Without looking up from the table, he muttered, “Why didn’t you just confront me?”
I lifted a brow at River, and he nodded for me to answer.
“We did.”
At that, Shay glanced up and narrowed his eyes at me.
“Not so much confront as we offered our help,” I amended. “Penelope tried to talk to you, remember? She informed you of the infractions you’d made. She said we were here if you needed someone to talk to. She reminded you of our terms.”
“If we had confronted you…” River humored the boy. “Can you honestly say you would’ve opened up to us?”
“No.” At least Shay went with the truth.
“So you believe we should’ve banned you,” I stated.
He didn’t have any response to that, and he averted his gaze again.
“There’s more,” I admitted. “The night we met wasn’t a coincidence. The attendance list is public online, so we knew you were going. Oh, and I’m not actually a cage fighter. We followed you there once, and I decided it would be something to lure you in with.”
“For fuck’s sake, Reese,” River snapped under his breath. “Pace yourself.”
Well, I didn’t know how to do that.
Shay stared at me incredulously.
I cleared my throat and smiled uncomfortably. “I’d rather apologize for crossing the line than take a step back and not do shit.” On that note, there was one other thing I had to say. “Before I shut up and let River talk you through things at a more, uh…normal pace? I want to defend Isela’s role in everything. She’s genuine, Shay. She cares for you. And she wants to talk when you’re ready.”
“All right, that’s enough.” River slid out of the booth and pointed toward the exit. “Go take a fucking walk or something. You can’t go balls to the wall with everything in life.”
I’d fucked up. One glance at Shay told me as much, and it did something to me I couldn’t describe. But the hurt and anger in his eyes would haunt me for a while.
So I obeyed my brother.
* * *
What the fuck was this pressure in my chest for?
I opened the door to the passenger’s side of River’s truck and grabbed his spare pack of smokes and a lighter from the glove box. The sun was brutal, and there were too many people around. DC folk could fucking stay in DC. After shutting the door, I slid on my shades and lit up a smoke.
I hadn’t felt that pressure since…Christ, probably when River almost got shot in Moscow. But I hadn’t lost my nerves back then, so I didn’t see why I’d act this way now.
It would be okay. River would handle things. He may not be the talker among us, but once he put his mind to something, he didn’t mess around. He’d once talked a corrupt diplomat into giving up the location of his double agent wife. Knowing exactly what to say at the right time was just one of the tools River had used to get the information he needed.
I took a deep drag from the smoke and grimaced at the strength of it. Then I exhaled and stubbed it out under my shoe.
Sometimes I missed having something that provided an instant calming effect.
I checked my watch.
I needed a distraction, having a feeling it would take a while for River to put out the fire I’d started.
It was that goddamn boy. He’d stirred up a bunch of shit inside me, and it was possible that I wasn’t the best at reading into my own emotions. To be frank, there was rarely anything there to read. I had my life settled. I had River. We had friends, casual arrangements from time to time, and a few recurring partners like Ivy who we could play with nonsexually. She and I had great chemistry for pain sessions.
It was rattling to realize I’d become too comfortable. To think I’d had all the answers to everything.
If I’d kept my mind more open, maybe I would’ve seen that Shay was different sooner.
I blew out a breath and ran a hand through my hair. It was too hot to stay out here.
I pulled out my phone and sent River a text.
I’m gonna head over to the mall and pick up some shit quick. I’ll be back in 30 minutes.
* * *
The lunch rush was over by the time I pulled into Silver Diner’s parking lot half an hour later, not that it mattered; I didn’t have to fight someone for a parking spot. River and Shay were standing outside smoking.
By all means, take your time…
I stood there, curbside, idling, while they talked and smoked.
They knew I was here. Kind of impossible to miss this gas-guzzler.
I was gonna keep my cool. No pressuring Shay for information—or for anything about going forward from here. I was slowing my roll. There was no kinky relationship to speak of, so no talk about rules and boundaries either.
I drummed my fingers along the wheel and watched River stub out his smoke. Shay nodded curtly to whatever my brother told him, and even a blind person would be able to tell that the boy was royally ticked off.
It was bittersweet to be sorry but not remorseful. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Shay, but I didn’t regret anything that’d led us to here. I couldn’t.
He rolled his eyes at something River said. My brother’s smirk followed, so maybe not everything was lost. There was a glimmer of hope. Then Riv nodded at the truck, and I read the “come on” on his lips.
They both aimed for the back seat.
As soon as River opened the door, I had my eye on them in the rearview.
Shay jumped in first and didn’t say a word.
It was okay. I’d expected this.
“Hey.” River grunted as he got in and closed the door. “We shared your burger. It was great.”
All right. Good for them.
“We going back to the house?” I asked.
River glanced over at Shay.
“Yes,” Shay muttered.
Thank fuck. As the relief washed over
