Helena kissed back in a familiar and unfamiliar way all at the same time.
Her hands braced against my chest, so small and yet so strong at the same time. She tasted new and exciting as I licked my way past her lips. Her body melded into mine, making me lose track of everything except how good she felt.
We could have kissed for hours. Neither of us seemed willing to pull away. And yet neither of us moved things further. My hands settled on Helena’s hips, content to keep her close without exploring any of those enticing womanly curves.
Finally, I had to pull back. My heart thundered against my ribs, my breath as labored as if I’d been speed skating for days.
Helena blinked up at me, apparently lost for words.
Thankfully, we were saved by the grilled cheese. The light smell of burning distracted Helena enough to quickly jump into action. I, too, went to help her, holding the plates so she could dish the sandwiches out. Once the pan was safely off the heat and the grilled cheese sitting comfortably on the counter, we looked at each other again.
My tongue licked over my lips almost without me thinking about it. “I’m... sorry?” I said, sounding unsure about that even to myself. Probably because I wasn’t sorry. I had wanted to kiss Helena. Fuck. I still wanted to kiss Helena.
But my stomach rumbled, reminding me of how amazing that grilled cheese smelled.
“No,” Helena said, so softly I almost didn’t hear her. “No, don’t be sorry. It was… lovely.” That wasn’t the word I would have used, but telling Helena how much I wanted her in that moment seemed unlikely to be much use.
We still had the sheets to dry and change, not to mention a wedding to get through tomorrow! Pat wasn’t going to thank me for getting distracted by his bride’s best friend.
“How’s your speech?” Helena asked, as if she could read my mind.
For a moment, I wondered if I should insist that we talk more about the kiss! But... maybe it would be good for both of us to have some time to reflect on what had just happened. Helena was giving me an easy out. And more than that, I wanted to talk to her about my nerves, about how I still worried, even though I had practiced the speech to death by now.
“It’s as ready as it will ever be, I suppose,” I told her, waking to take a seat at the table and reaching out for the plate with grilled cheese, pulling it closer. “It’s been a lot of help to have you read it,” I told her. “I’ve made a few changes but nothing significant.”
Finally, to satisfy my stomach, I took a bite of the grilled cheese. “Oh, fuck, this is good!” I groaned around the sandwich.
Helena’s smile was so brilliant it would have knocked me off my feet, had I not already been sitting down. “I do make a good grilled cheese,” she confirmed, nodding. “The secret is buttering both sides of the bread.”
As simple as the food was, it felt good just to sit there and eat it. Helena took a bite of her own sandwich, trying to cover it with a hand when the melted cheese stretched between her mouth and the bread. It reminded me strongly of the two of us eating pizza together all those years ago.
“It’s a good speech,” she promised. “And this is a much more friendly audience than all those reporters you have to deal with!”
Her assurances made me smile. The thing was, while of course, Helena would say that because it was a nice thing to say, I also believed her. Helena had never been dishonest with me. All she had ever been was supportive. A thought that made my heart ache for her. I could still taste her on my lips, butterflies twisting in my stomach at the memory.
But there were so many reasons we couldn’t do this. The things that had torn us apart were still true, were still real. While all these new feelings felt good, they didn’t get rid of the old worries. I owed it to Helena to do what was best for her, what she had wanted in the first place.
So we didn’t talk more about the kiss.
Instead, we finished the food, cleaned up after ourselves. We talked while the sheets were in the dryer. Not about us but about everything else. It felt so good to be able to talk to Helena again. About anything and everything. Talking to Helena had always been one of my favorite things; that hadn’t changed with time or distance.
When all was finally done, I drove back behind Helena, made sure she got home safe before returning to my parents’ house. It was impossible not to think about how amazing Helena’s lips had felt against mine, but the reminder that this wasn’t something we could pursue kept repeating, telling me not to be foolish.
The problem was: I really wanted to be foolish.
Chapter Fourteen
Helena
All my plans to get an early night so I’d be well rested before Charlotte’s wedding flew out that broken window in her new house. The moment my lips landed against Sam’s, it became impossible for me to think about anything else. He’d always been a good kisser, but feeling his mouth on mine now was like all my memories rushing back at once - and magnified by a hundred!
Butterflies chased themselves in circles around my stomach, wings whipping up a tumult of emotions. Kissing Sam had felt so right! But we’d broken up for good reasons. Reasons which hadn’t diminished in the ten years since we’d seen each other.
I lay awake half the night, staring at my phone. Part of me wanted to reach out and call him.
