“Hello,” I answered, finally giving in. My voice was so low and hoarse from all the crying, I hardly even recognized it.
“Jillian.” His tone was filled with relief. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know, Theo. What do you think?” I didn’t mean to sound as harsh as I did, but did I really need to state the obvious?
“I’m in shock, so I can’t even imagine how you’re feeling. I’m so sorry, Jillian.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything.”
“Where are you?”
I was silent. I just wanted to hide away here until tomorrow, then get on the plane and head home.
“Jillian, please?” The desperation in his voice broke me down. I ended up telling him the name of the B&B and agreed to have him come to talk to me face-to-face.
I sat down in the parlor area, waiting for Theo to arrive. In the ten minutes’ time it took him to get there, I was able to go onto my phone and change my flight for a very hefty change fee, but I didn’t care. I would’ve drained my bank account just to escape this newfound truth. I wanted to cry all over again when I saw Theo walk through the door. This man I had grown to care about so much was just another causality in the aftermath of Kate’s deception. She was his sister, and I could never expect him to take my side over hers, nor would I ever want him to. It saddened me so much in knowing that going forward, if we were even to continue our friendship, there would always be an awkwardness between us. I hated the whole domino effect this was having. How could Kate have been so cruel to bring me into her little world, allowing me to get so close to her and everyone around her, only to pull the rug out from under me with her lies?
“Jillian.” Theo looked down at me with true compassion as he approached me. I got to my feet and gazed up at him through my swollen eyes with my heart breaking, bit by bit, second by second. “Is there someplace private where we can talk?” he asked.
“I think so.” I had overheard the innkeeper talking about the gardens in the back while I was waiting for Theo. He followed me out of the living room and through the French doors that led to a huge open space surrounded by benches and lush gardens. We decided on a more barren out-of-the-way spot to avoid any of the other guests who were taking advantage of the beautiful afternoon and the lavish landscapes around them. I looked around at the few green hedges surrounding us and the cracked concrete and couldn’t help but think how much this drab little area set amongst such beauty mirrored my own life at that moment. We took a seat on the bench as I prepped myself for what was to come. I would’ve much rather preferred to sit in silence. I didn’t want to hear anything Theo had to say. It wasn’t his fault; he was just as blindsided by this as I was. But I was so angry, and I needed to channel that irritation at someone.
“Do you see those cracks in the sidewalk around that flower?” he asked, looking down at the ground.
“Theo, really, the last thing—”
“Please, just answer me.”
“Yeah, I do.” I huffed, looking down at the ground below us.
“It makes you wonder how that lone flower survived, amongst them and with all the people passing by.” His eyes settled on me, and he continued. “Maybe all those cracks are the mistakes that flower has made in its life, leaving it all alone and vulnerable, but it’s still thriving despite it all. I’m sure there are days it just wants to be trampled on or wither away in the blistering sun, because it’s feeling hopeless. But it remains. A reminder to the people who take the time to recognize it that there’s still beauty in life, despite all the bad things that may happen to us or the blunders we make. Some people live their life allowing those cracks to define them, while others rise above them and realize that through those mistakes there could be beauty in ways we never imagined.”
He paused for a moment, taking my hand in his. “Thomas is like that flower, a reminder that out of mistakes, something precious still does exist.”
My eyes teared up as I choked back a sob.
“Yes, my sister has made many mistakes. Mistakes that have affected you in a lot of ways, but through them all, I only see beauty. Our friendship for one, and despite how you’re feeling toward Kate right now, your friendship with her. She may have been deceitful in how it all came to be, but I know in my heart how she feels about you, and there’s nothing dishonest about that. She cares about you, Jillian. That’s why she wanted you to know the truth about Thomas and get to know him before she...” His voice faltered and he stared straight ahead. “Before she passed away,” he finished.
I covered my face with my hands and let the unrestrained cries finally escape. There was no more holding them back. Evan had been given the one thing in life from someone else that I so desperately wanted to give him. That little boy I had grown attached to and taken care of these past few weeks while his mother was too sick to do so was Evan’s flesh and blood. He was half of Evan, but not half of me. Theo pulled me closer, allowing me to bury my face in his chest as the tears continued to fall and my body shook. He rested his lips on the top of my head, rubbing gentle circles on my back.
“I’m so confused, Theo. I don’t know what I should feel. I’m shocked, angry, sad... I just don’t know what I’m supposed
