“If Karma doesn’t come for the abusive piece of shit you are one day soon, I’m going flay you alive and spit-roast you on a barbeque. Then I’ll force feed you to every single one of all your paedophilic friends that have ever dared laid a hand on Axel.” A shudder rolling through her skin-tight pantsuit makes me smile the kind of smile a psychopath would give his next victim. Pushing away, I round into the kitchen until her already-composed voice stops me in my tracks.
“You’re worse for him than I ever was.”
“What the fuck did you just say?” I whirl around to see her smug shitting face back with vengeance, one hand casually on her hip.
“At least Axel always knew what I wanted out of him, but you’re just dragging him along to prove something to yourself. He’s a passing novelty to you, so who’s the real abuser here?” Sharon spins so fast, her ponytail whips around her viciously and she strides away with confidence. I stand there, mouth hanging open and a heat rising to my cheeks as if I’ve just been slapped. I can’t move, can’t think straight.
Red curtains my vision. I want to smash everything in close range and scream. To beat the living shit out of the closest possible person, feel their bones crack beneath my knuckles and hear them beg for mercy until the beast within me is sated. But none of that will matter now I understand the problem. Fuck, I hate Sharon is the one to put things into perspective, but I realise why Axel doesn’t believe I can change. No one will ever believe it because I’ve never given them cause to. But I’m gonna prove them all wrong. So, fucking wrong.
∞∞∞
“Yes, there. It’s perfect.” I glance around the patio, excitement rippling through me. Avery has just finished dotting candles around the hammocks, Huxley following to light them while Dax works on lighting the fire pit. He nudges the burning wood with a steel poker and places a mesh cover on top, heat already radiating around us. Night has fallen, a thick blanket of the deepest blue acting as our canopy, thousands of twinkling specks covering the moonless sky.
Avery retrieves some thick blankets and cushions from inside, adding homely touches to my master plan. When I’d gone in search and found the three of them in the gym earlier, I’d been more than surprised with their instant agreement to help me. I hadn’t given any of them enough credit, having been too focused on Axel to remember these fuckwits are still my family. The only one I’ve got.
The grandfather clock inside chimes, announcing the arrival of the late hour I asked Axel to meet me down here. I quickly shoo everyone back inside, putting a pin in thanking them as I tell them to fuck off. Running a hand through my hair, I smooth it over and frown at my tracksuit. Maybe I should have changed. Axel steps into view, the sight of his muscular frame in his basketball kit and slanted smile instantly banishing all my doubts. If he’s with me, nothing else matters.
“You look amazing,” I breathe. His brows quirk as if I’m exaggerating but I’ve never been more serious. From his freshly shaven head to the single mole on the sole of his right foot, he’s perfect to me. Sliding my arm into his, I lead him outside. Wood crackles within the firepit, a faint line of smoke drifting upwards. The scent of fresh cut grass drifts to us, Axel’s favourite smell, after I forced the butler to skip serving Sharon’s dinner and mow the lawn instead.
“What is all this?” Axel asks, his tone laced with surprise.
“I wanted to talk,” I mumble, suddenly and ridiculously shy. I don’t usually handle opening up very well, but the whole bottle of Jack Daniels I downed a short while ago has definitely taken the edge off. Holding the double hammock still, Axel settles himself inside carefully. Nudging in beside him, I cover us with a checked blanket and slide my arm beneath his head, so he’s forced to snuggle into my side – not that he needed any encouragement. We stare up at the stars, all the words I want to say muddling in my mind, yet nothing spills from my lips.
“What did you want to talk about?” Axel finally asks the question I knew was coming but was still dreading.
“So much has happened this past week. We didn’t get to finish our conversation from before…” My eyes drift to his stomach, wishing for the millionth time I could have taken his place.
“We argued, it’s what people do.” Axel shrugs. “We’re back to normal again now.”
“No, it’s what couples do. And we’ve never been normal. So where does that leave us?”
“I thought you didn’t do labels,” Axel grins up at me but I can’t return it. He’s acting as if we can still be carefree fuckbuddies like before, but surely he can sense everything has changed. This soul consuming, heart pounding pressure I’ve been carrying around can’t possibly be one sided.
“You said when I was ready to say the words out loud, you’d be ready to hear them. Is that still the case?” I hedge around what I really want to say, fearing his answer. If Axel rejects me, I don’t think I’d survive it.
