“Sure, it’s unfair,” I shrugged. “But do you think it’d be fair of me to present her with a choice like that? She didn’t want to move when we were together. It wouldn’t be fair of me to try to date her from a different country.”
At the end of the day, Helena deserved better.
Mom didn’t entirely agree with me. That fact was written all over her face, at least for someone who knew her as well as her eldest son. But she didn’t push. It wouldn’t have helped, and this was hardly the venue for it.
“True love has overcome stranger things,” was all she said, giving a small shrug.
“How very romantic of you,” I teased, giving my mom a small bump with one shoulder. Dad arrived then, saving me from needing to talk more about my feelings for Helena or how we just couldn’t make this work.
The reception was then in full swing, with the bride and groom arriving. My speech closed in more and more. I did well by not drinking my anxiety away, though the wine seemed to be never-ending. There would be plenty of time to drink afterward, whether it went well or not.
The time was finally upon me. The time for my speech.
I tapped my knife against the glass, just like I had seen in movies a million times before. And just like in them, people stopped, turning towards me. It was... intense.
Playing hockey, I was used to having all eyes on me. But this was still a lot. It was very different. At least on ice, I was confident in my gameplay. Giving speeches? Not so much. On ice, I had my team beside me.
That thought made me glance at Pat, who smiled at me. Then at Charlotte, who looked so happy. And finally, at Helena, who gave me thumbs up, making my stomach swoop with how much I knew she believed in me.
Fuck.
Okay.
I could do this.
“Ladies and gentlemen, if I could, um, have your attention,” I said, standing up. “I have been informed that I have to give a speech, so I hope you’re all ready.” There was a light scattering of laughter which helped a little to put me at ease. Very little.
I tried not to pay too much attention to everyone at the reception and instead focused on Pat and Charlotte. And maybe, a little bit, on Helena, too. Looking at her made things feel that much less stressful.
“I’m not one for speeches,” I started. “And I’m quite nervous to speak in front of you all,” I added with a small grin. Another light laugh passed through the room. It did actually help to be able to say as much. Taking a breath, I smiled slightly. “I don’t have notes,” I explained to the room. “Because if I did, I still wouldn’t be able to read them.
“Pat learned to read when he was four. There’s five years between us, so as you can imagine, at nine, I should have been the better reader. I wasn’t.” The memory of that still felt bittersweet. “I have dyslexia. We didn’t know until later in school, so at nine, having my baby brother be much better at reading than me was pretty embarrassing.”
I saw the way Pat frowned, but I gave him a reassuring smile. “But Pat knew. Even as a four-year-old, maybe a five-year-old, he knew that I felt bad because I couldn’t read like he did. So in the evenings, after I was done with hockey training, Pat would crawl into bed with me and he’d read my school books to me.”
They had definitely been texts that, at five, Pat hadn’t even understood. But he was the reason I’d gotten through school. At least until I’d met Helena. The thought made me glance at her and then look away. There was such caring in her eyes; I could hardly deal with it.
Certainly not in the middle of trying to give a speech that I’d memorized.
“And that’s the sort of person Pat is. Even as a kid, he wanted to make me feel better. He’s always cared for others, always wanted to make them feel better,” I said, smiling at my brother. “Despite being five years older, I’ve always looked up to Pat. The way he gives so much, the way he respects and honors people. And now, also the way he loves.”
I turned towards Charlotte. “When I was writing this speech - or rather, when I was begging Helena to help me with the speech,” I teased, throwing Helena a grin. “I thought a lot about love. About the examples that Pat and I had growing up.” This time, it was my parents who I shot a smile to. Mum was already crying. And I hadn’t even got to the bit she might want to cry about!
“Our parents - Felicia and Carl,” I gestured at them, in case anyone had a doubt of who they might be. “They have always looked happy together. I would even go as far as to say that they have always been happy together,” I added with a grin and both of my parents laughed, but did also nod. “But neither Pat nor I have been looking to repeat what they have. Not because it’s not great, but because it’s not us.
“What Felicia and Carl have always encouraged us to do is pursue the things that made us happy. For Pat, that was always helping other people. It’s reflected in his work as much as in his actions. Sometimes, I have worried that maybe Pat gives too much of himself, but I couldn’t imagine anyone better than Charlotte to look out for him.”
It was certainly true. I saw the way Charlotte
