“What is he talking about?” Dorsey grabbed the can in front of Noah. “You didn’t even drink half of this yet. You’re a lightweight, dude.”
“It’s Nietzsche,” Laila said. “What’s that quote . . . ?”
“It’s something like, he who fights monsters should make sure he doesn’t become a monster himself,” Madison said. “And if you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss stares back.”
“Yes,” Noah said, pointing in Madison and Laila’s direction without looking away from the sky. “They know.” He leaned back so far that he lost his balance and ended up on the ground.
“You can’t become a scrab,” Dorsey said. “They’re not zombies.”
“He didn’t mean literally,” Laila said. “Nietzsche died, like, a hundred years before actual monsters showed up.”
“Well, I clearly slept through that day at school,” Dorsey said, taking a swig of beer.
I lifted a shoulder, because I must have too. Neither the quote nor the name sounded at all familiar. Dorsey noticed and gave me a crooked smile.
“I think you slept through most days at school,” Gage said. Dorsey punched his shoulder.
Madison flopped down on her back next to Noah. “How do I get the abyss to stare back?”
“I don’t know. It just happens.” Noah swept his arm at the sky dramatically.
Priya lay down on her back, and then Edan, then me, and soon we were all on our backs, except for Dorsey and Gage, who were apparently too cool.
There weren’t any stars visible, since we were in the middle of the city. Maybe that was what Noah meant by abyss. It was mostly just hazy blackness.
I put a hand behind my head. My left arm burned a little as I moved, and I shifted it away from the ground.
“What is that expression?” I heard Priya ask.
“I’m just really happy that I’m not at home right now,” Archer said softly.
“Seriously,” Dorsey agreed.
I smiled.
19
On day six of training we had what Grayson called “an informational session.” Julian called it a “shit’s getting real session.”
“If you’re going to quit, it’ll probably be after this session,” he said, hands on his hips as he peered down at us. We were in the small gym, where we started every day.
“I mean, we already fought scrabs,” Edan said. “I think if we were going to quit, it would have been two days ago.”
Julian shot Edan an annoyed look. Edan sort of had a point, though. I didn’t think that Grayson telling us how scary scrabs were was going to be worse than watching one kill Dani.
“Please give Grayson your full attention in the session,” Julian said. “People already don’t take you seriously because you’re the teenage team. Don’t give them more ammo.”
People didn’t take us seriously? Beside me, Laila seemed startled as well. Dorsey and Gage exchanged a look.
I stole a glance at Julian. He still seemed annoyed. He wasn’t great at showing his sweet side to the rest of the team. I felt like I knew a completely different person sometimes.
“All right, go,” Julian said. “Be ready to do the obstacle course right after.”
Julian’s gaze lingered on me, and I waited as the rest of the team filed out of the gym. The door banged shut, leaving us alone.
“Everything OK?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He tugged at his lower lip. “I was too harsh with them, wasn’t I? I keep worrying that if I’m not tough, they’ll just totally ignore me, because I’m barely older than you guys. And if they ignore me, they could end up dead.”
“No, that totally makes sense,” I said. “Better for them to think you’re the bad guy than to get eaten, right?”
“Yes.” He looked relieved. “I’ve become my father.” He let out a short laugh.
“How so?”
“He was always saying the same thing to me, that he wasn’t my friend and he was tough for my own good. I get it now. Don’t tell him I said that,” he added with a smile.
“My lips are sealed.” I wondered if he thought I might actually meet his father one day. The idea made a thrill of excitement race up my spine. We’d just started . . . whatever we were doing (dating? hanging out? kissing?), but I liked the idea that he thought we might be more one day.
“You should go. I don’t want to make you late.” He tugged on the edge of my shirt, pulling me closer so he could press his lips to mine. I smiled at him when we pulled apart, then turned to walk out of the gym and down the hallway.
Mexican team three was leaving the big gym, and Luis stopped when he spotted me.
“Um, you . . .” He paused for a second while he searched for the English words. He gestured to my arm. “You were shot?”
I was famous for getting shot. Lovely. “I was. But it’s fine. Just a scratch. No es gran cosa.”
He smiled, giving me a thumbs-up before jogging to catch up with his team. I headed into the small gym. Several teams were already there, sitting on the ground facing the back wall. A laptop and projector had been set up behind them.
American teams one and two (the all-male teams made up of a bunch of beefy dudes) were at the front, talking and laughing. The one with shoulder-length blond hair peered over his shoulder at me. We’d met yesterday, when he’d randomly introduced himself in the cafeteria. Jeff. He was at least thirty.
His eyes lingered, a smile spreading across his face. I looked away.
“Creeper,” Zoe muttered under her breath as she sat down next to me.
“You met him too?”
“I sure did. If you ever see me talking to him, please come rescue me immediately.”
“Same.”
“Deal.”
More teams filled in the area around us. Madison scooted over to one of the Canadian teams as they sat down. They all greeted her like they’d already met.
I glanced around at my own team. I felt like I’d barely gotten to know them, much less buddied up to other teams.
“All right, guys, let’s get started.” Grayson strode across the
