The reality of things hit me a little too hard right then and there, and I averted my gaze to my lap. I felt like an idiot. I was lonely, yet too tired to fight for something where I might end up feeling the opposite of lonely.
“I’m sorry, Mason.” Oh God, I could sense the floodgates opening any minute, and I didn’t want him here for that. There was a pressure on my chest, my throat felt like it was about to close up, and the stinging had started in my eyes. “I can’t go through all that again. Fuck.” There I went. I covered my face with my hands and screwed my eyes shut. “Can I please have a moment?”
“Ah, no. I don’t think so, darlin’.” He shifted closer and wrapped his arms around me, and that did it. I couldn’t hold back anymore. The first sob racked my body. “You’ve been put through the wringer, haven’t you?”
I couldn’t respond. I felt utterly weak, and all the barriers just fucking broke. I managed to keep from snot-sobbing all over him, but I still cried. I cried for the loss of myself.
“I reckon my conflicted days aren’t over yet,” he murmured. “I told Will at the church on the day you two got married that if he ever broke your heart, I’d make sure he knew what a fucking idiot he was.”
“Wh-what—”
“I also told him someone better might take his place.”
I sniffled and whimpered and wiped fruitlessly at my cheeks. “Did you really?”
“I know that was over the line, but I wasn’t always this smart.” He tested a little smirk and wiped a tear from my cheek. “You have to feel this between us, baby. You said you’d heard those warning bells, right?”
I nodded and hiccupped around a low sob.
“Because, I think…” He sighed quietly and pressed a kiss to the top of my hand. “I think I was always on my way to you. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I just had to wait until we were both ready—”
“Oh my God, you have to stop talking,” I cried. “You’re saying all the right things, and you’re making it fucking impossible to stop weeping.” I couldn’t explain what was going through my mind—or happening to my body. “I’m not usually like this.” Usually I waited until I was alone before I cried. Mason was fucking with my head. It scared the life out of me. My chest felt tight, yet my heart pounded on a wave of hope and longing and joy—joy I hadn’t experienced in…well, this type of joy… Ever. Ever.
Mason exhaled a laugh and hugged me to him again.
“You’re gonna regret this soon,” I croaked. “I’m like this sometimes, y-you know. The night at the club, I was put together. Nice dress and all. And now…look at me.”
I was pretty sure I felt him grinning against my hair.
“Lis, when was the last time someone took care of you?”
“I…” Had no answer.
I sniffled and shrugged.
He carefully let me go and said he’d get me some tissues. Then he disappeared into my bathroom for a hot second before he was back.
“When was the last time someone put you first?” He sat down again and held up the Kleenex box.
“I can’t think straight right now.” I waved goodbye to the last shred of decency and grabbed a couple tissues to blow my nose. “For the record, William didn’t break my heart. He couldn’t break what he didn’t have. All he shattered was an illusion I’d clung to.”
“Good.” He rubbed my back soothingly. “It bothered me that he went behind your back, but I’m not a saint. I couldn’t resent him for letting you go.”
It was impossible for me to grasp. For as long as I could remember, I had been a secondary character in my own story. As a mother, as a wife, as a friend. The thought of Mason waiting for me, the thought of him acknowledging there could be something significant between us from an early start, made me feel ridiculously special. Especially since I’d seen the signs too. Well, sort of.
“I told Sharon you were like the sun,” I confessed. “Something nice to look at, but you don’t get too close. On some level, I knew you had the ability to burn me.”
He hummed and tightened his hold on me, and he pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Don’t you think we owe it to ourselves to see where this could go, then?” He cupped my cheek and made me look up at him. His gaze softened, and I was half surprised he didn’t run away screaming at the sight of my face. I had to look awful. “I’m not looking for any promises or guarantees, darlin’. But I came back to Camassia for three reasons, and you’re the biggest one.” Maybe he saw the shock flit past. “If I just wanted to be closer to my son, I could’ve joined him in Vancouver or stayed in Seattle. If I just wanted to reconnect with my brother, I could’ve asked him to visit more often or flown up more frequently myself.”
That made my eyes well up all over again.
Holy hell, it was overwhelming.
“One more thing,” he murmured, resting his forehead to mine. “I don’t think this exhaustion of yours is permanent.”
Oh boy. I closed my eyes and drew a ragged breath.
What if he was wrong?
“I think you’ve been hurt,” he told me quietly. “Life knocked you down, and you’re afraid to try again. I get it.”
He did, and he didn’t. He was partly right; I’d be a liar if I denied that. But… “It’s
