The Eiffel Tower came into sight as we walked. People were sprawled out on the lawn in front of it, some with picnic baskets or bottles of wine. There was a hole in the middle of the lawn, blocked off with cones.
We sat down on the ground, and Laila and Patrick pulled beers out of their bags and distributed them.
“No thanks,” I said when Laila held one out to me. I’d never tried alcohol. There had never been a moment in my life where I would have felt comfortable being a little fuzzy. I needed to be sharp, and ready to defend myself, always. Now was no different.
Edan also declined a beer. So did Dorsey and Gage, but they were sharing something from a bottle.
Laila grabbed a beer for herself and moved the bag so it was behind her. It was a canvas tote covered in hand-painted flowers.
“I like your bag,” I said. “Did you paint it yourself?”
“Oh, yeah.” She glanced back at it. “I was just messing around one day.”
“That’s just messing around?” Archer asked, eyeing the elaborate flowers, the bright colors and the butterfly near one of the handles.
“Laila’s an artist,” Noah said. “I linked to some of her shops in my last video. Someone clearly wasn’t watching.”
Archer ducked his head sheepishly. I also hadn’t seen it, but maybe I got a pass as the only member of the team without a phone.
“It’s just some totes and prints and stuff.” Laila smiled as she played with the top of her beer can.
“You all right?” Zoe asked Edan. He was gingerly touching the bandage poking out of the neck of his shirt.
“Yeah, it’s fine.” He lowered his hand.
“It didn’t mess up one of your tattoos, did it?” Priya asked.
“No, I’m just as beautiful as usual, thank you for asking.”
“Look how many views you got on that last video,” Madison said, tilting her phone so Noah could see.
His face went red. “I know.”
“He was refreshing it, like, every five seconds before we left,” Patrick said.
“Did you post a new video?” Dorsey asked. He pulled his own phone out and then sighed, returning it to his pocket. “I keep forgetting I don’t have service here.”
“Yeah, there’s a new video,” Noah said.
“It’s really good,” Madison said. “He got some footage of the dead scrabs and some recruits after fighting and cut it all together.”
“I try.” Noah tried to sound nonchalant, but his cheeks turned even redder. He avoided Madison’s gaze. “I’m thinking of getting a small camera that attaches to my uniform, so I can get footage of us fighting when we get out there. I just need to find a little body camera.”
“You can put it on your list,” Madison said.
“What list?” Noah asked.
“Grayson’s going to put recruit wish lists online next week. A lot of people have asked how they can help, and he knows that sometimes people don’t like just sending money, because they don’t know where it’s going. So he’s going to do wish lists, where people can buy what we want, and send it to us with a note.”
“Oh, that’s nice,” Zoe said.
“Thank god,” Gage said, talking around the cigarette he was lighting. “I’m running low on cigarettes.”
“You will not be allowed to ask for alcohol or tobacco,” Madison said.
“What is even the point, then?” Gage blew smoke up into the sky.
I watched the smoke disappear, considering what I wanted. A phone, though that seemed like too much to ask for.
“Did Grayson already contact Dani’s family?” Laila asked quietly.
“Yes,” Madison said, reaching for her beer.
We were quiet for a moment. I’d barely known Dani—all of us barely knew her—but my throat closed up anyway. Who would be next? Julian? Patrick? Me?
“No one’s thinking of quitting, are they?” Madison asked, peering at us. Her eyes stopped on Zoe.
“Fuck no, I’m not quitting,” Gage said. “I’ve barely seen any action.”
It took Zoe a moment to realize Madison was looking at her. “What? Me? Why would I quit?”
“I was just asking. I heard you complaining that Julian left us alone in the complex.”
Zoe flushed. “Well, he should have stayed with his team. The other team leaders did.”
“I wasn’t arguing,” Madison said.
“I’m not quitting.” Zoe drew her knees up to her chest, throwing an arm across them. “It’s not like I . . .” Her usual annoyed mask fell away as she searched for the words. “I don’t have anywhere to go if I quit. Most of us can’t even afford the plane ticket home.” She glanced at Madison, because we all knew she could take a private jet back to the US if she wanted. “But even if I could get home, my parents just got a divorce. My dad moved in with his slut girlfriend—”
I winced inwardly at the word slut, especially the way it came out of her mouth. It was a dagger, one she had used many times.
“And she hates me,” Zoe continued. I could sort of guess why. “And my mom and my little sister moved into this tiny apartment with my grandma, who, I’m sorry, is the total worst.”
Dorsey barked out a laugh. “Your grandma is the worst?”
“Yes. People are always talking about their grandmas like they’re out there making cookies and knitting or whatever, but my grandma is super mean.”
“My grandma does not knit,” Laila said.
“Mine does,” Dorsey said.
“My grandma yells at people,” Zoe said. “Me, specifically. So, no, I’m not quitting.” Her last sentence was directed at Madison and had a bit of an edge to it. Madison held both her hands up in surrender.
“Noah, what are you doing?” Laila asked with a laugh. I looked at Noah to see his head tilted way back, his mouth open as he stared intensely at the black sky.
“The abyss is staring back,” he whispered.
“What?” Zoe asked.
“The abyss.
