I walk back around and pull him out of the tire, wrapping him in my arms. “I know you have a daddy that loves you somewhere, he just isn’t here with you right now. Just remember you have people that love you very much and would do anything to make sure you and your momma are happy.”
He buries his face into my chest as he grips my t-shirt tightly. He sniffles a few times and I hope he is able to keep the tears at bay. “I love you, little man. You and your momma both,” I whisper as I place a kiss on the top of his head and squeeze him in a fierce hug.
I didn’t think it would be possible to love another human being as much as I love Lucy, but there is no doubt in my mind that I love this little boy. I love Colt as if he was my own and will always be here for him whether or not Lucy and I get back together. Colt has wormed his way into my heart, making it grow a million times bigger.
I hear his tiny voice say something, but I’m not able to make out what he is saying. Pulling him away from my chest, I ask, “What did you say, Colt?”
He sighs before locking eyes with me, his determination evident in his eyes as he asks the last thing I expected to hear from him. “Can you be my daddy?”
I hear a shocked gasp to my right as I turn and notice Lucy standing in the patio door, obviously having heard what he just asked me. Not wanting to cause any more trouble than I already have, I turn back to Colt and give him a bright smile. “I thought I was your best friend?”
“Can’t you be both?” His words are full of hope, but I honestly don’t know how to answer that question without crossing a line.
I pull him back into my chest and stand to my full height. “I love you, Colt,” I whisper into his ear before kissing him on the cheek.
“I luv you too,” he responds before snuggling into my chest as I head toward Lucy.
Lu has regained her composure slightly, but I can still see the apprehension in her features as we get closer. “How’s my little man! I missed you today, Colt,” she chirps trying to brighten his mood.
“Momma!” He immediately reaches for her, a bright smile covers, his face as if our conversation never happened.
Lucy takes him from my arms and covers his face with kisses, and he giggles in excitement. Once she has covered his face with kisses, she gives him a smile and tells him Rylee and Haddie are waiting for him inside.
With a quick wave, Colt is off in a flash toward his two new playmates. As he shuts the door, I give him a wink and a smile, hoping that he is feeling a little better after our conversation.
Lucy and I stand in silence for a few minutes before I can’t bear it any longer. “I’m sorry if I overstepped with what I said to him about his father, but I didn’t want him to be upset about not having him in his life. He has Colton and now me. That kid won’t want anything in his life, I promise.”
“Can you promise that? Can you promise to never leave him, to never disappear from his life because you have more important things to do.” Lucy growls at me, unshed tears filling her eyes.
“Yes, I can. I didn’t leave you by choice Lucy, I had to go. I literally had three minutes to decide what to do, and I made a choice. It was the right choice. I know that in my heart but that does not mean for one minute I didn’t miss the hell out of you the entire time.”
“You keep saying that, Tyler. You keep saying you had to leave, that it wasn’t your choice. However, it was your choice to stay away for years. It was your choice to not pick up a damn phone and call me.”
“I couldn’t call you, Lu. I had to get better, better for both of us.” I want her to understand that everything I have done in the past was to create a better life for both of us. To get my life together so I could take care of her and our future children, but I couldn’t do that without leaving.
All of this sounds like excuses, even to my ears. Lucy has no idea what I went through to get myself to the place I am today. Where I don’t want to have a drink every moment of every day. Where I can think past anything other than when I can have my next drink. She doesn’t know because I haven’t shared that with her.
“Whatever, Tyler. Thank you for watching Colt for me today, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t say things to my son you don’t mean.”
“I meant every fucking word I said, Lu. I love you and that little boy with my whole heart. I never thought it was possible to love another human being as much as I love you, but I do. Nothing will change that.”
“Words, Tyler. Those are just words. What Colt and I both need are actions.” Her voice cracks with emotion as she reaches for the door.
I grab her arm, pulling her into my chest. “Lu, stop. Haven’t I shown you how much I care for both of you? That if you needed anything from me, all you had to do was ask?”
Lucy spins on her heels and smacks me hard across the face. “You fucking left! You left when I needed you the most and were nowhere to be found.”
There it is, the monster keeping us apart. I thought I could show her with my actions I
