Somehow, it was hard to imagine Sam feeling quite so relaxed about me asking him to do something with Ethan. Especially given his history with my family.
That was what made the difference. At least, that was what I kept telling myself. That, and the fact we hadn’t had time to get used to one another as friends the way that Louis and I had.
“How was your film club?” I asked while Louis reached into his messenger bag for whatever documents he wanted me to look over. “Was the film less terrible this time around?”
“Oh, yeah,” he nodded. “But you still would have hated it. It was very sad.” And when I wrinkled my nose at that, Louis laughed. “That’s why I don’t invite you,” he teased. That wasn’t true. Louis had invited me plenty. A film club just wasn’t my scene. Maybe that was one of the reasons we hadn’t worked out.
Honestly, I felt like I had been thinking about my past relationships more in the past few days than I had in the past few years.
“Ah, because of Sam Levesque being back in town?” Louis asked. My eyes widened. I hadn’t realized I’d said that out loud! God, where was my head even at?!
“And you showing up at my door with coffee,” I rushed to add, wishing the words would cover my blush. If the ground could just open up and swallow me now, that would be great!
But Louis just laughed, reminding me why we’d gotten along so well in the first place. He was hard to ruffle. Unlike me, apparently.
“It’s just - weird,” I muttered. “I’ve never had an ex show up after ten years before. Have you?” There were a few women in town that I knew Louis had dated, though none that were very serious. “Someone from uni?”
“Not really,” he shrugged. “I mean, yeah, I dated a little bit out of town, but... it wasn’t like what you and Sam had,” he pointed out. That was fair. Sam and I had been engaged. It had hurt for a long time after we’d broken up. But I was over it now. Or so I had thought. All the thoughts spinning around in my head about Sam now felt... unexpected.
Louis, thankfully oblivious to these particular thoughts in my head, gave a small shrug. “It’d be weird if it wasn’t at least a little weird,” he commented. “The two of you have never spoken about your break up, right? Or since it? That’s a long time not to speak to someone. I’m definitely a different person than I was ten years ago. And I think so are you.”
A wave of sadness washed over me. Yes, I was different. A different person than the girl Sam had fallen in love with.
That was a good thing. I wouldn’t want to still be the person I’d been at 20, when we’d broken up. But maybe there was a part of me that still mourned the loss of Sam-and-Helena.
If so, it was a part that Louis shouldn’t have to deal with. “You’re right,” I said, blinking my eyes quickly. “It would be weird if it wasn’t weird after so long. But he’s back for at least two more months. That’s enough time for things to feel normal again.” I didn’t phrase it was a question; I wanted it to be true.
“And they will be,” Louis informed me with confidence. At the no doubt sceptical look I gave him, he laughed. “No, I mean it, Helena. You’ve always been pretty straightforward about things, that will help.” And Louis was probably right. Things just felt... new. Which in its own right was strange.
Taking a sip of my coffee, I thought about that. And also about how much Sam must have changed in the past ten years. That made my stomach turn a bit, regret blossoming that I didn’t know how he’d. What was happening? This was no way to react!
Louis gave me another smile. “Stop freaking out,” he told me. “I can tell you’re doing your internal panic. It’s cool. Things will sort themselves out.” Except I had no such confidence! That, in a way, annoyed me. Sam had no right to make me feel so confused!
“I’m fine.” If I said it with enough confidence, it would become true. At least, that was what my parents had always taught me. It had been effective for me in university and job applications. Maybe matters of the heart were a little different.
Either way, this was neither the right time nor the right place to process whatever emotions were swirling through me in response to Sam being back in town. He wasn’t even back for good! All that was really needed was for me to calm down and let the weeks pass.
Then Sam would be back out of my life - and out of my head!
“You’re a good friend, Louis,” I offered, smiling across my desk. “We make much better friends than we do boyfriend and girlfriend, don’t we?”
The bark of laughter that he gave in response to that made me grin. Louis nodded, a smile staying on his lips. “Yeah, especially since you won’t invoice me for your help no matter how much I insist,” he teased. I shook my head. We’d had this argument every time Louis had asked me for legal advice.
I let us start another one. It would still lead to the same conclusion - I wouldn’t charge Louis because he was a friend. But it was so familiar; I appreciated the way it distracted me from thinking about Sam and all the ways in which he might have changed since we were together.
Chapter Five
Sam
One of the things
