As I looked her over for the first time, I realized how much of a toll just the few weeks since I had last seen her had taken on her. Her skin was ashen, and her body even thinner and frailer than the last time I had seen her.
“You know, the night Evan died, I told him something I’ve regretted ever since. I blamed myself for months, thinking I was the reason he crashed his car. If he had never met me or if things had turned out differently in our marriage, he would still be here, and I hated myself for it.” I pulled in my bottom lip. “I was a zombie for the months that followed, wishing I could trade places with him, but knowing I couldn’t. Then I went on that vacation. A vacation I didn’t even want to go on, and I met you and Theo.”
Her eyes pooled with tears.
“And, I felt like we were destined to all be friends. As each day passed in knowing the two of you, I was slowly forgiving myself, but I still had the underlying question eating away at me. Would Evan have eventually forgiven me?”
“I’m sure whatever it was, he would’ve. He loved you so much, Jillian. Despite what happened, he did. You’re all he talked about, and after we…” She closed her eyes. “He was so ashamed of himself, he apologized to me over and over, then told me he was still so in love with you. He was just lost and feeling hopeless. To tell you the truth, so was I, because at the time I was in love with a man who had been jerking me around for years.”
Looking up at the sky, I tried my old trick of trying to keep my tears at bay, failing miserably. “Did he...” I swallowed hard and choked back a sob. “Do you think he knew that I still loved him too?”
She nodded. “He did. He just didn’t know how to get back to the place you once were.”
“Neither did I,” I whispered, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Jillian. You are the only lifeline to Thomas’ father. I want him to know all about him as he grows. I want him to know everything you knew about him. I want you to be a part of his life. I…I know it won’t be easy with you living so far away, but Theo can keep me alive in Thomas’ heart. I want you to keep Evan alive as well.”
I wasn’t sure what the future held for Theo and me, but I hoped it involved us being together. We didn’t have a plan in place of how we’d manage the distance between us. Maybe I was being presumptive in thinking that there should even be one. But he did tell me he loved me, and we had shared something beautiful together. Pushing past my doubts and fears, I knew in my heart I would be there for Thomas, regardless. I owed it to Evan, and I owed it to Kate for opening me up to a beauty I never knew existed.
“I promise you, I will.”
CHAPTER 25
IT HAD BEEN two weeks since I had arrived, and each day Kate was fading away a little more. Like a beautiful flower, losing its petals to the first frost. Theo had cut back his hours at work to be around as much as he possibly could. Kate also had a nurse who came in once a day to check on her and administer medication that would aid in keeping her comfortable. The rest of the time, I had taken on the role of being her nursemaid, helping her bathe, dress, and forcing her to try and eat—a task that was becoming more difficult by the day.
Theo tried his hardest to help, but Kate refused. I completely understood. Even as sick as she was, there were certain things you just didn’t feel comfortable having your brother help you with. I’d sit on the bathroom floor beside her when she had to stay by the toilet because she was feeling too unwell to function away from it. Together we would act like it was perfectly normal to be spending hours on that cold ceramic tile floor with our backs against the wall. We’d find things to pass the time away and even manage to laugh in between Kate’s bouts of nausea.
We made up a game that we called You Say Potato. I’d say a word for something that we’d use in America and Kate would counter with the way they’d say it in England. Some of them were the same, but I was learning a lot were different. Both of us getting a good chuckle over our respective country’s version. For instance, I was sitting in the loo with Kate instead of the bathroom. I liked chips and Kate liked crisps. Theo was as the chemist getting Kate’s medication and not the pharmacy. It was amazing how something so silly could lighten up a normally unbearable situation.
Through it all, I was growing even closer to Theo and Thomas. I’d gone to Theo’s home for the very first time when his aunt and cousin came to spend the night with Kate. It was modern and very well decorated for a bachelor pad, but it lacked the homey charm Kate’s house had. I had grown accustomed to the creaky floorboards in Kate’s home and the little quirks that made it seemed lived in. Theo attempted to cook dinner, and after burning it to a crisp, we ended up ordering Chinese food. I thought it was so sweet that he even tried. I was actually willing to eat chicken the consistency of shoe leather. We had spent the night at his place and awoke
