Cassidy peeled at the label of her beer. “That must have been tough.”
“I so badly wanted to make her happy, but I just couldn’t. Plus, I was afraid I wouldn’t be there to help raise the family she so wanted.”
“Because of work, or because you might not come home from one of your missions?”
“Both, I guess.”
“Wow, that’s awful.”
He squinted at the darkness. “Yeah.”
“When it ended, I joined the joint task force with ICE in Costa Rica. I needed something big to latch onto, something that would really make a difference, prove to me that it was all worth it.”
“Looks like it did, with Mel and that Columbian crime family now in jail.”
Bruce nodded, his lips pressing together in a tight line. “I almost lost you, though,” he said. “I don’t know what I would have done if that had happened.”
Cassidy remembered Bruce’s visit to her hospital room and the way he had tried to convince her to not blame herself about Mel.
“It wasn’t your fault though,” she said.
“Still,” he said with a heavy sigh. “That was the scariest things I’ve ever seen.” He closed his eyes. “You had gone blue and limp in my arms, Cassidy. I was watching you die.”
Her gut lurched.
“Sorry, that’s probably not pleasant to hear.”
Cassidy inhaled slowly while counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…until the image of Mel’s conflicted expression faded. Thank you, Jay. Where would she be right now without his support?
“Since then, I haven’t been able to let anyone get close to me,” she said in a rush. Why was she telling him this?
“No surprise there,” Bruce said, giving her a look of compassion.
“Tonight, when Bo put his hand on my back, it felt so weird. Like I wasn’t in my own skin.”
“It’s not weird like that with Quinn is it?” he asked.
“No, though Quinn isn’t much of a hugger.”
“Or me?” he asked, a tightness pulling at the edges of his eyes.
Cassidy struggled to keep her stomach still.
“Uh, oh,” Bruce said. “Cassidy, I feel like I can read you pretty well, but have I made you feel uncomfortable?”
Her emotions fizzled inside her, mashing and mixing like a toxic brew. “No,” she replied while the concoction inside her bubbled furiously, threatening to boil over. “But it’s sort of messed with my head.”
A tense pause filled the space between them. “Can you tell me about it?”
She picked at one of the fraying straps of her chair. She wasn’t going to talk about her reckless decision to sleep with Héctor and then Mel in a misguided attempt to regain her confidence. “I guess I don’t trust myself.”
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
She inhaled a steadying breath before meeting his gaze. “Of course I do.”
“Then what is it you don’t trust?”
“That I won’t end up alone again,” she said, crossing her arms.
“Because of Pete.”
“Because it’s what happens,” she said, the boiling acid in her stomach rising into her chest.
“I’m so sorry, Cassidy,” he said, shaking his head.
A tear leaked from the corner of her eye. “I try not to think about it like that, but…”
“You have Quinn, your friends, right?”
“Yeah,” she said, wiping the tear away.
“And you have me,” he added.
“But what if something happens to you?”
He closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m not going to lie to you, Cassidy, that’s a possibility.”
She nodded. At least he was being honest with her. Unlike Pete. “What does that mean?”
“It means I’m here if you need me.”
“Yeah, you’re here now,” she said. “But what about when I leave? What about when you take your next undercover case?”
“You said it. We’re together now, can we focus on that?”
Cassidy turned, the push-pull of emotions tumbling through her.
“I think this chair can hold both of us,” he said with a grin.
Despite the tear running down her cheek, she laughed. “What are you suggesting?”
He held out his hand and smiled. “That you let me hold you.”
Sixteen
With butterflies jumping into her throat, Cassidy shifted onto Bruce’s chair. He wrapped an arm around her and together they lay back, settling into place like two pieces of a puzzle.
She felt him sigh. His heartbeat tapped against her right ear, steady and strong.
Her mind was racing at Mach 10 with questions, but she was determined to silence them because this felt nice. A little weird, but nice.
“Tell me more about growing up in Hawaii,” she said.
Bruce obliged, painting a picture of his childhood, of exploring the beaches with his mom, of learning to surf with his dad, of BMX biking with his friends, of hurricanes and luaus and spear fishing.
“You ever see sharks?”
“Oh, sure,” he answered. “My uncle got bitten once, surfing.”
“He was okay?”
“Yeah. Twenty-eight stitches though, and he was in the hospital for three days.”
“You don’t have brothers or sisters?”
Cassidy felt him brush her wrist bone with the edge of his thumb, so soft she wasn’t even sure if he’d done it on purpose. “Nope. But cousins, and friends. We moved like a pack, going from house to house or yard to yard. When the surf was up we’d go to the beaches to surf or skim board.”
“Not to hit on girls?” she teased.
“Ha! I was afraid of girls.”
“You? Afraid?”
He chuckled. “Heck yeah. I had my friends, the ocean, freedom. It was everything I needed.”
“When did that line of thinking change?” It was pretty fun teasing him.
“Oh, boy,” he said, followed by a deep sigh. “That would be Aliana Hayes, junior year of high school.”
“Is this a story of heartbreak?”
“The saddest one you’ve ever heard,” he said, but she heard the smile in his voice.
“Let me guess. You gave up everything to be with her, and she dumped you.”
“Wow, you’re good,” he said, shifting his position so that their eyes met.
“Hardly. It’s the same story we all have, right?”
“Quinn didn’t beat up the guys who broke your heart?”
She scoffed at this. “Quinn doesn’t have an
