The computer guy traced the video as far as he could go and kept getting tied up in multiple start points. Whoever shared this damn thing knew what they were doing; this person knew how to set the video to make it like I was one filming it and they knew to cover her voice. I have racked my brain to figure out who would be that set on our destruction that they would ruin her in the process. I know it wasn’t Chase. He has been on his best behavior since the night of the party at Mayor Leelands but that didn’t stop him from sharing the damn thing and making comments about it. A two-minute video destroyed everything.
I never had the chance to tell her about my offer from the Pacers and the deadline has come. Without her, there is no reason for me to stay; no reason for me to turn down the offer. I had hoped we could make it work until she graduated; that our love would survive the trials and tribulations of a long-distance relationship.
After hours of soul searching, I realize that she never believed in us, or me. For her to think that I would do something so cruel proves somewhere in her mind she was waiting for it to fall apart. Her insecurities won, in the end. I know now we couldn’t have survived. She was searching for her happiness in me and that’s not how it works. For someone to be happy they must be able to find happiness within themselves, to fully give your heart to someone you must be able to love yourself and sadly she couldn’t do that.
Video or no video, her inability to love herself would have destroyed us in time. With me being on the road, with the women and the press breathing down our neck her trust issues would have eaten her alive.
Sitting at my desk, my eyes swollen with unshed tears, I empty everything my heart holds into my final words. My only hope is she will see and feel that what we have is real. That she will be able to find love within and understand I would rather cut my own heart out of my chest than to ever hurt hers.
Chapter Thirty
“I will be here for you until I can’t be here anymore.”
—a mom to her daughter
“Good, because I’m going to need you for a long time.”
—a daughter to her mom.
Tensanne
“MOM?” I CALL. Blinking my eyes to make sure I’m haven’t created a hallucination formed from my grief.
“Tennie Girl, I remember,” she sobs with her arms open and tears in her streaming down her cheeks.
“Y-you remember?” I wail collapsing in her arms. Feeling safe for the first time since I lost the safety of Kohl’s embrace.
Holding me in a tight hug, her familiar strawberry scent fills me with warmth and memories, “Yes, my baby girl. I remember everything.”
Tears streaming down my face, “H-how?”
“Come, come,” Ronnie says, “Let’s not do this in the hallway.”
I don’t want to let go. If this is a dream, I never want to wake up. Gripping her hand, we move into our room.
“Let me see you, my gorgeous girl. You’re so grown up, so radiant. I’ve missed so much,” my mom cries.
“How, Mom? When? Does Dad know?”
“It started slowly with flashes here and there. Mental snapshots of you when you were a little girl. Tucking you in, playing in the park, laughing at dinner. Just bits and pieces. I didn’t want to come to you until I was sure they were going to stay. I couldn’t put you through the pain of me forgetting again. Then, yesterday, it all flooded into my brain. Everything, from the time I found out I was having you, up to the day of the accident,” she explains wringing her hands in her lap. “I rushed to the doctor in a full anxiety attack. He had told me there was a chance that it would all come back someday but I was too bitter to have hope. I’m so, so sorry that I pushed you away; that I was hateful and cold.”
“Mom, no. Stop,” I beg grabbing her trembling hands.
Sorrow fills her eyes. She sighs, “I was so angry that I couldn’t remember you or your dad. You were strangers. I was afraid and wanted a normal life. I know that’s not good enough. That my excuses are not a reason. I hope you will forgive me. I don’t think I could live without you in my life, not anymore,” she sobs.
“Oh, Mom,” I cry, embracing her when a knock sounds at the door.
My eyes zero in on the door with a scowl.
Ronnie moves to see who’s knocking, “I got it,” she calls. “Don’t give me that look, Tensanne. I know you don’t want to see anyone but we can’t just sit here and let them keep knocking.”
Not being able to see, I hear Ronnie. “Hello, may I help you?”
“I think we may be able to help you if you will let us,” a female voice says.
“I’m sorry, but do I know you?” Ronnie responds.
“Esmeralda asked us to stop by. She requested that we talk to Tensanne Craig. Is she available?” another feminine voice asks.
Hands on her hips, head swaying side to side Ronnie rages, “Esmeralda? You mean that crazy Gypsy lady that started all this bullshit? No, no way. You need to—”
Feeling a small breeze across my skin and hearing chimes in my ears, “Let them in, Ron,” I interrupt. A small seed of hope blooming in my stomach. Esmeralda sent them maybe that means she has a way to give me back what was broken.
Turning her head to me, her eyes wide, “Are you sure?”
“What’s going on, Tennie Girl?” Mom questions.
“Fine, come in,” Ronnie huffs.
A pretty,
