My first thought, strangely, was Ash…but it wasn’t Ash. It was the one person who I never wanted to see me with another guy.
Fucking Levi. The man just had a habit of popping up wherever he shouldn’t be, didn’t he? It was like magic.
Levi’s strong body wore a dark blue t-shirt, splattered with some design, and dark jeans that hugged his impressive figure like a second skin. He looked drop-dead gorgeous, so very lick-able—only his eyes, normally a crisp, clear blue that made me feel warm all over, were so very cold. As cold as the arctic, as cool as ice. They made me shiver and quickly step away from the guy behind me.
“Levi,” I started, reaching for him, but it was no use. He was angry. Too angry. He wouldn’t listen to reason.
“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Levi asked, cocking his brown-haired head, giving me the worst look I’d ever imagine on his face. “Who the fuck do you think you are, bouncing from guy to guy like that?” Suddenly we weren’t at the frat house; we were on a basketball court in the middle of the day, the sunlight harsh overhead. “You made me care about you, and it was all a lie.”
I couldn’t argue with him, because some people you could never win an argument against. Some people, even when faced with facts, refused to acknowledge their wrongness. It’s why most people were so annoying to be around these days. The internet and the general state of society fostered stupidity, and I…I’d been ridiculously stupid.
“I never lied to you,” I said, hardly sounding like myself. That was the thing about Levi; he made me feel all different kinds of conflicted. He made me want things I never wanted before. A boyfriend. Love. A steady happiness that came with knowing another soul inside and out.
Levi’s name was written in the stars with mine, but you had to know what they said about star-crossed lovers…their stories were tragedies.
I didn’t want our story to end like that, but I didn’t know how to fight for a better ending, not with my mistakes. Not with what I did. And judging the look on Levi’s face, he was utterly done with me.
“I knew better than to trust you,” Levi spoke, his hands on his sides, a basketball suddenly in his grip. “I never should’ve looked at you twice, Kelsey. You were nothing but a mistake from the beginning.”
Just when I thought my heart could not break any more, it went and proved me wrong, cracking in new places. Those were words I’d told him, words that somehow rang true, but still I hated hearing them.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Sometimes sorry isn’t enough.” Levi said nothing else, turning towards the hoop that stood fifteen feet back, bending his knees to make a shot.
I opened my mouth to say more, not like anything I could’ve said would fix this terrible situation, but it was that moment that the dream faded around me and I woke up, sweating in my bed.
My heart raced in my chest, and I felt anxious, immediately uneasy. That dream was more like a nightmare. Honestly, the only thing worse than Ash seeing us together would’ve been Levi seeing it. The little racing box in my chest clenched, and I knew I’d hurt him. I’d hurt him, which was something I never wanted to do.
It wasn’t like I was a bitch on purpose. Okay, sometimes, yes, I pushed people away purposefully by being bitchy, but…I didn’t want to actually hurt him. I wasn’t like him, not like Dean. They might’ve played with Mel’s heart last year, but I wasn’t like that. Kelsey Yates was always up for fun, that was my motto. SCC showed me that sometimes fun wasn’t the answer.
Life was more complicated than I thought.
With a groggy mind, I knew I couldn’t stay here. I had to get up, do something. I had to see him. Had to try to…I didn’t know. Do something? At this point, there wasn’t much left to do, but I could not just lay in bed and lose myself in my thoughts.
I ended up grabbing a hoodie and sliding my shoes on, and with my phone and my key in my hoodie’s pocket, I was out the door as quietly as I could. I had one destination on my mind. It was probably a bad idea, but when the hell did I ever have good ideas?
Never, the answer would be never.
The closer my feet dragged me towards the Greek houses at the other end of campus, the more I felt conflicted. I once thought Levi was hot and cold, but you know what? So was I. I was just as hot and cold as he was, as fickle, maybe even more so. Maybe I was worse simply because I was me.
The only lights that were on were the light poles erected beside the sidewalks on campus. I heard no sounds, not even a rustling breeze. The night sky was clear, allowing me to gaze up at the moon and the stars sparkling around it. Its craters were grayer than the rest of it, its partial-circle almost ominous, but still beautiful.
I made it to the Greek houses, and I walked along until I found Sigma Chi’s. I stood in front of it for a few moments, noting that all of the lights were off. No parties tonight; it was a Thursday night…or was it technically Friday morning? Either way, the world was almost too quiet.
Me? My thoughts raced loudly enough, I didn’t need to hear anything else.
I didn’t go up to the front door, didn’t knock. I didn’t even text him or call him. What the hell
