Mason winced and averted his gaze.
“These bouts came and went over several years,” I went on. “He wasn’t at a low point to the same degree before we separated, but he was heading that way. And that was when Kelly moved back to Camassia—when William was beyond weak and desperate. Now, I’m not excusing his behavior. He shouldn’t have fallen into Kelly’s arms or whatever—but I am accepting that life sometimes fucks us over and deals us a hand we can’t play fairly. He came clean to me right after, and he said we were getting divorced.”
Mason nodded with a dip of his chin and absently cracked his knuckles. “I know all this, Lis. But he didn’t wrap things up quite so nicely—in his favor.”
“I’m not surprised. He’s been blaming himself for everything. But the truth is, he and I had been over for a long time already. I did everything for him. I made sure he ate, I made sure he got dressed in the morning, I reminded him to brush his teeth and take his medication. Kelly returning to William’s life was just the final nail in the coffin.” I swallowed and twisted my hands in my lap. “Luckily, it wasn’t a real coffin. I’m so incredibly relieved—and happy—that he’s gotten a new forever with Kelly. Because I can still have my friend, and the kids have their father back. I don’t want to think what would’ve happened if we hadn’t ended our marriage when we did.”
I remembered a few weeks ago, William had called to tell me he was now on his lowest dose of antidepressants in seven years. Had we stayed together, maybe there wouldn’t have been a call at all.
“I’m not saying I handled everything with grace two years ago,” I added. “I was angry with him on and off for months. I was bitter and hurt, and I said some vicious things to him.” I paused. “I never told you he cheated, though. Did he tell you that himself?”
Mason shook his head, eyes on his hands. He was tracing his thumb over the faint line where he’d once had his wedding ring.
“Didn’t take a genius to figure out.” He cleared his throat. “I knew he was ill, and then, out of the blue, you two were getting divorced because he’d met someone new.”
I nodded slowly. It made sense.
“I’ve missed him a lot over the years,” he continued. “At the same time, I couldn’t be too close. I knew from the moment you and I met that if I didn’t keep my distance, there’d be problems.”
I sat up straighter, realizing he was finally going to talk. He wasn’t going to wait until we had dinner together.
“Do you remember the day we met?” he asked me.
I bit my lip, thinking back. I couldn’t say the memory was very clear. We’d come home from school in Chicago to visit their parents, back when they still lived here. Mason had flown in to visit too, and he’d brought his wife and Tristan.
“Was it for Thanksgiving?” I wondered.
He inclined his head. “You’d just gotten out of the car. Pop had picked you two up at the airport, and you threw a snowball at Will.”
I chuckled. I didn’t remember that part. “I can’t imagine him reacting well to that. He’s never been the playful type.”
“That’s the thing. He’s not. But you are,” he said. “That entire weekend, I tried to figure you two out. I wondered what the fuck my mellow kid brother was doing with a wild soul like you.” It wasn’t the first time he’d indicated I was wild, something that felt strange. I wasn’t wild. “There had to be something, though. He was over the moon, and you only had eyes for him.”
I smiled slightly, a bit sheepish. “He grounded me. I was a mess in high school. Got into heaps of trouble.”
He nodded. “See, that one makes sense. I buy that. But it still came as a surprise the following year when I got a wedding invitation in the mail. I didn’t think you’d make it that far.”
In retrospect, I could see it. Our love had been real, but not permanent. “We were what we needed at the time, Mason. I think that’s why. I needed someone to calm me down, and he needed someone who stole his attention from his demons. You have to remember, he was going through rough times even back then. Your parents…”
Mason nodded grimly. “If I’d known they’d made him feel like shit for being into guys too, I would’ve said something.”
“Same here. I didn’t know either. He buried all that.” I shrugged. “But you see? I became the playful girl he fell for, albeit temporarily. He went all in. He worked so hard to create our family, with me at the center. He took the initiative on everything. Marriage, first kid, house, second kid…”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, then eyed me with doubt clouding his gaze. “And you think you gave him your best years?”
“In terms of energy,” I clarified. “I could take more hits back then. I could take care of the kids, including William, and still want to go out on Saturday. I was stronger and more confident. Now…” I blew out a breath and tried to sort through my thoughts. “I don’t know. I feel a little like damaged goods, to be honest.” I smirked in an attempt
