The subtle rise in Stefan's eyebrows was the only reaction to his blunt statement. "Have you talked to your brothers about this? They may not have hit maturity yet, but they might be experiencing the same thing as you without you knowing it."
"No, they're not like me; you know that as well as I do. You've been out with Aiden and Ian; they're more than happy to be in the clubs with humans or at college living among them. They can feed directly from a person; I've never trusted myself to do it. Maybe some of my younger siblings might feel this way, but I've watched them, and I don't think they do."
"You've never fed directly from a human before?" Stefan inquired.
Ethan took a deep breath as he braced himself to reveal something he'd never revealed to anyone before. "Until recently, I'd never done anything with a human before. Blood bags and vampire women were my only experience. Since high school, I've had only minimal contact with people. I've gone to great lengths to keep it hidden from everyone."
"You've done well at it; I never suspected anything like that." Stefan stared at him before he rose to his feet and walked over to the balcony doors. "I've always believed some of us are just more twisted when we're changed," he said thoughtfully. "I most certainly was, and so was Brian. Your father and The Stooges weren't. It would only make sense that certain purebred vampires would also have that malevolence within them when they're born. I don't think it makes us evil, but I do believe it makes us more susceptible to becoming murderers who thrive on taking a life. You've dealt with this your whole life, and you haven't given in to it; just because it's in there doesn't mean it rules you."
"The thirst, sometimes..." Ethan broke off as he shook his head. "Sometimes I don't know how I haven't killed every human in a room before." There were times when the image of it was so vivid in his mind that even after he shook it off, and looked around to find everyone still alive, it still took him a few minutes to convince himself blood didn’t cover him and all their throats were intact.
"I know how you feel."
Ethan lifted his head to look at Stefan. Yes, for once someone understood how he felt. Stefan had focused his anger and need to kill on other vampires to gain strength, but he'd already changed his ways by the time he met Isabelle.
"And it's not the same with Emma?" Stefan asked.
"Not at all. She even makes it easier for me to be around other humans. It's as if they fade into the background when she's there."
Stefan stepped away from the doors. "You realize that fact only adds to Isabelle’s concerns, don't you?"
"I do."
"It seems strange you're not trying to bolt like your sister did," Stefan said with a snort.
"Emma might."
Sadness flickered over Stefan's face before he rapidly covered it. "Yes, humans can be difficult. When do you plan to tell her about this?"
Ethan didn't know the answer. He was terrified of what might happen when he did tell Emma, but he was beginning to realize it would be inevitable. If she was his mate, then things were only going to get worse before they got better. For the first time, he felt true panic as he realized there was a good possibility he could lose her. She wasn't a vampire; she wouldn't experience the impossible to break mate connection as a human. The laws of his kind didn’t bind her, and he didn't know if he ever wanted her to be.
He should back off now, walk away before the bond intensified and he couldn’t part from her with his sanity still intact. He was already in over his head, and he was going to take her down with him if things between them continued to grow.
"Fuck!" he hissed as he turned away from Stefan.
"Ethan—"
Ethan lifted his hand to stop Stefan's words as he paced over to the door and back again. "I'm looking to condemn her to a life of blood and death, to this hunger."
"She'll control the hunger better with you around, just as you do when she's around," Stefan said. "Just as Isabelle and your mother, and your father and I do. It's more likely she won't experience what it is you battle every day because of you."
"What if I pass it on to her?"
"It doesn't work that way, Ethan."
"Then how does it work?" he demanded.
"I don't know. But if it worked that way your father and The Stooges would have inherited Beth's more homicidal tendencies, but they didn't."
"There's still a chance she could."
"I don't think so, there's no darkness in her, not that I can tell anyway. I really believe it must be inherent in all of us to begin with."
Ethan thought over those words before he turned toward him. "This darkness, this thirst, why us?"
"I don't know," Stefan admitted. "I was colder as a human, but I blamed it on the events of my childhood. Looking back, I think it was more than that. There was always a darkness in me, and my change amplified it. But asking that question is like asking why some people are killers and others aren't. Is it birth, circumstances, are they driven to it? You're asking questions there are no answers to; don't get caught up so much in searching for the answers, it will only eat you alive."
"Then what do I search for?" he asked.
"What you want for yourself and for her. What this is between you. If you believe she’s your mate, it will make you stronger, or it will destroy you."
Ethan stared at Stefan for a minute before resuming pacing. "I guess being almost three hundred years old makes you able to
