Chapter Twenty-Eight
When the world stops spinning, it’s time to get off the ride.
—Tensanne to herself
Tensanne
Two-Days Later
“TENSANNE, YOU NEED to eat. Come on, honey. Just a little, please,” Ronnie begs.
I ignore her pleas, staying curled up in my bed with my back to her. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to think.
Every kiss, every touch, every compliment and declaration of love, it was all lies. A sick joke on the fat girl. I’m so fucking stupid. I thought he loved me. I believed the lies in his eyes. The man deserves an Oscar award for his performance. He deserves a medal for taking one for the team and fucking the un-fuckable.
This pain is so harsh my heart aches in my chest. My eyes are so swollen from tears I can barely see when I do bother to open them. My heart is at war with my mind. I know what he did but I know what I felt and I can’t coincide the two.
Shooting up in the bed, “Ronnie, I need you to take me somewhere.”
Rubbing her hand over my hair, “Sure, honey. Anywhere you want to go.”
Wrapping myself in the best disguise I can create with sunglasses and a large hat, we head to her car. Driving through town, stopping at the store with a big neon palm on the window.
Bursting through the door, I rush to the counter passing two women perusing the books on the way. When I reach the middle of the store I meet the white eyes of Esmeralda, the lady that started all this bullshit, with the promise of a love potion.
“You lied to me,” I shout through tears. I don’t know how I have any left after days of crying. “You told me to believe, you said I would find love, you lied,” I yell.
“He used me—he used me and ruined me. I believed. Now fix it, please. Give me something that will make it right again,” I beg.
“No, Tensanne Craig. There vas no magic. The potion I gave yous for love vas nothing more zan vater. Yous needed to find the love inside yourself. To love anyone else is impossible if yous can’t love you.”
“No, you told me to believe. Believe and I would find love. You said some Mulo wanted me to have it and I found it, I thought. I really thought he loved me. Please, there must be a potion that can make it all go away. At least make this hurt go away.”
Reaching out, she touches my hand, “Yous found love in yourself, yes? Yous started to see how great yous are, yes? It’s all in the mind, girl. Yous had to believe, but it vasn’t a belief in a potion, it was a belief in yous. The truth potion is the only potion that vas magic. I gave yous a vay to protect your heart, did yous use it?”
Sobbing, with my arms wrapped around me, trying to hold my pieces together, “No, I didn’t. I believed what his eyes were telling me. You told me to believe his eyes.”
“What happens now is up to yous. Sometimes vhat is seen on the outside is not true. Seek deep within, Tensanne. Search deep and yous will see.”
Pulling my hand away, “Fuck you, lady. Fuck you, your magic and believing, you promised me magic, you promised me love and now you say it was only water. Bullshit. You and your Mulo can shove magic right up your ass.” I shout storming out of the store with Ronnie right behind me.
How dare this woman offer me happiness on a silver platter in the form of a magic potion. How dare she meddle in my life and tell me a bunch of fucked up crap about believing only to tell me that there was no real magic. She destroyed my life with her promises.
“I can’t stay here, Ronnie,” I wail on the drive back to campus. “The photo thing was bad enough, I’m not sure I can survive this. I quit, I’m done. It’s time for me to go home.”
“Tensanne, I don’t want to lose you. Have you thought about talking to Kohl? I know he’s an uber dickhead but, at least, maybe, you could get some closure. I don’t want to play devil’s advocate but he was so broken in the hall that day.”
“You won’t lose me, Ron. I just won’t be on campus anymore. I don’t want to hear what he needs to say. I don’t want to see his lying face.”
I stop a few doors down from ours seeing a familiar face standing in the hall. Long brown hair, plump curvy body and a face that resembles mine only older.
“Mom?” I ask, stunned.
“Tennie Girl, I remember,” she cries smiling with her arms open, tears streaming down her face.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Keep it simple, stupid”
—unknown
Kohl
I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I can to try to get her to talk to me. I have blown up her phone with text messages, lingered outside her dorm and classes but she hasn’t answered or left. She’s completely cut me out of her world.
The pain in my chest makes taking my next breath hard. I hate not seeing her every day, hearing her voice, seeing her smile. My life is lost without her in it. I have no focus, I have no heart left.
Jackson and I had as many of the videos pulled down as we could. The friend he had is a genius with computers and was able to stop most the feeds. There are still a few straggling videos people saved and try to repost but when they go live, this guy pulls them down. I don’t know how Jackson got him to do it all for free but I will owe him till the end of time for the favor.
I’ve hit a dead end with every lead to the source of the
