After brushing my teeth and throwing some cold water on my face, I headed downstairs. Thomas was sitting in front of the television with his sippy cup, watching one of his train videos that he was enthralled with. I squatted beside him and placed a kiss on top of his head. He looked up at me and then pointed to the TV excitedly, bouncing up and down, and saying, “Choo choo.”
“That’s a big choo choo, I know!” I smiled over his enthusiasm.
I stood up and took a deep breath, not knowing what awaited me in the kitchen. I heard the clanging of dishes and Anna’s voice, but I wasn’t sure who she was talking to. I took the few steps in and was both surprised and delighted to find Kate sitting at the table with a cup of tea and toast. “Well, morning, sleepyhead,” Anna greeted. She and Kate exchanged smiles as if they had some special secret between them.
Had some miracle happened overnight? Kate looked and seemed in better spirits than she had since I had arrived here, and Anna was so much more relaxed than she’d been when she left last night.
“Good morning.” I countered their smiles. Then it finally dawned on me what the secret joke was between them. They must’ve known Theo and I had slept together last night. I was about to explain the situation and let them know that sleeping was the only thing that had happened, but instead I decided to play it cool and say nothing. Why open that can of worms if they really didn’t know and it was just my paranoia setting in? I warily took a seat next to Kate, feeling as if all eyes were on me. Even though I wanted to know where Theo was, I didn’t dare ask. I didn’t want to draw any more attention to the situation. Anna placed a cup of tea in front of me just as Thomas came toddling into the kitchen, taking a seat on Kate’s lap.
“Even Theo overslept. He scared the daylights out of us. We didn’t know he was here until he came into the kitchen. Kate and I nearly jumped out of our skin. I didn’t even realize his car was parked out front when I came in this morning. Goes to show you how out of it I was!” Anna remarked, and she and Kate both laughed, each with a playful grin plastered across their faces.
This was my cue. Time to come clean. “Nothing happened. I swear to you guys. He was upset and…” I nervously raked my hand through my hair and Kate placed her hand over my other one.
“Jillian. It’s fine. You and Theo are both adults.”
I feverishly shook my head. “No, but it’s not like that between us. We’re just good friends, I swear.” I realized that my desperate plea to Kate and Anna was more for my own benefit than theirs because even though Theo and I hadn’t taken that next step of our relationship physically, we had emotionally, and there was no turning back from that.
CHAPTER 19
KATE INFORMED ME that Theo had gotten called into an emergency meeting at work. I had been beating myself up all morning long over what had transpired between Theo and me the night prior, hoping it didn’t change things between us, until I received a text from him putting my mind at ease.
Theo: Thanks for being there for me last night. I’m sorry for letting things get out of control. You’re a great friend to me. Can I take you to dinner tonight as a thank-you?
There I had it, a great friend. My hours of obsessing over it had come down to three little words. I was happy now that we could put this past us and continue like normal. I typed out a reply, erased it, thought of something better to say, and typed that out. I shook my head after reading it, erasing that as well. This was so ridiculous. Since when did I have to analyze every word I was sending to Theo? I was the one who was changing things between us by behaving this way. I took a deep breath, pulled it together, and typed out exactly what I was feeling.
Me: No need to apologize or to thank me with dinner. That’s what friends are for.
My spirits had lifted so much from one simple text. When I looked out the living room window, the rain had stopped, and the sun was trying to peek its head through the clouds. I turned around to Kate, who was sitting on the couch watching television, and asked, “Are you and Thomas up for a walk?”
“Yeah, I think some fresh air will do me some good.”
I grabbed her sneakers sitting by the steps and brought them over to her.
“I’ll go and get Thomas together,” I said.
“Thank you so much.” She was winded as she struggled to put her shoes on. I went to help her, and she declined. I understood, there were still some things she wanted to do herself, but it was hard for me to watch and not offer her assistance.
“Thomas, do you want to go for a walkie?”
He toppled over his blocks and stood up. I took him up to his room and put a dry diaper on him, then went downstairs and prepared him a sippy cup of apple juice. Kate had managed to put on her sneakers and was standing in place while I threw some things in Thomas’ diaper bag. I grabbed Kate’s sweater from the coatrack. Even though it was mild out, I knew she got chilled quickly.
“Thank you,” she whispered when I placed it over her shoulders.
After taking Thomas’ stroller
