressed, the time for calm has arrived. Remember that no storm lasts forever, and that hidden within are always seeds of tranquility. There is a time for hostility and a time for peace.
As the storm of a quarrel subsides, you must find a way to disregard your ego’s need to be right. It’s time to extend kindness by letting go of your anger. It’s over, so offer forgiveness to yourself and the other person and encourage resentment to dissipate. Be the one seeking a way to give, in the sense that Lao-tzu describes in this verse, rather than the one looking for something to get.
I run a large enterprise based on the wisdom in this profound verse. My company is all about giving, so if there are any disputes about product sales, my assistant knows to let the other party have whatever they desire. If someone can’t afford something, I give it away. I allow recordings of my talks and ask nothing in return. I give of my time for photographs, autographs, or anything at all. Unless I have a plane to catch, I’m the last person out of the auditorium, and I’m willing to talk with anybody who makes such a request. It’s all about giving, and those who work for me know this and live by these principles.
When I asked an outsider to be a part of my speaking tour not long ago, I encountered a man who was a tremendously gifted musician and entertainer yet was living in scarcity. Despite his enormous talent, abundance just wasn’t flowing into his life. After a few of our speaking dates, I noticed his inclination to be a taker rather than a giver—he consistently looked for ways to make more money on the side, excluding everyone else who was working to provide a service to those who attended the lectures.
I had a long discussion with this man about how his profiteering rather than offering was blocking the flow of abundance into his life, and I encouraged him to trust in the wisdom that Lao-tzu provides. The point here is that this was an opportunity for us to both proceed on the tour without resentment.
Regardless of anyone else’s attitude, if you live with “true virtue,” you’ll seek a way to give. This truth completely aligns with the Tao; after all, the creator of life is always giving, never taking. So change the way you think about scarcity and resentment, and begin to truly feel the question How may I serve? The universe will seem to respond, Finally, you got it—you’re acting like me! I’ll keep that flow coming into your life in ways that will astound and delight you. As Lao-tzu says, “To the giver comes the fullness of life; to the taker, just an empty hand.”
Here’s what Lao-tzu encourages you to do to make the wisdom of the 79th verse your reality: 79th Verse
End on love, no matter what!
Picture yourself at the termination of a quarrel or major dispute. Rather than reacting with old patterns of residual anger, revenge, and hurt, visualize offering kindness, love, and forgiveness. Do this right now by sending out these “true virtue” thoughts to any resentments you’re currently carrying. Make this your standard response to any future altercations: I end on love, no matter what!
Practice giving.
In the midst of arguments or disagreements, practice giving rather than taking before you exit the fracas. Offer the Tao treasures or real virtues by presenting kindness rather than a put-down,
