“Jillian?” A tall, older, gray-haired woman came out from behind the door and greeted me.
I released Thomas from my lap and stood up. “Hello,” I replied, not even recognizing the meekness in my voice.
“I’m Janet Seigel. It’s so nice to meet you. And who is this little cutie?”
She bent down to get a closer look at Thomas, who was burying his face into the back of my leg.
“This is Thomas…Evan’s son.”
“Well, he is just adorable.” She stood back up and smiled. “Are you ready to do this?” I nodded, picking Thomas up and following her back.
We reached a door and she turned around to me as she placed her hand on the handle. I nodded once again, letting her know I hadn’t changed my mind in the two-second walk back. Taking a deep breath, I held tightly to Thomas at the sound of the door opening. Taking the first step in, I distracted myself from my main focus and instead took in the configuration of the room. It had been set up to be warm and welcoming, like a living room of someone’s house. Two charcoal-colored couches sat across from each other with a coffee table containing a vase of fresh flowers in between. Natural sunlight beamed through the oversized windows, giving greater focus to the inspirational portraits that adorned the calming gray-colored walls.
My eyes were finally brave enough to shift to the two people in the room, each sitting on one of those two couches. A woman and man both appearing to be around my age. One of them with Evan’s heart beating inside of them. The other with his corneas to help him see. The man immediately stood up and shook my hand, introducing himself as Steve. I focused on his eyes, and even though they were deep brown, I still felt as if I was getting a glimpse into Evan’s bright blue ones. I extended my hand to him.
“Hi, I’m Jillian and this is Thomas, Evan’s son.” I placed Thomas down and Steve got down to his level, staring deeply into his eyes. Thomas stared back, fixated on him.
I squatted next to Thomas and whispered in his ear, “Do you see him in there? Do you see your daddy?” Shifting my gaze to the ceiling, I willed myself not to cry, but it was useless. “Do you see your beautiful boy, Evan?” I whispered. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know he replied, even if it was just in my own imagination. As I stood up, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand, trying to pull it together.
When Steve rose to his feet, I noticed the scarring on the right side of his face that extended from his cheek to his temple. “I can’t thank your husband enough for his selfless act. It changed my life.”
I nodded. “The same could be said for you as well.”
“Thank you,” he murmured and looked down at the floor.
Now it was the woman who stood up. I took a deep breath, knowing this was going to be even harder for me. A heartbeat I had almost memorized the tune of was playing on in someone else’s body. Tears gushed from her eyes, and I allowed mine to flow as well as I took the first few wary steps toward her. She wrapped her arms around me, and I was oddly filled with a sense of comfort when I hugged her back. I was hugging a stranger, but nothing about it seemed awkward. In fact it felt weirdly familiar. “I’m Linda. I just want to say thank you to your husband, and my daughters thank him as well,” she managed to get out through her sobs. My face was soaked in tears, and I could sense Thomas’ distress over my emotional state.
“It’s okay, Thomas,” I reassured him, reaching for his hand as Linda took a seat.
“Can he listen?” I asked Linda. She nodded, and I placed Thomas on her lap. She pulled him closer, resting his ear on the left side of her chest while rocking him gently back and forth. I broke down into a million little pieces that day as I stood there watching Thomas interact with a part of his father for the very first time. The very best part of him. He’d never get to experience his kindness or his loving ways, but I’d make sure he knew all about the great man his father was. Through my deep sobs and the murmur of Evan’s heart beating inside of someone else, my own heart was smiling, and with each passing second, it was slowly piecing itself back together again. These three people in this room—Steve, Linda, and Thomas—were proof that life went on, and those cracks in the sidewalk were really just the landscape of our life. We were the only ones who could control how much beauty we allowed in to continue to grow or how much we let pass by because we were afraid of moving on.
After spending time with Steve and Linda and meeting their families, Thomas and I returned back to my house. Without saying a word, I fell into Theo’s arms, going into round two of my emotional breakdown. As we sat in silence and I rested my head on Theo’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, it occurred to me how lucky I was. I had found another heart to listen to. The rhythm and the melody may have been different than Evan’s, but the peace and love it brought to me was the same. Theo didn’t bombard me with questions about how it
