"Seeing you hurt me, too. When you came back, I wasn't ready to deal with you again. I had locked you away, and I didn't want to let you out. I was afraid to see you as you are, because I didn't want to want you again." She let out a sigh. "I was right to be afraid. It's been four days, and here we are."
"But it took more than four days to get back here," he said quietly.
"I know." Her expression shifted from pure bliss to one of uncertainty, and he hated to see the change. "I'm not sure where we go from here, Jake."
"Do we have to decide now?"
"Maybe not. But you know me, I like to plan things out. I like to have structure." She paused. "We're different that way. You're good at winging it, taking a leap into the unknown. I like to know exactly where I'm headed and how I'm going to get there."
"It's good that we're not the same. We complement each other."
"I suppose. You do push me in a way no one else ever has. What do I do for you?"
He thought for a moment. "You make me want to be the best version of myself."
She gave him a doubtful look. "I do? That has to be a recent thing, because it wasn't true before."
"Not that recent. The desire started about five minutes after I realized how badly I'd hurt you."
"I don't want to talk about that."
"Neither do I," he said quickly, sorry he'd brought it up.
"But you know what makes me crazy about that night, Jake?"
"I thought you didn't want to talk about it. Let's stay in this happy place that we're in. It's nice, don't you think?"
"It is nice," she said with a sigh. "But it was nice before, and then it ended, and I still don't know why. You had so many different excuses for doing what you did. I wish I could understand what really happened that day."
"Does it matter anymore?"
"I think it does, Jake. You want me to trust you again, and to do that, we need to have everything in the open. No secrets. No misunderstandings. No confusion. Complete and total honesty. That's how we move forward."
"I think it's how we move backward," he argued. "There's nothing I can say that will make you feel better about what happened. There's no way I can give you any kind of guarantee that you won't get hurt again. I can make the promise, but you have to find a way to have faith in me, in us."
She thought about that. "Maybe the promise would make more sense if I had context about what happened."
He sighed. "You are so stubborn."
"You're being just as stubborn," she retorted. "Why won't you tell me?"
He could lie and say he didn't know, but he'd done that before, and she hadn't believed him. He could make up a reason, but he'd done that before, too, and she hadn't believed him. She might believe the truth. It might change her feelings about his actions, but his hands were tied.
"I made a mistake, Hannah. I got drunk. I hooked up with Vicki. And I hurt you. Those are the facts, and I'm incredibly sorry about each and every one of them."
She stared back at him. "But there's something you're not telling me. I can hear it in your voice. I can see it in your eyes. It's between us. It's been between us for twelve years. And it's always going to be there until you share."
"Does it have to be between us? Can't we build from here? Can't we make new memories, Hannah? Do we have to keep rehashing things?"
"I don't know, Jake. It bothers me that I feel like you're hiding something from me. I have a problem with secrets. My mom's drinking was a huge secret for a long time. I had to lie about a lot of things so no one would take me and Tyler away from her. And when we did get taken away, I had to tell more lies to get her back. I don't want to live with secrets anymore. I don't want to be with someone who can't tell me everything. Maybe that's unfair, but it's the way I feel. I shouldn't have to settle for less than complete honesty."
He realized her need for the truth went way beyond him. "You're right. You shouldn't have to settle. And you shouldn't have to lie."
"Where does that leave us?" she asked.
He wished he could give her a different answer. "For now, I guess I should take you home."
Disappointment filled her eyes. "Really?"
"I can't tell you what you want to hear, at least not right now."
"Then when?" she asked in confusion. "What's holding you back?"
"Nothing I can talk about."
She out a weary sigh. "Okay. Then I guess you should take me home." She slid out of bed, taking the sheet with her.
As she moved into the living room to find her clothes, he rolled onto his back and cursed. But swearing wasn't enough. If he wanted anything to change, he had to do something, and it was long past time to do it.
He got out of bed, threw on some clothes and went into the living room where she'd finished getting dressed.
"I can call for a car," she told him in a tense voice.
"No. I'll take you home."
"It's going to be awkward."
"Probably. But no more awkward than it's been before," he returned.
He grabbed his keys and put on his jacket as they left his apartment. When they got downstairs and stepped outside, there was a light snow coming down.
Hannah shivered as they got into the truck, and he quickly turned on the heat. "It should warm up fast."
"From hot to freezing in ten seconds," she muttered.
"In more ways than one," he said, thinking how fast things had changed between them.
A buzzing sound drew her gaze to her bag. "Oh, my God it's Adam," she said, shooting
