But I was a grown woman. The teenage girl with limited self-control was a thing of the past. I had to be mature. Resolutely, I powered my phone down completely. Whatever my feelings were about Sam, they would wait until tomorrow. And preferably until the day after tomorrow. Charlotte’s wedding was not all about me!
Eventually, the tossing and turning must have tired me out. My blaring alarm woke me out of a deep sleep. Remnants of dream hung around me, the phantom feeling of arms around my waist and deep green eyes staring down from a familiar face.
I pushed it all aside. Shimmying into a pair of jeans and a shirt, I raced my way to Charlotte’s. We were getting ready at hers - and by the time I arrived, everything seemed to be in chaos!
Charlotte’s mom was fixing us breakfast, her dad was rushing around fulfilling whatever errands the women of the house called out to him, and there were dresses and shoes and flowers everywhere.
“Well, good morning, Ms. Martin,” I greeted, leaning in to brush a kiss against Charlotte’s cheek. “Can you believe that by the time you go to sleep tonight you’ll be a Mrs.?”
“I really can’t.” Charlotte shook her head, only to be told off by the hairstylist doing her hair. Charlotte made a face at me, but didn’t attempt to shake her head again. “There’s so much still to do, Helena! Everything feels overwhelming,” she admitted with a soft sigh.
Reaching out, Charlotte gripped my hand. “I’m glad you’re here. You’ll make sure everything goes smoothly, right?” she asked. How could I say anything but yes? I would walk through fire if it meant that Charlotte got her perfect day!
“Everything will go smoothly,” I promised, fervently hoping that nothing out of control was yet to happen. The bad luck of the broken window last night had to be the worst we were going to get. Charlotte’s karma was too good for there to be any further unexpected calamities.
In the bustle of Charlotte’s house, there didn’t seem much they needed me to do. At Charlotte’s request, I checked that shoes were where she’d left them, that her dress was pristine, added an extra handkerchief to my purse ‘in case of emergencies’ and then checked the dress again to make sure it hadn’t developed any creases since I’d last looked.
“You should eat something,” I advised, as Charlotte’s mom brought up bowls of yogurt and fruit. “You don’t want to be distracted from your wedding because you’re hungry!”
For a moment, I thought that I’d have to insist. Then Charlotte reached out to take the yogurt from me. “I feel too nervous to eat,” she admitted, but at least she was willing to push herself to try. “I mean, I know that Pat will marry me, you know? He’s going to be so perfect.” She smiled.
Spooning the yogurt up, Charlotte gave a thoughtful hum. “Maybe you’re just meant to be nervous? Everyone’s eyes on me! It’s a lot of attention.” That made me think of Sam and how nervous he had been about his speech. How nervous he no doubt was now about his speech. It almost made me want to find him, to tell him he would do excellently.
But I was here for Charlotte. Not for Sam.
“It is a lot of attention,” I agreed. “But… good attention, you know? Everyone watching loves you and Pat so much!” The sentiment was similar to the one I’d expressed to Sam. There were no reporters or ill-wishers coming to the wedding. Only good-hearted people who wanted Pat and Charlotte to be happy. And who wanted Sam to do well at his speech.
My fingers strayed towards my phone. Just one little text wouldn’t keep me from being there for Charlotte.
Got your battle face on, Levesque? Don’t let the nerves keep you from breakfast! You’re going to be brilliant.
“What are you most excited for?” I asked aloud. “Apart from being married to Pat.”
“I mean, that is a top five, for sure,” Charlotte joked back, making me grin. I knew that marrying Pat was so far off that list that it couldn’t even see the list anymore. She did think about it, her tongue licking over her lips absentmindedly. “Seeing everyone there for us. I think... having all our friends and family together, it’s pretty exciting.”
I nodded. Obviously, a lot of the friends Charlotte had we shared, but there were people coming who she’d met when away at university. Some of them I hadn’t ever met. It was exciting to finally be able to put a face to these names.
“The speeches, too. It will be nice to hear what, like, my dad has to say, you know?” she smiled. “Have you spoken to Sam? About his speech? Pat said you helped him a bit?”
As if on cue, my phone buzzed.
Couldn’t be brilliant without your help, the message read, making my breath catch.
Even though I believed Sam was brilliant on his own, I wanted his words to be true. We’d always been so good together. None of the relationships I’d had since Sam had ever felt quite the same. No one else helped me the same way, or needed my help. Sam and I built each other up - the same way that Pat and Charlotte did, or Pat’s parents.
But that was a dangerous thought. Resolutely, I pushed it away. “I mostly helped him get his thoughts down on paper,” I answered honestly. “He knew what he wanted to say, I think. He just had to get it out of his head.” And writing had never been Sam’s strong suit.
“I haven’t heard the final speech yet. I’m looking forward to it!” With a blush, I hastened to add, “And to what
