Slipping out of bed, she pondered what was going on with her as she gathered towels for a shower. She'd never been sexually aggressive; in fact, she’d been with Tristan for almost six months before they had sex. He'd been her first, and things went so wrong in the end that she'd stayed away from men since their relationship ended last year.
Never once had she experienced the urge to rip Tristan's clothes off and have sex in a public place—or lost control of herself in such a way. At one point, she'd thought she could love Tristan. Now she knew she was simply blinded by his good looks, charm, and the fact he was the first serious boyfriend she had. Her parents weren’t overprotective of her, and though she was allowed to date in high school, she'd never really met someone she liked enough to date for any length of time, let alone sleep with them.
Tristan broke down her defenses, wove a spell with his smile, his gifts, and his constant, caring attentiveness. After a year together, she walked in on him having sex with another woman. That slap in the face was bad enough, but his dogged persistence at trying to get her back afterward had spiraled into stalker levels that had frightened her enough she looked into getting a restraining order against him.
Then, one day it all suddenly stopped. She hadn't heard from him in a year; she didn't know if he was dead or alive. Though she wished him no ill will, she was glad to be rid of him.
Looking back, she knew she was never in love with him; she'd just liked the idea of finally having a boyfriend. He beguiled her, but more than that she'd always felt like there was something wrong with her. All her friends dated with ease. She'd never really clicked with a man before, never had a big crush on someone. Then Tristan started asking her out, and worried she might be a freak, she'd agreed to go out with him after a month of his persistent pursuit.
There was never any ease to their relationship, at least not on her end; she'd always felt like she was forcing herself through it so she could be more normal. She wasn’t heartbroken when she found him cheating on her; she was angry and felt betrayed, but more than anything, she'd felt relieved.
She finally had a reason to end it with him that wouldn't make her seem crazy. Tristan was the whole package on the outside: good looking, pre-law, intelligent, and caring. Despite the package, she always felt a little unhappy while with him. Walking in on him with another woman was so freeing she almost gave the girl a high-five. Instead, she'd simply closed the door and smiled as she walked away.
Yes, she was a freak, she decided as she shut off the water. A man she'd known for two days had more pull over her than a man she'd spent a year of her life with. It was crazy, but she found she was okay with this crazy if it meant she would have a chance to talk to Ethan again, to kiss him and touch him.
Stepping from the shower, she grabbed the towel and dried off before starting to dress. After Tristan, she'd decided to take a break from men. She took some time to salvage her beaten pride and wash away the bad taste of Tristan's endless phone calls, text messages, gifts, emails, random visits to her dorm room and even her classes.
Emma shuddered at the reminder of him sitting in the back of her classes, watching her. The feeling of his eyes on her was so vivid, she glanced at the window to make sure he wasn't standing there watching her all over again.
It had gotten so bad Jill and Mandy wouldn't let her go anywhere alone, and though she resented he'd made it that way, she’d welcomed their presence. His final gift, a dozen black roses on her doorstep, and a note saying he would always love her and she would always be his, convinced her it was time to get the police involved.
The paperwork for the restraining order was in the works when everything stopped, Tristan's room was cleared out, and his roommate said he'd just packed up and left. At first, she was doubtful, but over the months she’d relaxed again, and her life gradually returned to normal.
And now her life seemed to have been thrown into chaos all over again. She'd never met anyone who made her feel as unsettled, excited, and turned on as Ethan did. She'd known Tristan for a while before she discovered his secrets and mental issues. She barely knew Ethan, and she was already acting recklessly. He made her forget about her decision to stay away from men for the time being.
She had to be careful and tread lightly here, but she didn't know how to do that around him. He made her feel as if someone had thrown her into the deep end of the ocean.
Emma stepped out of the room and hurried down the hall to the kitchen, but Mandy and Jill weren't there. Seeing the door to the balcony open, she grabbed a cup of coffee and poked her head out the sliding door. She found Mandy lounging in one of the chairs reading a book.
"Hey," Emma greeted.
Mandy placed her finger in the book and smiled as Emma settled into the chair next to her. Mandy's prosthetic leg leaned against the chair beside her.
"Jill still sleeping?" Emma asked.
"No, she went for a run on the beach."
Emma shook her head. "That girl has way too much energy."
"Far more than me," Mandy agreed. "We didn't get a chance to talk last night."
"About what?" Emma asked as she
