“Maybe we made a mistake by sleeping together and taking our relationship to the next level.”
His eyes squinted in confusion. “Why do you think that?”
“What if you decide that you don’t need me anymore? What if you were right that night when you basically said we’d be unsure if us being together would be just because you were at a low point in your life and you just needed someone?”
“I was foolish for saying that, because you’re not just someone, you’re everything. I meant it when I told you I had never felt for anyone the way I feel for you. I had no reason to lie to you about that,” he said with earnest. The sincerity he was expressing was evident, from the warmth in his eyes to his agonizing countenance over the prospect of my hesitation of his feelings for me. My heart felt as if it was ripping away from my body in knowing my uncertainty was causing his pain.
“And I’m so sorry for doubting you. It’s just that Renata—” Shit. Dammit. I didn’t mean for that to slip out. I didn’t want to throw anyone under the bus because of my own self-doubts.
“Renata what?” His voice rose in defense.
I threw my hands over my face, looking for a quick escape, but knew there was no way around it. “She told me to be careful to not get my heart broken the way she had,” I blurted.
“Wow!” He threw his head back and let out an agitated chuckle. “She was so heartbroken? I guess she didn’t bother to explain to you that she was the one who cheated on me?”
“What?” My eyes widened. “But I thought you said you screwed up.”
“I did by never being around during our marriage because I was too wrapped up in my work. I never cheated on her with anyone except my job.”
“Well, why didn’t you make that clear to everyone? Even Kate thought it was you who was unfaithful.”
“Because regardless of what she did, I was to blame. I realized my marriage was over, long before she messed around. I never loved her the way a husband is supposed to love a wife, and I guess, I felt guilty over that because I know she truly did try. Look, Jillian, I never said I was perfect, far from it. But I know the way I feel for you is unlike the way I’ve ever felt for anyone, and if that’s not enough to convince you that I’d never break your heart, then I don’t know what else there is to say.”
“There’s nothing else to say. I do believe you, Theo, it’s just my own neurosis. I mean, could our feelings for each other withstand the distance between us?”
“Move here,” he said as nonchalantly as if he were asking me to go to dinner. I laughed it off at first, certain he was only joking. “I’m being serious…move here with me.”
“If only it were that easy.”
“It is.” He lifted my hand to his lips. “I love you, Jillian, and I don’t want to make it work with distance between us. I want to make it work with us together. I want your face to be the last thing I see before I fall asleep and first thing in the morning. I want to wake up with you in my arms every day. I promise, I will prove to you the way I feel for you is real.”
Everything about that proposition seemed so wonderful. “Theo, everything you said is everything I want too, but—”
He placed his finger over my lip. “Don’t say but, just say you’ll think about it.”
I wanted to spew the hundreds of reasons why that would be nearly impossible, but when I looked into his eyes, envisioning the future he had just laid out, the only thing I could think of was the one reason why it would be possible. “Okay. I’ll think about it,” I whispered.
CHAPTER 30
AFTER SPENDING ANOTHER week helping Theo tie up some loose ends with Kate’s affairs, I was back home. Theo wasn’t pressuring me to make a decision about moving, he was leaving it all up to me. He would make subtle hints, like when he would speak about the future, he’d preface it with we instead of I. I had to admit, his choice of pronoun did make my heart happy.
He and Thomas were coming to visit in a few more weeks to celebrate the Fourth of July on the actual Fourth of July, and I was counting down the days. I planned on making it a true celebration. Until then I was trying to get caught up with all my consulting work and get in touch with some things and people I’d been avoiding. One of them being Evan’s parents.
I had discussed with Theo the possibility of introducing Evan’s mother and father to Thomas. I knew they’d be ecstatic to learn they had a grandchild, but I wanted Theo’s approval first. I wasn’t going to even broach that subject if he was the least bit uncomfortable with it. Sensing his unease at first, I didn’t push it any further. Then the night before I was leaving, he finally laid out his fears, envisioning a custody battle if they were to find out. Thomas was his last link to his sister. I completely understood where he was coming from, but I knew Evan’s parents’ hearts were always in the right place. They would only want what was best for Thomas, and Theo clearly was it. Besides the fact that Evan’s mother had been having some health issues as of late, which I ashamedly had found out from his father via email after avoiding his calls. Now it was time for me to face them and all the other things I had been avoiding for all these months.
I closed my laptop after sending out some evites to my big Fourth of July bash I was planning. It was only about twelve people, but for